Finding Humanity
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella has a special purpose, to teach the vampire Edward how to love. But she doesn't understand her power and ends up changing Edward in more ways than she intended. Will he forgive her for taking his choice away? Vamp Story.
1. Chapter 1

_**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. This story is really long so I'll load ten chapters at a time.**_

_**Life is Bitter**_

_**1**_

In the realm of teenagers, what is acceptable narrows to an almost chokehold standard. Even those who profess to be on the fringe, or rebels if you will, do so only in the bounds of their assigned sub social peer group. It is not so much about finding who you are as it is about fitting in and being accepted. It is the age old call of our DNA to procreate.

But what if you truly, absolutely, without fear of consequences didn't care to fit in; if you felt such a pull to be who you are that not even parental disapproval altered your actions. Could you make it through the 'difficult' teenage years without succumbing to the pressure to be someone you are not?

I was willing to try.

My mother, Renee, was the ultimate conformer. She was what most people called a late bloomer. Her social skills hit an all-time high when she was stuck in a small town with a toddler to interfere with her desire to play. The only reasonable thing to do was move to a bigger playground.

She waited patiently for me to get old enough to play with her, but playing was not my thing. I didn't need a boy to tell me lies so I could look in the mirror and see the person I wanted to be instead of the person I was. She drug me to tanning salons so they could spray paint my body in an attempt to fit in with the Arizona norm of tanned, outdoors loving, sun worshipers. I just turned orange.

She eventually found a man who wanted her outside of the bedroom as much as inside. He was younger, with a mommy complex, but had a rockin' body and buddies who saw his conquest of an older woman as some kind of trophy. I couldn't ruin it for her.

Those were her words not mine.

My father, Charlie, was a big fish in a small pond; the Chief of Police for the small town of Forks, Washington. He was angry, angry that he didn't get to make huge life altering arrests. He picked up underage minors drinking at a local fishing hole, the occasional drunk threatening to teach his wife and thing or two with his fists, and kept his eyes out for missing dogs.

Speeders were not even a problem in Forks. With the logging trucks, crawling through town, patience was something everyone learned early. They moved at a constant pace clearing the dense forest as if some hidden Atlantis existed 'out there' to save us all from the monotony that was Forks.

He was angry my mother took me to Phoenix at the age of two. It was easier to stay angry than to admit he missed us. When I came to live with him my senior year he didn't know what to do with all the anger, so he spent most of his time with his girlfriend. He wasn't aware I knew he wasn't really working, even I could see Forks wasn't in need of police protection to such a degree.

Being away from the house equaled being away from me.

School was, what is the correct word… unnecessary. I couldn't stand being taught subjective facts about people long dead, who educators deem relevant only because of manufactured curriculums. I happen to know for a fact I will never use calculus or need to know who invented the cotton gin.

I was the new freak, the cop's kid which put me in the same category as the preacher's kid. I wasn't athletic, I couldn't sing or play a band instrument, I wasn't cheerleader quality, and unfortunately didn't do drugs so I couldn't even fit in with the stoners. The entire student body was intent on just ignoring me.

I am a straight A student simply because there are twenty-four hours in a day. Time moves slowly in Forks, but just like everywhere else in the world, it is the bulk of sand in the hour glass, not the single grains, that people concentrated on.

I decided to become a single grain, remove myself from the whole, and drop unnoticed to the other end of the hourglass. Today would be my last day.

It's raining; of course it is… this is Washington. I pulled my old truck into the far end of the school lot so I don't disturb the pecking order of the students with more acceptable vehicles. I put my back pack over my head and made a run for the door, only to end up on my behind with my books scattered everywhere. This day could not get any worse.

I had math first hour and Jessica Stanley made it a point to sit by me. She was on the top rung of the social ladder but needed someone she could talk at who would not interrupt her narcissistic ramblings, and of course cheat off of too.

Towards the end of class the teacher passed out a pop quiz. Jessica scooted her desk closer to mine and I turned to look at her. She smiled and nodded as if we were long lost buddies. I raised my hand and asked to go to the nurse's office. Jessica swallowed hard and narrowed her eyes at me in irritation.

"Can Jessica walk with me, I feel very faint?" I added.

When the door shut behind us I turned to face a jubilant Jessica, "I suggest you study tonight." I walked away leaving her standing there incredulous that I didn't savor every second of her attempt to pull me into her valuable network of worthy friends. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be a Jessica Stanley.

I headed to my next class and sat outside the door, finally determining I wouldn't attend second or third hour, I went to my truck. I pulled out my art book and drew absent mindedly.

Fourth hour was English; I totally ignored the teacher and read my old copy of Jude the Obscure. I could relate to Jude, a misfit born into the wrong circumstances. But unlike Jude I wasn't held back by my desire to become more than I was. I didn't let my feelings for someone else hold me back.

When the bell rang I headed to the cafeteria. I had my own table where I sat with my back to the room of desperation. Lunch was a societal minefield. It was where teenagers fought for dominance, preening and molding, hoping their mating calls would be answered by someone acceptable, and pushing down the desires of the unacceptable back into the recesses of the room. It was something too disgusting to watch.

I picked at my food, cafeteria slop, equally divided by the asinine, antiquated food pyramid for our health and well-being. I would give anything for a pop tart right now.

When the crowd began noisily exiting the large room I let out a loud sigh. Biology was next and it was tortuous, not due to the subject matter, but due to a certain hateful young man, Edward Cullen.

He was gorgeous and made my body react in ways that made me want to shape shift into a rabbit or something else that mated constantly. He was the rare exception to the rule, girls find a personality more attractive than great looks. I was angry that I even considered attending biology today. I guess it was my hormones desiring one last lustful look.

He was already at our table when I entered the room. Without even looking up he began scooting to the far edge, away from my chair. _Jerk..., glorious, beautiful, infuriating, jerk._

I wasn't intimidated today; I sat loudly into my chair and turned to look at him. His face turned slowly and I could see the beginning of a scowl forming. I let my own face screw up into a disgusted glower.

"We have a lab today," he spat and then quickly turned his eyes away from my stare.

"I suppose you are going to do it all yourself, as usual."

He simply nodded.

"Then, bye," I retorted as I stood to leave.

"Sit down, Miss Swan," Mr. Banner instructed.

I sat harshly and folded my hands over my chest in anger. I heard Edward let out a deep breath he must have been holding as he pushed the paper towards me.

"Oh lucky me, I get to be your scribe," I hissed at him.

"There is nothing I would like more than to do the assignment by myself, so feel free to do your own work," he spoke severely under his breath.

I grabbed the paper he offered and began filling out the questions. Luckily it was a lab I had done in Phoenix so I wasn't completely clueless. Edward raised his hand for another paper and began doing his own work. We both kept our heads down and scribbled furiously as if we were in some sort of exclusive race.

He won.

After finishing his paper he stood and gathered his books and stormed from the room. I finished not too far behind him and left also.

Art was next and it was the only class I truly enjoyed. But it was art theory today and I wasn't about to sit and watch the movie version of The Girl with the Pearl Earring. Vermeer would role over in his grave at the bastardization of his piece of work. Last was P.E.; the public school systems answer to the McDonald's dollar menu. I headed home.

I decided to cook up everything in the house. I could at least do Charlie the favor of having decent meals to unthaw. When I was almost finished filling the freezer the police cruiser pulled up outside. Dad nodded towards me, my 'I'm home' greeting and went upstairs to change. On the way up he hung his holster on the coat rack, just as I hoped he would.

"I'm going bowling and grab a few beers with Billy and Harry," he mumbled.

The criminal element of Forks must be taking a day off. Without waiting for a response he headed out the front door.

I took a bath, then washed my dirty laundry and folded it into my drawers. It was almost midnight when I heard my dad come home and head right to his room. Within minutes I could hear his loud snoring. I threw on a thick sweatshirt and tiptoed down the stairs.

So here I am, sitting in the woods in the middle of the night with my father's service revolver in my hand. I have no regrets and I doubt I will be anything more than a small article in the back pages of the Fork's newspaper. Just an inconsequential grain of sand.

I placed the gun to my right temple and pulled the trigger.

I didn't hear anything. I didn't feel anything, which gave me a small amount of comfort. I was hoping it would be over quickly without lots of pain. It was cowardly of me, I know, but I was waiting for the sad moaning of lost souls, the hideous dead coming forth out of the shadows to escort me to hell. I waited; listening to my own breathing, hoping beyond hope death wasn't eternal nothingness.

I decided to try opening my eyes but a blinding light was making it impossible. I didn't need to 'walk to the light' because it was everywhere; I was basking in it unable to shelter my sensitive eyes to its blinding rays. I blinked several times trying to grow accustom to the incredible light when I felt a hand reach out for me causing me to jump. I squinted enough to see it was a woman, but I did not recognize her.

"Are you God?" I asked as she took hold of my hand.

She chuckled lightly and answered, "No, my name is Elizabeth Masen. She pulled me up and I could now see her face more clearly. Her gentle smile calmed me. "I would like to talk to you, Bella."

"How do you know who I am?" I couldn't remember passing through any pearly gates, checking my name in the book of the dead.

"I have been waiting a long time for you." Her eyes suddenly looked very sad. "Bella, I need your help to save my son."

"Who is your son?" I noticed we were now walking. I don't remember moving my feet, but we were walking arm in arm. She was the most beautiful woman I had even seen and I felt warm and safe.

"Edward Cullen."

"Edward?" I asked in astonishment. "He hates me. I think you want someone else to help you." I looked around and couldn't see anything, just beautiful light everywhere. "Where am I?"

"You are with me, dear. There is nothing to fear." She had a musical voice and I wanted to stay with her forever.

"Are you an Angel?" I finally asked.

"Something like that," she laughed as she wrapped her arm around me and I felt….happiness. I didn't recognize it at first because it had been so long since I felt that emotion.

"I am going to tell you many things," she began. "Don't worry about remembering what I say. You will have perfect recall when you need it."

I looked at the ground; at least I think it was the ground. It was just more of the same bright light. "I don't want to go back," I whispered. I couldn't imagine going back after experiencing such peace. It would physically hurt to return to the suffocating green and the gauche plaid of the continental northwest.

She sighed at me as if she understood. "Everything is going to be different, Bella. You are going back to your destiny."

"But I'm dead!" I was desperate to point out any reason to remain here with her. How could I go back if I was already dead and speaking with an Angel? I remembered hearing the story of Lazarus from the Bible as a child. I was pretty sure neither Charlie nor Renee would have a personal relationship with the Son of God.

"Sweetheart," she said kindly. "You have a special mission to fulfill; it is not time for you to come here."

I couldn't help but believe her. She was so beautiful and I wanted to please her, but if I had a destiny, things would definitely have to change. Maybe I was going to become somebody else. Please don't let it be one of the cookie cutter girls I despised so much. I didn't want to fit in and conform to the popular and shallow.

Then, I remembered she needed help with her son, Edward Cullen. Maybe this was hell after all. If my destiny was intertwined with his I would rather go back as an insect, something that would irritate him constantly…..he would just squash me.

"You agreed to this mission long ago, Bella. I have waited for you to reach this point, to come to me, so I could lead you to your path." Her smile was breathtaking and there was no way I could disappoint her. Whatever she needed me to do I was game.

She began to unfold the details of Edward's life…..

I woke up to my alarm blasting some awful techno music. Where was the heavenly choir I was expecting? I gasped when I found myself in my bed, back in my father's house. I looked around the room in a panic for his gun. I ran down the stairs and saw his gun belt still on the hook, gun in the holster.

Was it all a dream? I thought back to what I experienced. It seemed ridiculous in the light of day, like I would really have an assignment to fulfill from a beautiful angel. I guess the only way to tell if it was real would be to do it and see what happened. That would surely tell me if it was all a dream.

I dressed quickly and threw my laptop into my backpack. I parked in my usual spot far from the nicer cars. As I began my trek across the parking lot I noticed the Cullens pull up. I stopped and stared as they got out of their cars.

Just from my observation I could tell there was something otherworldly about them. Why didn't I notice that before? Their movements alone didn't seem natural. I guess when peers are that beautiful you try not to notice them too much.

Alice was tiny but moved like a skilled dancer. She was graceful and elegant in her petite frame. Jasper was the epitome of calm. He seemed perfectly still in contrast to Alice's hyper, bubbly personality.

Emmett was a mountain, his arms the size of most people's waists. His size didn't match his features, which were open and friendly. He wore an almost constant smile with two very deep dimples. But his size was so overwhelming it made him unapproachable, or maybe it was the woman on his arm that made him so scary.

Rosalie was tall and absolutely stunning. How could she be my same gender? The genetic pool was a very stingy place from which to swim. She was superior in every way and her demeanor left no doubt that inferior people were not to come near.

Edward was gorgeous, tall, and confident, like he stepped out of GQ. He didn't associate with anyone other than his brothers and sisters. Some kids called him arrogant but I think he is just plain mean. Maybe I should feel special that he took the time to harass me, but since it was my spiritual mission to save him, I would feel a lot better if he was the one feeling special.

I thought I would be nervous today, but I wasn't. Either it was all a dream, and I would go into the woods tonight and do it for real, or this was my destiny and I would stay to face it, regardless of the undesirable subject.

When it came time for biology I arrived early and set up my laptop. I went to the website Elizabeth had requested and made sure Edward could see my screen. Then I waited.

He walked in and noticed me sitting at our table. He scowled at me as usual and moved as far away from me as our small table allowed. I gathered my courage and turned to look at him_, _"Good morning," I said, trying to sound friendly.

When he finally met my gaze, saying nothing in return, I rolled my eyes and turned away. I could feel his cold stare continue, so I began flipping through the website. When Mr. Banner arrived I closed the computer and stole a sideways glance at Edward. He was still staring at the laptop and I couldn't help the small smile threatening to spread on my face.

We didn't have to work as partners today, to my relief, but I could tell Edward was very agitated. As soon as the bell rang he usually grabbed his stuff and left. Today he hesitated. I began putting my stuff in my backpack when he finally spoke.

"Bella, are you working on a report about life in early 20th century Chicago?"

I feigned a shocked expression and answered. "No, not at all." At least it was the truth.

I grabbed my backpack and left. He remained at his seat for a few seconds and then stormed out in front of me. Why did nobody notice how quickly he moved?

When lunch came around I sat at my usual table, alone, only this time I sat with my back to the rest of the students so my laptop was on display. I opened up a screen about the Spanish influenza outbreak in the early 1900's.

I acted like I was fully engrossed in the subject throughout the entire lunch period. When the bell rang I put my stuff away and turned to see Edward standing by his table. He was staring daggers into me as the rest of his family looked away uncomfortably. I smiled and nodded at him. He turned toward the closest exit to the parking lot and left school for the rest of the day.

When I stopped at my locker I noticed his sister, Alice, looking at me. She acted like she wanted to say something but Jasper pulled on her arm and they left to class.

I can't say I understand how any of this pertains to my destiny but it was enough to convince me Elizabeth Masen was not just a dream. I could hardly wait for school tomorrow.

Today the Cullens were already in the parking lot when I arrived. Edward was standing by his car arguing with his brother Emmett. When I passed them he stopped speaking and turned to glare at me. The words 'pretentious ass' sprang to mind.

I squared my shoulders and refused to be intimidated. I matched his glare until Emmett finally broke into a huge grin, it was contagious and I couldn't help but smile in return. Edward was not amused and I thought I actually heard him growl.

When he arrived in biology he looked directly at my laptop before he sat down. He let out a small gasp and quickly tried to cover it with a cough. I left up the website about the phenomenon of reading other peoples thoughts and pretended to take notes.

Edward sat down and turned to me. "Do you actually believe that stuff?"

This was new, two days in a row Edward spoke to me without the direct instruction from the teacher to do so. It wasn't the friendly conversation most lab partners were able to engage in, but it was something different at least.

I reached out and closed the laptop. "I don't know what you're talking about," I insisted.

We didn't speak again and luckily we didn't have a lab to work on either. When the bell rang I looked at Edward. He opened his mouth, as if to speak, but closed it quickly and left.

Elizabeth you rock! I never felt so powerful in my life.

At lunch I sat the same way as the day before. This time I had information about clairvoyants who could see the future on my screen. When the bell rang all the Cullens were staring at me and appeared to be speaking to each other under their breath.

Buoyed by newfound poise I walked right past their table staring just like they were, until I got to Rosalie. I quickly looked the other way and hurried out the door.

During art I hid out in the library, today's movie was Rocky. How that related to sculpture was beyond my comprehension. I sat with my lap top open again. I had a site up about the civil war and noticed Alice standing behind me. I was shocked when she came to the other side of my table and sat down. 

"Bella, is it?"

"Yes." I was trying not to gawk at her but she was even prettier up close.

"My name is Alice." She extended her hand and I shook it without reacting to her cold skin.

"It's nice to meet you, Alice." I tried to sound totally normal.

"I don't really know too much about you Bella," she smiled. "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure," I stammered. "But I am really not that interesting."

"Oh, I find you extremely interesting," she said as she eyed me suspiciously. "Where are you from?"

"Phoenix." I decided to keep my answers as short as possible.

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"What do you do for fun?" She was beginning to get a little irritated with me.

I was frantically trying to remember what Elizabeth told me about Alice when it hit me.

"I like to draw….um….and I like to shop."

She jumped to her feet and squealed. "I just knew we were going to be great friends. We need to plan a shopping trip as soon as possible."

"Sure," I tried to sound enthusiastic so she wouldn't see through my ruse. There was nothing I would dread more than shopping with a shop-a-holic. I was more of the hunter type than the gatherer type.

Alice looked up to see Edward walk into the library. "Well, Bella I have to run but we will get together soon," she promised.

Edward stood by the door and glared at me after Alice walked away. I went back to my computer and pulled up the next website. It was on how to survive a bear attack.

After school, I walked to my truck and noticed Emmett and Rosalie watching me. Those two were the most intimidating of all. I felt goose bumps down both arms as I walked past them. When I got in the driver's seat I adjusted my mirror and saw Edward standing with them, all still staring in my direction.

I ate dinner alone, as usual, and then went to my room. I was too nervous to watch any television so I decided to draw. I wanted something tangible of my time with Elizabeth Masen, so I decided to sketch her.

I used charcoal and tried to capture everything I could remember about her beautiful face. When I finally got it just right I placed the picture in the pages of my English book. I didn't have any of the Cullens in my English class and sat at a table by myself. I would be able to look at her face all hour if I wanted.

The next day I arrived before any of the Cullens. School dragged by, as everything usually did in Forks. I was shaking as I entered biology. Today would be quite obvious and I wasn't sure how Edward would react.

I opened my laptop and went to a site on Vampirism. I didn't hear him come up behind me. The next thing I knew he was pulling out his chair to sit. I looked over at him and couldn't read his expression at all. He almost looked defeated.

He stared back at me with such a sad expression I didn't know what to do. I hurried and closed my lap top and felt my face turn bright red. Edward lowered his head and started running his hands through his hair.

Mr. Banner brought in a projector with a movie for us to watch. He placed it on our table and asked Edward and me to move. I pulled my chair on the opposite side of the room from where he was, so I could continue to watch him. He persistently had his head down throughout the entire movie.

I was beginning to feel sorry for him. Maybe he was as messed up as his mother thought. I wanted to say something to ease his mind but nothing sounded soothing. It would seem rather creepy if I explained what was going on.

When class ended I had to wait for everyone to clear out before making my way back to my table. Mr. Banner was putting the projector away so Edward and I stood quietly until he moved. Neither of us spoke, or even looked at each other for that matter.

I quickly grabbed my backpack, which was unzipped, and my things flew out all over the floor. I closed my eyes in frustration and exhaled loudly.

Edward bent down to help me pick up my books and reached under the table to retrieve some paper. When I saw his hand I gasped. I tried to grab the paper but he was too quick. He stared down at the face of Elizabeth Masen.

His eyes flashed with rage as he reached out and grabbed me by the arm. "Come with me this instant, Bella," he demanded as he pulled me from the classroom.

"Edward, I promise I will come with you, just stop pulling my arm."

He let up a bit, but continued dragging me toward the parking lot. "Where are we going?" I asked.

He opened his car door and demanded, "Get in."

I sat as quickly as I could and the next thing I knew he was in the driver's seat. I looked to see if my door was closed since he was just standing next to me a moment earlier.

The tires squealed as he tore out of the parking lot.

"Edward, where are you taking me?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Don't speak," he insisted. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly I thought it was going to snap in two.

He drove out of town and turned onto a narrow winding road. He never let up on the speed and I finally closed my eyes out of fear. I was sure we were going to end up wrapped around a tree.

When the car stopped I opened my eyes just as Edward opened my car door. He reached in and took hold of my arm pulling me like a rag doll out of the car.

"Edward, you're hurting me," I complained.

He finally let go and motioned for me to walk through the front door. I stopped after entering the beautiful home. The décor was exquisite and I stood perfectly still gawking at my surroundings. I felt him put his hand on my back to guide me into the dining room.

He pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit. As soon as I sat down two people entered the room. I knew who they were, although I had never seen them before. Elizabeth told me about the young doctor who changed her son.

"Edward?" The man spoke looking a little concerned.

Without speaking Edward motioned for them to sit across from me. When they both sat down he slammed the picture of Elizabeth on the table and looked at me. "Explain this to me."

"Edward?" the woman gasped. "Please calm down."

"Carlisle, Esme, I am tired of sitting back, saying nothing, while this…this… _child_ plays with my life. I want answers."

They both looked at the picture and their eyes wandered to a small photograph sitting on a shelf of the same face.

"Bella," the man began speaking to me calmly, "do you know who this is?"

I nodded and said, "Elizabeth Masen."

"How do you know Elizabeth?" he pressed.

"She asked me to help her save Edward."

The woman gasped and covered her mouth. Edward let out a loud roar until Carlisle raised his hand to stop him.

"Elizabeth Masen is dead. She died many years ago," Carlisle stated while giving me a disapproving look.

I took a deep breath. "I know this is going to sound crazy but on Monday night I went into the woods and shot myself in the head." I noticed Edward froze. "I am not afraid to share this with you because as far as I'm concerned I should be dead right now. I am not afraid of any of you either. You won't hurt me."

Edward flinched at those words. Carlisle looked at Esme and then asked, "Why would you be afraid of us, Bella?"

"I know what you are," I stated, trying to sound as brave as I was pretending to be.

"Exactly what do you think you know, Bella?" Edward commanded.

I looked directly into his eyes. I could tell he was very afraid but was trying to remain calm. "You don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"That you're a vampire."

His eyes widened. "What…a…what makes you think that?"

I rolled my eyes at him and turned back to Carlisle and Esme. "Elizabeth said to tell you that she is not upset with you, Carlisle. She begged you to save her son because she knew there was something different about you. She saw you moving one night at a speed that could not be…human. She thought you were an angel," I added with a smile.

Carlisle sat back in his chair stunned, as if he had been kicked in the chest. I turned to Esme, "Elizabeth said to tell you thank you for loving Edward so much. She said she could not have chosen a better mother for him and she is very grateful."

Esme looked as if she was going to cry but no tears came. I wasn't sure if she was actually able to cry, but I could tell she was someone with a tender heart.

Edward began to shake as he slowly turned towards me. The next thing I knew I was up against the wall about two feet off the floor. Edward was growling ferociously in my face. His eyes were coal black and he looked completely out of his mind.

"EDWARD!" Carlisle's scream shook the windows. "Get control of yourself or leave this room immediately."

Edward instantly let go of my arms and moved across the room. I began rubbing the bruises that were already starting to form as Esme motioned for me to sit again.

"I apologize for Edward." She looked at him disapprovingly. "What did Elizabeth want?" she asked in her beautiful voice.

I looked worriedly at Edward and whispered. "She wants me to go away with him."

At that moment the other Cullens walked into the room. I didn't hear any cars pull up but Alice stepped forward and handed me the key to my truck.

I looked accusingly at Edward and took it from her. They all retreated to the doorway of the dining room to watch everything unfold.

"Look," I finally began, "I didn't ask for this. Elizabeth said Edward has lost his humanity. She said he is just existing but not really living….sorry about the pun," I added as my voice fell off.

I turned my attention to Edward. "She is very proud of your control but you have placed that above everything else. She wants you to know you _do_ have a part in the earth's plan…..she didn't tell me what it is, but she did say how you live and the choices you make are important."

Edward began shaking his head back and forth before I could even finish. "Fine, don't believe me, but I shot a bullet through my head and your dead mother sent me back to save you. I think that trumps whatever notions you have about your existence."

My bravado was becoming more real so I continued. "She knows you haven't always been so….controlled. She said to remind you from the ages of two to four you would bite your cousin, Albert, every time you played with him."

Emmett erupted in laughter until Esme gave him a warning look.

"The point is you grew out of it. You learned and matured just like you did in this… life."

I stood up and walked toward Edward. "If you don't believe me go ahead and ask me anything. I will prove it to you."

He looked at Carlisle and then back at me. "How old am I?"

"You were born in 1901 in Chicago. You were an only child because your mother suffered many miscarriages." I now turned to Esme, "She apologizes for Edward being so spoiled and so stubborn, but she did indulge him as a child."

Laughter again broke out in the doorway and this time I saw Rosalie smack Emmett on the back of the head.

"I don't know what it means for me if you refuse to do what she asks, Edward." I waited for him to look at me before I continued. "I don't know if it means I go back to being dead, or if life continues on from this moment. Either way I don't care. It is up to you."

"What does she want me to do?" he asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"You are supposed to go with me to your family's island… alone."

He laughed nervously. "You expect me to believe my dead mother wants her vampire son to take a human to a deserted island alone to learn something about humanity? That is absurd."

He turned to look at Alice. "Sorry," she mouthed. "I can't see you when you are around Bella. She is not only silent to you, but absent to me."

"I'm sorry," I quickly added. "Elizabeth told me I am not subject to any of your powers." I looked at Jasper too. "That is why it has to be me to go with Edward. He needs to be free of any other influences. He has to learn this lesson by himself."

I turned back to Edward. "And she didn't tell me how it would turn out either."

"So, I could just take you to the island, drain you dry and return back the same day?" he asked angrily.

"Yes, you could, but I doubt that would be learning any lesson now would it, Edward."

I began making my way out of the dining room. I was exhausted and wasn't going to stand here and watch Edward's temper tantrums any longer. I stopped when I reached Rosalie, and looked her in the eye while lowering my voice. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. Elizabeth said you didn't deserve that… but it changed your path and gave you a man who adores you above all else. Many women want what you have and will never come close to it."

Her defensive demeanor instantly melted and she wrapped her arm around Emmett. Her eyes fell to my feet as she murmured, "Thank you."

I reached my truck before Edward appeared at my side. I looked at him and waited but he didn't speak. I lifted my palms up showing him I was waiting, but he continued to stare into the forest. I opened the door and climbed into my truck.

"When," he finally asked

"What?" I replied.

"When are we supposed to go?"

"Whenever you are ready, I presume."

He stood there running his hands through his hair. His lips were tight as if he was trying to control his thoughts from spilling out of his mouth. I waited patiently for him to say something. When I realized he wasn't going to speak I sighed loudly.

His head snapped up and he finally looked at me. He opened his mouth and then shut it again as he shook his head back and forth. I wasn't sure if it was meant for me or if he was having a mental conversation with one of the Cullens in the house. He suddenly spoke.

"What are you going to tell your father? I am sure the Chief of Police would not want his daughter running off with a stranger."

"I'm supposedly running away with my boyfriend from Arizona. And you are giving Charlie way too much credit…believe me."

His brow furrowed. "What are you going to tell your boyfriend?"

"Nothing," I smiled. "He doesn't exist."

He looked back into the forest and nodded slightly without another word.

I started my truck and waited to see if he had anything else to say. He was frozen in place with such a distressed look on his face. I put the truck in gear and drove home.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Shouldn't this be Paradise**_

_**2**_

I was sound asleep when I felt a cold hand on my arm. I jumped and had to throw my hand over my own mouth to keep from screaming. Edward was standing next to my bed and my room looked empty.

"What the hell, Edward." My heart was racing from fear until I realized I was only wearing a tight white t-shirt; the racing continued but from embarrassment now.

My closet was bare and all my pictures and stuffed animals were gone. The room looked like it did before I moved in. Alice was standing by my dresser with an envelope in her hand.

"It's time." She smiled as she sat the envelope on top of the dresser. I noticed the word 'Dad' written across the front.

"I haven't packed," I said sleepily.

Alice laughed aloud. "Silly Bella," she said shaking her head.

"I have all of your stuff," Edward explained before turning away from me.

I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Alice handed me a garment bag as I passed her and Edward headed down the stairs. I showered as quickly as possible and put on the clothes Alice bought me.

She had an eye for sizes since everything fit perfectly. The dark blue t-shirt was stretchy and very comfortable with the matching grey cotton pants and hoodie.

After brushing my teeth and putting on makeup I headed down stairs. Alice grabbed my toiletry kit and assured me a new one had already been packed. _Dang, I could get used to this_.

Edward was staring at me with another one of his unreadable expressions until he looked at Alice accusingly. I could swear I saw him glare at her and she just laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

"The color looks good on her skin," Alice said suddenly as if she was answering some unasked question.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked.

"You mean your ghost didn't tell you?" Edward said with sarcasm.

"Oh, she told me plenty," I spewed back. "Just not the specifics of where the island is located."

Edward turned and walked out of the house. "Sour ass," I mumbled as I shook my head in resignation. I assumed I would be a carcass drained of all blood by nightfall.

When we reached the airport Edward walked up to a kiosk and checked our bags. I tried to see where our tickets said we were going but he moved his hands so quickly I didn't get a good look. As we made our way through security he handed me a passport which shocked the hell out of me.

"How did you get me a passport so quickly?" I asked stunned.

He rolled his eyes at me without answering. I had a brief fantasy of telling the security agent that the man I was traveling with just made me a fake official document and watch in glee as they drug his ass off to prison. But something in the pit of my stomach made me want to snuggle up to his side and beg his sour ass to never leave me. _I'm too stupid to live._

I noticed how all the women would stare at Edward with longing. The security agent who looked at our documents didn't even glance at mine. She was too busy smiling for Edward and telling him she hopes he has a good trip. He charmingly told her thank you and walked to the conveyer to remove his shoes and jacket. The entire area gave a collective sigh as he stood in his tight blue t-shirt, the exact color of mine, and low slung jeans.

I desperately wanted to scream….._he's a freaking vampire ladies_! No, that's not true; I really wanted to scream….._he's MY freaking vampire ladies_! Of course nobody would believe that since he only looked in my direction with irritation when my slow, clumsy movements held up his pace.

We traveled the entire way without having a decent conversation with each other. I slept off and on while Edward read. We switched planes in Texas for Sao Paolo, Brazil and I finally got the courage to ask him if I could get something to eat. I noticed his eyes softened a bit as he reached for his wallet.

"I have money," I just want to make sure you will wait for me. He simply nodded and turned back to his book. I let out a frustrated groan and walked away. When we found our seats in first class I turned to offer him some of my M&M's without thinking.

"Sorry, just a habit," I said when he glared hatefully, so the bitch in me took it further. I extended my arm over his book to get his full attention. "How about a sip?"

Now I had done it! His eyes flashed with anger as he quickly looked around to see if we were being watched. "Do you have any sense of self-preservation?" he whispered in rage.

I smirked at him, happy I finally found a button to push, until he found one of mine to push. "Go to sleep, you look haggard," he suggested.

I grabbed my travel pillow and turned to face away from him. Of course I would look haggard sitting next to him. He was perfection and I was the stupid girl who was forcing him to run away with her. I was never more certain Elizabeth was completely wrong.

From Sao Paolo we drove to the city of Santos and boarded a private boat. I felt exhausted and in want of a shower when the small boat pulled up to the dock on Isle Esme, twenty miles off the coast of Southern Brazil.

The Island was only about five miles wide with sandy beaches and dense Jungle. A section of land jutted out exposing a beautiful bungalow designed perfectly to blend in with the surroundings. The house sat at an angle so the back looked over a large beach area.

Three men began unloading crates of supplies and carrying them into the house. Edward motioned for me to follow him and he headed toward the back of the bungalow. We entered through a pair of sliding glass doors into a beautiful bedroom. Edward sat down two large suitcases and walked over to a side door, opening it to reveal a bathroom.

"This will be your room. Mine is down the hall."

The bed was all white, white rod iron making intricate patterns against the white wall and covered in a white comforter with white pillows, white billowing gossamer hung from the canopy over the bed, I don't know why that struck me as odd.

_A king size bed... freaking amazing…this was so much better than my room in Forks._

He turned toward yet another door and exited down a hallway. I followed slowly behind as he walked into a large sitting area. Elegant furniture was everywhere and a white grand piano sat off the kitchen.

The Cullen family definitely had money. Their island home was better than most people's main residences. _Maybe that is why Edward acts like he has a stick up his ass._

The three men were frantically putting food into the refrigerator and cupboards. I was hoping I could stay alive long enough to eat it all.

Edward turned to finally speak to me. "Bella, I'm going back to the mainland."

My eyes grew wide and I motioned for him to follow me back into the hallway.

"Edward, I don't want these men to know I will be here alone." I was hoping to appeal to his protective nature that I thought all men possessed….but I wasn't sure if vampire men had the same instinct.

He smiled and added, "I'm going back so I can bring Carlisle's boat here. We need some means of getting back and forth." He leaned in closer and whispered, "And I need to hunt before I return."

I instinctually backed up as I shook my head in acknowledgement. Edward laughed aloud and followed the men out to the dock.

Taking advantage of the situation I began looking around. Edwards's room was just as beautiful as mine but it didn't have a bathroom. I looked at the blue bedspread and dark mahogany bed frame and tried to imagine Edward lying there. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. If I couldn't picture him doing something as mundane as lying on a bed he must not have a shred of humanity in him. My job was going to be tough.

The living room had a huge flat screen television with an entire bookshelf full of movies. Another door off of the sitting area led to an amazing library, I was excited at the thought of actually having something decent to read, since I was sure Edward wouldn't be the best company.

I went back to my room and opened the sliding glass doors. I could see the water about 50 yards away. Palm trees lined a walking path and I noticed hammocks hanging from some of the trees.

I walked over to a small out building and pressed my face against the window. I saw jet skis, scuba and snorkeling equipment, kayaks and rafts of all sizes. _Hum, who knew vampires were so into water sports?_

I walked to the water's edge and put my feet in. I was shocked at how warm it was. It felt like bath water. I suddenly couldn't wait to put on my swimsuit and jump in. I planned on staying close to the shore since it was getting so dark.

I ran back to my room and laid both suitcases down. Alice obviously loaned me her luggage since I didn't own anything so classic. I unzipped both cases and lifted the lids at the same time.

I instantly thought I had Edward's cases by mistake. I didn't recognize anything. Then I noticed tags on the garments and began pulling them out one by one. Nothing of mine was in either bag. Everything was brand new.

"Damn it," I yelled into the air. Why wasn't I smart enough to look ahead of time? Alice obviously wanted me looking stylish when her brother snapped and drank my blood.

I found a total of six swimsuits. All designed for style and not comfort, and all so much smaller than what I was comfortable wearing. I decided on the largest of the small pieces and put it on vowing to wear a t-shirt or towel whenever I was around Edward.

I knew I had a decent figure but my pale white skin made me uncomfortable wearing a bikini. When you live in Arizona, Valley of the Sun, being pale as death was not a marketable feature.

I walked into the water until it was up to my chest. I lay back and floated in the warm waves as I stared at the moon. I felt my tired muscles begin to relax. This was absolutely paradise. I felt like I had won the lottery or something until I remembered my mission. I wasn't here to just relax, or was I? Maybe that is exactly what Mr. Sour Ass needed, a chance to relax.

When I began to get sleepy I headed back to the house and grabbed the new toiletry bag, instantly noticing the expensive shampoo. I jumped in the shower and enjoyed the strawberry smell of my new shampoo, imagining how it would tame my wild hair and instantly turn me into model material….maybe not. The shower was cool, since I was already overheated by the warm ocean water.

I used the blow dryer to dry my hair and loved the silky feel from the expensive conditioner, _no wonder Alice and Rosalie always looked so beautiful_. I brushed my teeth and couldn't hold back my yawns any longer.

I wrapped the towel around my body and went back into my room. I checked to see if the door was locked, even though I didn't hear anything to signal if Edward had returned. The glass door in the back of the room was still open letting a cool breeze into the stuffy interior.

It took forever digging through the suitcases to find something decent to wear to bed. _Who wears negligees and peignoirs_? I settled on a pair of little boxer shorts and a tank top. I had them in my hand heading for the bathroom to cut the tags, when I pulled off my towel to hang it up. I was walking naked and totally oblivious when I heard a sound, causing me to jump.

I looked over just in time to see the back of Edward, walking quickly away from the glass door. I screamed and ran into the bathroom, throwing on the pajamas, as if quickly dressing could somehow remove the images of my naked body from Edward's mind. I wanted to die!

After what seemed like hours I made my way into the dark bedroom, the white interior mocking me, and climbed into bed. I could feel my face turning red just thinking about facing Edward tomorrow.

I couldn't believe it was almost noon when I woke up. The time change and the travel had my inner clock so messed up. But I really didn't have any reason to arise early. _I think I'm gonna love this whole island thing_! I got up and put on a long sundress, trying to cover as much skin as I could.

My stomach reminded me I was starving, so I headed straight to the kitchen. Edward was nowhere to be seen. I held perfectly still to see if I could hear him somewhere in the house, but all I could hear was waves crashing against the shore.

I fixed a breakfast of cereal, toast and bananas; ate slowly and washed my dishes afterwards. I decided to put on another swimsuit and cover it with a t-shirt before heading out to the hammock to read.

By nightfall I was beginning to worry about Edward. I walked back to the dock and noticed a beautiful boat with a red tarp canopy shored with thick rope. _Hum, he has to be here somewhere, how big is this island?_ I went back to the house and looked for Edward…..nothing.

After making a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner I put on a movie and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up the television was turned off and I was covered in a light blanket. Obviously, Edward was around somewhere and trying to avoid me.

The next day was more of the same. I didn't see or hear Edward but noticed fresh flowers on the piano. I would expect Alice or even Rosalie to make sure there were fresh flowers, but Edward? Maybe there was another reason he never talked to the swarm of girls always following him around.

I was now beginning to get irritated and very, very bored. Instead of staying in the living area after dinner I went straight to my room; I could sulk too. I was beginning to get cabin fever and really wanted someone to talk to, even if it meant talking to a vampire who hated me.

Piano music woke me up on the third morning. _Thank God_. I was so afraid he was going to leave that I jumped out of bed and ran into the room wearing only a pair of skimpy pajamas Alice had packed.

He looked up and his fingers froze momentarily when he saw me. His eyes quickly looked back at the piano and I felt my face blush.

"Sorry, Edward, I don't mean to be improper but I didn't want to chance missing you. If I go change will you promise to stay?"

He nodded without saying a word.

I put on yet another swimsuit and covered it with a white short sundress. I returned to the piano and stood next to it while he continued to play.

"You are very talented. How long have you played?"

He looked up at me and shrugged. "I don't remember. I just know I can play."

Memories flooded my brain as I walked slowly to the piano bench and sat down next to him. He stopped playing and looked at me. I held out my hand and he just stared at it. I finally reached out and pulled his hand into mine.

He cringed as if his cold skin would be repulsive to me, so I just smiled and began, "You took lessons from an elderly woman across the street when you were six. By the age of eight she encouraged your parents to invest in a private tutor. A man from the local conservatory came to your house three times a week until you were fourteen."

He stared at the piano keys for a long time before he whispered, "I don't remember."

My heart broke a little, he didn't move again until I let go of his hand.

"Do you know how to play, Bella?" he asked hopefully.

I laughed hard. "I was dragged to lessons but we didn't have a piano. It gets pretty hard to practice on a piece of cardboard. I only remember one song."

"Will you please play it for me?"

"God no," I laughed.

"Please?"

He seemed so serious and I had to admit it felt good to be conversing with someone, so I relented.

I began my painful rendition of 'Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head' and he quickly jumped in adding colorful rifts and supporting melodies. We were both laughing loudly by the time the song came to an end.

He quickly looked at me and asked, "Do you want to take the boat out and do some snorkeling?"

"Sure," I responded a little too energetically. Anything would be better than the mind numbing days I had so far.

I grabbed a box of cherry pop tarts and sunscreen as he collected the gear. I followed him to the boat and tried my best to keep up with his fast pace. It was then I noticed he had on a pair of swimming trunks. Before heading off in the boat he took off his shirt and threw it onto the deck.

I felt my face redden so I turned away from him. His physique looked like a perfect sculpture, as if he had been chiseled by an artist. His body glistened in the sun, like millions of diamonds were embedded in his skin. The only thing that gave me any comfort was the fact he was paler than I was.

He stayed close to the shore and drove us halfway around the island. When he finally stopped he threw over the anchor and handed me some equipment. I stood awkwardly looking back and forth from the sun, to the water, to him.

"What?" he finally asked.

"Um….I…well, um, I."

He looked at his uncovered chest sparkling in the sun. "Nobody will see me, don't worry."

"No, that's not it," I stammered.

"What is it, Bella?"

I finally lifted the sunscreen towards him. "I'm very fair skinned and I didn't bring a t-shirt so I need this. Um…I need it on my back." I could feel myself turning red and mentally smacked myself for being so lame.

He reached out and took the bottle from me. I turned around and pulled my sundress off, holding it tight against me. I reached back with one hand and unhooked my bikini top.

I had just barely registered the cold feeling on my back when my suit was suddenly re-hooked and the sunscreen was back on the seat.

"Wow, you're fast," I exclaimed. "I should have you do this every day."

He didn't respond and quickly jumped in the water, but I would swear he would have blushed if he could.

We spent hours snorkeling around the island, the beauty was indescribable. It took me a bit to get used to Edward swimming underwater without surfacing or needing to breathe. He seemed just as awed by the colors of fish and plant life as I was.

He stayed about 6 feet from me at all times until a stingray swam under me and I screamed. I lunged toward Edward and he took my hand while laughing at me. After that he stayed right by my side.

When we returned to the house I was beyond hungry and so exhausted I couldn't even think about cooking. Edward volunteered to make dinner, as long as I promised to walk him through the process. I sat at the table with my head on my arms and barked out instructions. It was every woman's dream.

He made a huge salad which I munched on as he cooked noodles. "Okay," he started, "isn't there some sort of sauce that goes over the pasta?"

"Just add some butter, salt and pepper."

"Bella, I know something red is supposed to go over this."

I laughed loudly. "I want it the way I want it, so no sauce, just a little butter with salt and pepper," I repeated.

After following my instructions he reached for a bowl. "Hold on Cullen. I am starving and presentation doesn't really matter so just hand me the pan."

"I am not going to make you eat like a barbarian, Bella."

"Please tell me you don't take a napkin with you when you hunt," I laughed.

At first he looked shocked but then played along. "I am a very civilized hunter, never a drop on my clothing."

"What a fancy vampire boy you are," I said while shaking my head.

"What does that mean, Swan?"

I grabbed the pan from his hand and got a fork out of the drawer before I answered him. "Whatever floats your boat, it isn't my place to judge."

"Judge what?" He was getting defensive now.

"Relax Edward, I'm just teasing you. But for my own curiosity can I ask you which way you lean?"

"Lean," he repeated. "I don't know what you mean."

"Are you gay, Edward?" I asked bluntly.

His jaw dropped in surprise.

"It's a simple yes or no question."

"I would think your ghost would have told you that information." He was having a hard time controlling his anger which was growing.

"Why do you do that?" I asked between bites.

"Do what?" 

"Make fun of this situation? If I just wanted to get you alone I would have come up with a much better story. And, I personally feel you are disrespecting your mother when you refer to her as my ghost."

"I guess I am having a hard time dealing with all of this." He was speaking very quietly. "There are times I totally believe you but…."

I put my fork down and looked at him until he finally met my gaze. "Edward, a week ago I would have laughed at the mere mention of vampires. You exist, so why's it so hard to imagine your mother is in heaven watching over you? Waiting for you?"

"Heaven… right!" He scoffed.

"Why would hell want you?"

His eyes flashed with anger again.

"I'm serious Edward, why would hell want someone who cares about others to the point he will only drink animal blood to survive, even though it is totally against his nature?"

"I have killed humans, Bella."

I instantly remembered his mother telling me how Edward hunted only evil, guilty people.

"So what makes you any different from the man who pulls the switch on the electric chair?"

"He is carrying out a sentence. I acted as judge, jury, and executioner all rolled into one." His jaw tightened as he spoke.

"Only because you have the gift of knowing if the person was truly guilty or not, you have more right to judge than people sitting on a jury trying to make an educated guess."

He continued to shake his head as I spoke.

"I don't get this Edward." I made a sweeping motion toward him with my hand. "Why aren't you drinking my blood at this very moment?"

His face went from anger to pain and back to anger again, but he didn't respond.

"I already killed myself once, what would it matter if you just helped me do a better job of it?" I waited several minutes for him to answer but he never did. "I think you know deep down that you still have a purpose in your life."

"And," I continued while I still had the nerve. "I think you are starting to enjoy my company and that gives you hope."

He turned quickly on his heels and went straight to his room. I heard the door lock after he slammed it shut. I felt defeated. It was so nice having someone to spend the day with and now I had blown it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Maybe This Won't be so Bad**_

3

I woke up late again the next morning. All the swimming and heat was really draining me. I dragged myself out of bed and dressed in shorts and a swimsuit top before going into the kitchen for breakfast.

I was stirring the eggs when Edward walked in the front door. I was so happy to see he wasn't avoiding me today. I had mentally prepared myself for another boring, totally alone day. I saw both of his hands were full of packages.

'Whatcha got?" I asked.

"This is for you," he stated while lifting up the bags. "I went to the mainland to hunt last night and picked up some drawing supplies for you."

I was a little stunned at first by the thought of being here alone last night and not even aware of it, then I became so grateful he actually thought about me and bought the supplies.

"Alice told me you would only need to hunt about every two weeks. Is there something wrong?" 

"I usually only spend school hours around humans. Our house is pretty scent free, so I am not used to having your smell saturated…." He looked at me as if he was saying too much. "I am just being cautious; there is nothing to worry about."

I nodded and went back to fixing my eggs.

"Hey, Edward, will you let me draw you? You know, like, model for me?"

"On a tropical island you can't find something better to draw?" He protested.

I didn't have the nerve to tell him it was only him my fingers were itching to put onto paper. I tried to shrug nonchalantly but he could see my disappointment.

"Sure," he finally relented. "I will set you up a space on the veranda." He walked out the door taking the shopping bags with him.

I finished breakfast, washed the dishes and joined Edward on the veranda. He had a chair in front of an easel and all my supplies arranged on a side table along with a large bag of M&M's. He was sitting on the railing with his back against a support beam.

"You bought me M&M's?" I screamed in glee.

"They look and smell inedible, but you seemed to like them on the airplane."

"Inedible, are you crazy? They are better than sex…..um…not like I would…well…you know." _Could I be any more of an idiot_?

Edward laughed softly and lifted one leg, with his knee bended, to rest on the railing.

Perfect," I said. "Stay just like you are and don't move."

I sat down and began to pencil in his frame. I became totally lost in my drawing. Nobody could be as still as Edward. I don't think he was even breathing. I don't know how long it took me to get it just perfect, but the sun was beginning to move toward the west telling me it had to be sometime in the late afternoon.

"Done," I announced and threw a handful of M&M's in my mouth as a reward.

He smiled and walked toward the easel as I stood back to give him room for a proper inspection. He looked at the paper and then back at me with such hatred in his eyes it startled me.

"What's wrong?"

"Why did you do that, Bella?"

"Do what?"

"Why did you draw me like that?" 

I looked back at the portrait. It was one of my best drawings, if I said so myself. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I just drew you exactly as I saw you. I don't know what you are upset about Edward, but I can get rid of it." I reached out with a large piece of charcoal in my hand.

He grabbed my wrist before it could make contact with the paper and pulled the portrait off the easel. He was gone and into the house before I realized he had even moved.

I followed quickly, furious now.

He had gone into his room and I headed straight for the door. When I found it wasn't locked I threw the door open with such force it made a dent in the wall where the knob made contact.

He was standing in the middle of the room running his hands through his hair. My anger grew as I flexed my stiff hand back and forth.

"What the hell is your problem you spoiled little brat!"

I heard a low growl admit from his chest as he turned to face me. My rage lessened instantaneously.

"I spent a lot of time making that drawing perfect. You can at least say thank you," I mumbled.

"Bella, I never moved a muscle while I modeled for you. I sat like stone. Why did you draw me so…so….so human?"

"I drew exactly what I saw, Edward. If you think it looked a little too human maybe you should look in a mirror more often."

We stared at each other silently for several minutes.

"I think it is you," he said so quietly I wasn't sure I heard him correctly.

"You think what's me?"

"You make me more human." Again, he spoke barely above a whisper.

I didn't know what to say. My heart was beating erratically and I was sure he could tell how nervous I was. I began to think about what Elizabeth told me. Did he find his humanity already? Was this all I was supposed to accomplish? Were we heading back to Forks now?

I finally found my voice. "What do you think this means?"

He shrugged and let out a long jagged breath as he turned away from me.

I took his gesture to mean he wanted to be alone, so I walked from his room and headed out of the house to think. When I climbed into a large hammock I was shocked to see Edward following close behind me. He climbed effortlessly onto the other end so my feet were at his head. He laid back and folded both arms behind his head.

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions? He asked.

I just shook my head, eyeing him cautiously.

"Why….I mean, um, the whole thing that led you to speak with my mother."

"Why I killed myself?" I offered to make him more comfortable.

"Yes."

"I never felt like I fit into this world. Everything was just skewed for me. I really don't know how to explain it. I never made a connection with anyone and I finally just got tired of trying."

"Have you ever been in love?' he asked.

"No," I snorted. "I'm not the type of girl boys tend to notice."

"That's not true. Boys notice beautiful girls all the time."

"You don't have to do that." Patronizing me was not going to be comforting.

"What isn't beautiful about you? Your gorgeous thick hair, your incredible brown eyes, your full lips that form into a breathtaking smile, or is it your perfect body that boy's find so unappealing?"

I could feel a blush break out over my entire body. "Yeah, well, you were finding something repulsive about me to glare daggers at in biology."

He sat up immediately causing the hammock to swing precariously. "Bella, did that night have anything to do with me?"

I didn't answer and refused to look at him.

"Oh my god Bella, what have I done?"

"Edward, it was one of many things, not just you."

It now seemed pitiful that I let a strange boy have such an effect on me. Kids always glared at me, why did I let Edward have so much power? It wasn't like he was nice to other kids at school and singled me out. Edward was distant to everyone.

"Look at me, please?" He begged.

I glanced up but couldn't hold his gaze. He moved to my side balancing the hammock and lifted my chin with his cold fingers. My heart began racing causing him to smile lightly.

"I wasn't repulsed by you. I couldn't read your thoughts and it drove me crazy. I felt so inferior around you. You were so much better than me that I couldn't even look into your mind."

I pulled my face away and looked down at my hands again, unable to speak. My mind was some freak show just like I thought. Even vampires couldn't connect with me. That was why Elizabeth needed my help, every other girl was too normal, but Bella Swan is so weird she isn't affected by otherworldly things.

"My mother was right, I am spoiled and stubborn." he said with a sigh.

I couldn't help but smile at his revelation.

He continued. "It was more than not being able to read your mind, Bella. I was also attracted to you and I was too proud to admit a human could hold that kind of appeal for me. You were just too perfect." He reached out and put his hand in mine.

_What? Attracted to me? Surely he is just trying to make up for the fact he treated me like the Ebola virus in biology. _

"When we first arrived and I saw you in your room….."

"When I was naked?" I finished his sentence in anger.

"I apologize," he offered earnestly. I just nodded my head.

"At that moment I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even face you. I had emotions that were so new to me and I didn't know how to deal with them. I have been set in stone for over a century. When I felt myself changing it was unsettling. I had never noticed human girls before."

Something Elizabeth said came into my mind as clear as if she was talking directly to me, I now understood what she meant by having perfect recall when I needed it.

I held his hand tightly and smiled at him. "When you were thirteen a girl from your church caught your attention. She had bright red hair and was covered in freckles and you thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. You followed her around for weeks never getting enough nerve to speak to her."

"What happened to her?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"She married her fiancé. She was 21 years old," I laughed.

He joined in with my laughter and blurted out…. "I guess I've always liked older women."

My laughter stopped and I looked at him surprised.

He quickly explained. "Technically, I am seventeen years old. You are eighteen."

I decided to take the conversation to the place we were both avoiding. "Do you think you are supposed to change me to be a…you know….like you?"

His face went very dark, very quickly. "I won't do that!"

"I'm not asking you to do anything Edward. I just don't know what all of this means. Once you regain whatever you mother felt you needed, what happens to me? Do I go back to being dead? Do I go back to my miserable existence?"

We both sat quietly for several minutes. "Why are you alone, Edward?" I inquired.

"Alone?" he sounded stunned by my question.

"Yeah, I mean Rosalie found Emmett. Alice sought out Jasper. Carlisle changed Esme. Why don't you want a companion?"

He looked at me with such confusion in his eyes I didn't think he understood the question until he finally murmured. "I'm not alone…now"

I swallowed loudly and my heart went into overdrive. I didn't want to assume the wrong thing so I needed him to say what he was feeling.

"Are you being forced into not being alone?" My insecurities were surfacing quickly.

"No," he said softly and looked down at his lap. "There is nobody I would rather be with than you, Bella Swan."

I wondered if this is what Elizabeth meant by my destiny. Was Edward the one I was supposed to spend eternity with? But how could a human and a vampire be in a relationship?

"Edward, how is this supposed to work?"

He looked pained again and just shrugged. "I'm not sure if it can work."

"Do you know any vampires who are in a relationship with a human?"

Without looking at me he shook his head. I waited for him to say something but he remained silent. I was suddenly aware of how hot the day had become. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back.

I pulled my hair up off of my neck to let some air reach my overheated skin. Edward placed his cold hand on the back of my neck causing me to moan in pleasure. He pulled me to sit in front of him between his legs and quickly removed his t-shirt. I gently leaned my sweating back against his chest. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

I was just about to speak when Edward whispered in my ear. "You have no idea how your warm body feels against me." It wasn't said in a suggestive way, only as a direct comment by somebody experiencing something for the very first time.

I laughed and admitted I was about to say the same thing about his cold skin. We were interrupted by my stomach letting me know I was not feeding it properly.

"I am not used to being around someone who needs to eat at regular intervals. You should to be more attentive to the needs of your body," he chastised as his chin remained on my shoulder.

"I was," I teased. I felt my face turn red as Edward's smile turn into a huge grin against my ear.

We got off of the hammock and headed to the house. I was surprised when he took my hand in his as we walked.

"Oh, and Bella, thank you for the portrait, you are very talented."

I had forgotten what started our whole soul searching talk. It seemed like weeks ago I was drawing him. Everything changed in the matter of one afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Talk about Drama**_

That evening we watched a movie, or should I say I watched a movie and Edward watched me. I chose '_P.S. I Love You'_ and began to cry almost immediately. I pulled my knees up tightly trying to hide behind them, but Edward just moved closer with an amused expression on his face.

"It's not funny, Edward. This is what true love is all about."

"It is only a movie and I doubt those two actors care for each other at all."

"You know what I mean," I glared at him.

He only laughed harder.

"Okay smart ass, let's say tomorrow you find I am rotting in a grave somewhere back in Forks. Would you want a letter to arrive from me or would you rather I didn't bother you."

"Bella, my god….why would you even say something like that," he pulled away from me in disgust.

I broke out into loud sobs at that point; Edward scooted back over and wrapped his arms around me trying his best to comfort me.

"We can change movies if you want. Please don't cry, Bella."

"No, Edward. You just don't get it. I have no idea what I am doing here. And I mean literally HERE! I find myself falling for you and I don't know if that is what I am supposed to do. Am I supposed to be with you? Am I supposed to be dead? I just don't understand."

He was speechless, so I took advantage of the silence to pull out of his arms and head to my bathroom. I immediately understood what was going on; I started my period and my hormones were making me an emotional wreck. I looked under the sink and found a huge supply of tampons. At least someone in the Cullen household thought ahead. I was sure it was Alice.

I walked back into the room and found Edward sitting with his head in his hands. He looked at me and suddenly backed away. Obviously he knew what was going on with my body too.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"That's fine Bella; we are around human women all the time. It isn't a problem."

"Beyond my total humiliation you mean?"

He laughed and quickly tried to rein it in.

"You can laugh; I won't rip your head off. Do you want me to sit somewhere else? I don't want to make it difficult for you."

"How about taking a walk with me?" He held out his hand and I quickly put mine in his. He led me out the back door toward the beach. We strolled along the shore getting just our feet wet; it was soothing to be with him this way. It seemed natural and made me feel safe.

"Look," he said, pointing toward the dark, thick jungle. "Those are bats flying in to eat the mosquito's."

"Relatives of yours," I asked trying to sound serious.

He turned to look at me with a shocked expression which only made me laugh. He quickly pulled me tightly to his body. My laughter died off as I looked into his sincere face.

He was so beautiful; there was no way Elizabeth meant him for me. I couldn't help but sigh as he looked so lovingly at me. My hands were on his chest and I was standing on my tip toes in his vice like grip. I slowly pulled my hands up and around his neck.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure he could feel it against his. I couldn't tell if he was the one shaking or if it was me; I think it was a combination of us both. He slowly let me down onto my flat feet and moved one hand to the back of my neck. His other hand moved to my cheek and I leaned into his palm and closed my eyes.

He cautiously laid his cheek against mine and stood perfectly still. I turned my face very slightly and gently kissed his cheek. He did the same and lightly kissed my cheek over and over again. After a few moments he pulled away. I offered him my hand and we continued our walk along the shore.

We slowly made our way back to the house and I couldn't help the yawn that broke free. He chuckled and walked me straight to my bedroom door. I didn't want to leave his presence; afraid the day was just a dream and tomorrow would return us to our awkward selves.

"Sweet dreams, my love," he whispered into my ear causing goose bumps to break out down my neckline.

I threw my arms around his neck and clung to his frame. "I wish I didn't have to sleep," I complained. "Stay with me until I drift off."

Edward got a panicked look on his face and looked over at the bed. "Please Edward." I whined. "Nobody will know. It is just you and me."

He began walking, pushing me backwards until my knees hit the mattress. I cleared my throat and excused myself to go into the bathroom. When I returned he was sitting on the side of the bed. I handed him a towel to clean his feet as I climbed up and lay on a pillow.

He turned and laid next to me, both of us on our sides starring at the other. "Goodnight," I whispered when my eyes got too heavy to hold open.

He moved closer and placed his cool forehead against mine.

I woke up alone and groaned loudly as I made my way to the bathroom hoping I hadn't dreamed the whole thing. I took a long shower and dressed in one of the many pretty sundresses Alice stocked my suitcase with.

I took extra time with my hair using the flat iron to get control of the humidity that seemed to come from nowhere overnight. When I finally emerged from my room I saw Edward sitting at the table. A plate of food was waiting for me and everything looked delicious.

"You look beautiful, Bella." Edward stared at me as if he was seeing me for the first time.

I am sure he heard my heart react to his compliment. I knew there was no use pretending I wasn't completely love struck, so I walked over and sat on his open lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on his nose. "Thank you."

Holding me tightly with one arm he reached over and pulled my plate in front of him with the other. He picked up a spoonful of fruit and brought it up to my mouth.

_Oh my god…he is going to feed me._

I stared directly into his eyes as I leaned in and took the entire spoon into my mouth. He instinctively licked his lips as I slowly pulled back and let the spoon free.

He put the spoon down and picked up some cantaloupe with his fingers. He brought it back to my lips and I took hold of his wrist. I stuck out my tongue and slowly licked up his finger to where the fruit was waiting. His eyes turned almost black and he hissed as I nibbled the end of his thumb before taking the fruit into my mouth.

I had no idea what had come over me. I was quickly turning into someone I didn't even recognize. I usually wasn't flirtatious, and I surely wasn't trying to seduce him. I didn't even know how to do that. _I really need to stop reading romance novels._

"Bella, stop," he said almost pleading and closed his eyes.

I pulled myself from his lap and sat in the chair across from him, dragging my plate with me, grateful he was saving me from myself. "Can we ride the jet skis today?" I said, trying to hide my embarrassment.

Edward turned toward the kitchen window. "I think we have a storm coming. The surf is pretty rough right now."

"Like a hurricane?" I asked in fear.

"No," he assured me with a chuckle. "Just wind and rain."

"Don't laugh at me Edward. If a hurricane hit which one of us doesn't have to worry about fatal injuries?"

"I don't know Bella, maybe my father would like to speak with you next!" His eyes sparkled as if he was truly enjoying having someone to tease.

"At least there isn't a second Masen boy who needs saving," I teased back.

He smiled and looked at me through his lashes making my heart skip. "I don't share."

A sudden clap of thunder made me jump and Edward burst into laughter. "I could do without the exclamation point, but you get my meaning."

I smiled widely and lowered my head, completely aware of my traitorous heart beating wildly.

After I finished eating we opened the drapes in his bedroom and spent the morning cuddled up on his bed watching the rain. We were both on our left sides staring out the window, Edward's arm lying attentively over my waist, as his chest leaned into my back. We talked about our favorite color, our favorite time of year, our favorite books and music. Long stretches of silence were not uncomfortable at all. We were just enjoying being together.

"Bella?" he whispered.

"Yeah," I yawned in response.

He didn't say anything more so I turned to look at him. He looked as if he was crying but there were no tears coming from his eyes.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I began to panic.

"I remember storms," he whispered softly.

"I don't understand."

"As a child… I remember storms as a child, in Chicago. They used to terrify me."

I gasped as memories flooded my mind. I sat up, pulling his face closer to mine between my hands. "What would you do when you were scared?"

He stared into my eyes and answered quickly. "I would call for my mother and she would sit on my bed until I fell asleep."

"Yes, yes…and what would she tell you?" I could barely contain my own excitement.

He rose up onto his knees as I continued holding his face in my hands. "She told me the thunder was the earth saying thank you for the rain, and the lightning was the sky saying you're welcome…and I should never be afraid when nature was just using its manners."

The tears began to spill over from my eyes as I kissed him over and over covering his cheeks. Silent sobs racked his chest until he finally put his own hands to my face and held me still.

"I love you," he managed to say as his lips fell onto my own.

I had never kissed a boy before. I was the first one to burst through the sickening couples kissing outside the classrooms, acting like an hour apart would bring their worlds crashing down around them.

I didn't have to think about what I was doing. I wasn't trying to match his movements or making sure my lips were using just the right amount of pressure while remaining soft. This felt so natural, as if my lips were made just for Edward. I climbed onto his lap trying to get closer, needing to feel his body closer to mine.

His hands wrapped around my back pulling me tightly to his chest as my legs wrapped around his waist. My hands found their way into his hair and when he moaned my fists held tightly to his locks. I couldn't make myself pull away even when I heard a growl begin to grow in his chest. I pushed my lips tighter to his to keep it from escaping from his mouth.

Edward finally put his hands on my waist and easily lifted me away from him. I groaned in defeat and separated my mouth from his. I was panting as I sat back and looked at him.

I felt my face turn red. "I guess that is my way of saying I love you too."

"I think I want to learn your language," he laughed taking deep unneeded breaths.

"So what do you think this means?"

He shook his head and lay back down. "I think I finally understand what my mother meant by losing my humanity. I tried so hard to keep myself free from feelings. I thought it would help me control the monster within."

"You were never a monster Edward!"

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I wanted to do to you a few seconds ago."

My heart fell. "You wanted to drink my blood?" I asked incredulously.

"No, Bella. No."

My face instantly turned red and a weird chuckle escaped from my mouth.

"Oh…. Well, I guess you have met your match because I wanted to do some pretty monstrous things to you too," I admitted.

Just like that, I phased into _that_ girl. The girl who couldn't be away from her guy, that wanted to spend every second in his company, wear his clothes, listen to him breathe, guess his every thought and dissect it into a million unspoken meanings.

He groaned out loud and turned over onto his stomach. I moved to lie next to him, looking at his face.

After several minutes we both broke into huge grins and began laughing hysterically. We were adults in age, if you count years on earth and not actual birthdays, but in experiences we were still so very young; regardless of what our bodies told us. Our childish behavior was quickly interrupted by Edwards's cell phone ringing.

"I am sure my family heard about the storm and wants to make sure we're okay." He answered the phone and sat back down on the bed.

He didn't speak for several minutes. I wondered if there was really anyone on the other end of the phone. Finally, his head dropped and he began speaking so fast I couldn't catch any actual words.

When he closed the phone and placed it on the bedside table I waited for him to look at me. Instead he lay back onto the bed and closed his eyes.

"Edward?"

He didn't answer but rolled over onto his side, away from me.

"Edward?"

I jumped off the bed and walked around to look at him. "I am speaking to you. It is very rude to just ignore me."

I waited.

"Damn it, Edward!"

I finally grabbed his phone and began searching for the call log. He easily removed it from my hands.

"It's nothing," he mumbled.

"Like hell! Don't treat me like I'm stupid. You were laughing and acting….well…I will just say it… you were acting human, and then you get a call and you're back to brooding vampire mode."

He began rubbing his palms into his eyes. "Jesus, Bella. Do you think we can make it at least one day without having to deal with your drama?"

_What .The . Hell._

I was stunned. My mind began to race. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to pull him into my arms and beg him not to push me away… mostly I just wanted to slap him. I watched him rub his eyes a bit more and then retreated to my own room.

I fell onto my bed and began to cry. It wasn't a quiet whimpering, it was all out sobbing! I just told him I loved him and he shut me out so quickly. He didn't even try to keep me from leaving his room and worse still, he didn't follow me into mine. My sobs became frustrated grunts as I pounded my fists against the mattress.


	5. Chapter 5

_**You've Got to be Kidding Me**_

_**5**_

I fell asleep somewhere in my despair and woke hours later to total silence. The rain had stopped and the wind had quieted. I made my way to the bathroom and stared in the mirror. My eyes were swollen, my face stained with tears, and I looked completely miserable.

After looking around the house and not finding Edward, I made my way to the dock; just as I suspected the boat was missing.

I turned back to take a long look at the island. Aside from the sandy beaches along the shore it was mostly dense jungle. A mountain peak stuck up just west from the center of the island. If there was anything else on the land mass you would be able to see it from that high advantage. I decided to attempt a climb.

I changed into jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and a pair of tennis shoes. I hoped Alice bought ones that would not cause blisters. I made sure to grab some granola bars for energy and set out into the wet terrain.

I headed toward the single mountain but once I made my way into the thick forest I couldn't see which way to go. I tried to continue moving upward and hoped I would eventually make it above the jungle canopy.

It began to get dark a lot sooner under the covering and I was trying hard not to panic. Surely Edward would be able to find me if he returned and I was nowhere to be seen. But, I wasn't sure where Edward went. What he if returned to Forks to take care of a family matter? What if he was truly tired of my drama and left for good?

Everything was so perfect until that stupid phone call. He was regaining his humanity and even remembered things about his human life. He told me he loved me. Maybe he was caught up in the emotion of remembering his mother and transferred that onto me, than regretted the whole thing. I was so confused and so angry and so lost. Literally, I was lost!

"EDDWAAAARD," I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I found a log lying against a tree so I sat down resting against the trunk. I ate two granola bars and saved the rest for later; hoping later wouldn't come. Suddenly my biggest nightmare came true, it began to rain… hard. I was now soaked and dirty and scared, as well as lost. Something boiled up inside of me and I stood, refusing to just sit and wait to be rescued. As long as my legs could still move I would keep climbing.

I couldn't see very far in front of me due to the pelting rain but I noticed I began to move past large exposed rocks. This had to be the mountain. I climbed higher and higher but still couldn't see anything. The mountain was covered in low clouds or mist, obscuring my view.

I decided to make my way over a large outcropping of rock and hopefully hunker down on the other side, away from the rain. Just as my hand reached over the ledge my foot slipped. I frantically grabbed at the air hoping to make contact with something solid but all I could feel was the sensation of falling.

I remember hitting the ground, but I didn't feel anything. It felt like the air was knocked out of me, but I don't remember breathing back in. Green swirled all around me as rain began to puddle in my eyes.

Then everything was still.

I barely registered the forest moving again. I turned my head to the side and it looked as if I was driving past everything in a car; my body was still, but the jungle was flying by. The car was so cold and I wondered if I could get the driver to turn on the heater. My mouth wouldn't form the words, so I decided to just sleep until we arrive at our destination. Everything was still again.

The heater was on when I woke up. The forest floor was so soft now and I knew I needed to assess my injuries. I tried to move my legs but I couldn't feel anything. I tried to sit up and still nothing. All I could do was open my mouth to scream, so I screamed as loud and as long as I could.

Cold hands clamped over my mouth and my eyes shot open to see Edward in front of me. I looked around frantically and saw I was back at the bungalow, in my room, lying in my bed. Edward was stroking my cheek and whispering softly to me.

I tried to calm down but I was beginning to taste bile in my mouth. I wanted to tell him I was close to vomiting but I couldn't speak. I could see Edward holding my arm but I couldn't feel his cold hands touching my skin. I watched in horror as he injected me with a syringe, but before I could complain everything was still.

Time ceased to exist. I had brief moments where I could think rationally. I knew I was menstruating and wondered if I was lying in a pool of blood. I remembered the phone call that turned Edward into a totally different person. I remembered cold compresses being put on my burning forehead. I thought I remembered Carlisle talking to me but that must have been a dream.

Each clear thought quickly became fuzzy again and somewhere in the recesses of my brain I was beginning to register pain… horrible, tortuous, pain.

"Bella," a soft voice called to me.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

I tried to answer, but only a grunting sound came out of me.

"Is the pain better?"

Pain, I thought about that and only felt a dull ache in my back. "Mmm."

"Can you open your eyes and look at me, beautiful?"

It took several tries to open my eyes to the blinding bright light. "Shit, did I die again?"

I heard soft laughter beside me and I turned toward it. I finally found Edward's face. He was smiling at me and looked like a beautiful angel.

"Are you really here?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm really here, and I will never leave you again," he added emphatically.

"What happened?" I wasn't sure I wanted the answer but I couldn't fit anything together that seemed reasonable.

"I almost lost you," he said as he pulled my hand up to kiss my fingers.

"Hey," I remarked. "I can feel you kiss my hand."

His eyes closed for a moment and it looked like he was offering a silent prayer. But then I realized my legs felt huge, like they were two tree trunks attached to me. I looked down to see a blanket covering two large lumps.

"Are my legs paralyzed?' I asked in shock.

Edward stood and walked to the end of the bed. "Let's find out," he murmured.

In one swift motion he pulled the blanket completely from the bed. I looked down in horror to see both legs covered in casts up to my mid thighs. I was only wearing a pair of underwear and a t-shirt. I gasped loudly at the sight.

"Bella, look at me," he demanded.

I slowly made my way up to his face; he looked determined, not sad, as I had expected.

"Look only at my eyes," he said as he stared into mine.

"Ow," I screamed. A smile broke out across his face as he raised his hand to show me the needle he was holding.

"You couldn't just kiss my toes like you did my fingers, you ass."

"Don't be difficult Bella," he said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, I would hate for my drama to interfere with your enjoyment of sticking me with sharp objects."

His face immediately fell and his shoulders dropped. He shook his head back and forth while uttering, "I am so sorry."

"No, Edward. I am the one who is sorry. That was uncalled for and mean."

"I just need time Bella, time to get used to thinking about someone besides myself. When Carlisle changed me I was frozen with the personality I had at that time, and as you know I was spoiled and stubborn."

I smiled at his effort and then began thinking about time. "Speaking of time, what day is it?"

He let out a long sigh and I felt something was not right. It was an easy question but obviously the answer was not going to be so easy.

"Bella, you hurt your back and broke both of your legs. The storm was just hitting Brazil so they were not allowing flights to land. I had to keep you here until Carlisle could come. A very serious infection got into your bloodstream."

"What were you injecting me with?"

"Morphine, you were very lucky you didn't damage your spinal cord in the fall or in my attempt to bring you back here."

"How did you get morphine?"

Edward instantly stiffened and I knew I hit a sore subject. "I brought it with me when we came here."

"Why?"

"In case I hurt you, or…." His entire face pulled into such a pained expression.

"Or….." I encouraged.

"Or if I decided to change you," he mumbled just barely audible for my ears.

I stared at him in disbelief for a few moments and then my head fell back into a fit of laughter as I pulled my hands up to my throat.

"I don't know what you find so funny, Bella." His tone was absolute indignation.

"Oh, relax Edward!" I managed to get out before laughter hit me again. "You believed me! You believed me before we even came to this island."

I looked up to find him still looking at his feet.

"You're my destiny Edward and I am yours." I couldn't help the Cheshire grin on my face. Something suddenly dawned on me that wiped the smile right off.

"Um….Edward…..did you. I mean….I was on…"

He looked up to decipher my meaning. His brow creased in confusion.

"Please don't make me say it," I begged.

"Say what, I'm not following."

"How long have I been lying here?" I asked in frustration.

"Seventeen days."

I gasped and then began chocking and coughing. "What? Seventeen days? How can that be possible?"

He moved to my side and sat down next to me holding my hand.

"Bella, you were hurt very badly. Carlisle had to keep you sedated to set your legs and stitch up your back. The cut was very deep. Your fever spiked several times and had us very worried. I removed the I.V. only this morning."

"You did?"

"I have two medical degrees. I am more than qualified to act as your nurse."

"Did you take care of… my other needs too?" I couldn't look at him any longer and closed my eyes.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Ah," I groaned. "Couldn't have you just let me die from my injuries instead of dying from embarrassment?"

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you, Bella."

"Fine," I demanded. "Take your clothes off."

"What?" he said completely shocked.

"Take your clothes off right now, Edward. You have seen me naked, on more than one occasion I might add; it is only fair I get to see you naked."

It was his turn to fall into a fit of laughter.

"Okay, show me your medical degree and I will strip right now," he bargained.

I didn't open my eyes but still stuck out my tongue at him. When his laughter died down I decided to use his good mood to my advantage.

"Edward?" I spoke softly.

"Yes," he answered as he stroked my forehead.

"What was the phone call about that made you push me away?"

"I wasn't trying to push you away Bella. I was trying to work stuff out in my mind."

"You left," I said, with more than a little anger in my voice.

"I went to hunt before I attempted to tell you what was going on. I needed extra strength because I knew where our conversation would lead."

"I was crying my eyes out. You could have at least told me that much."

He leaned over and calmly kissed my lips. "I am not very good at this yet. My mother should have warned you I would require a lot of patience."

I reached up and pulled him back to my mouth. "She did," I said before kissing him lightly.

He remained hovered over me to explain. "The call was from Alice. She could suddenly see my future. I think when I declared my love for you it set some things in motion."

"What did she see?"

He hesitated as if trying to decide if he wanted to be forthright or censure. "She saw me change you."

I could tell the thought of making me a vampire caused him pain. My eyes widened in surprise, and I began to chew on my lip while I tried to process the information. Edward reached up with his thumb and ran it over my lip until I let go.

"And then you dropped off her radar again, didn't you?" I surmised.

He smiled softly and shook his head up and down. "That was what made me come back, to see what happened. I followed your scent into the forest and once I smelled your blood I kind of freaked."

"What did you do?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh, I just cleared a path," he teased. "We have a place to build another house if Carlisle decides we need one."

I thought about Alice being able to see when Edward and I were declaring our love and how it stopped when I thought he left me for good. 

"I think you should be expecting another call soon."

He sighed and leaned his head down to rest on my chest, his ear directly over my heart.

"Alice won't be calling," he said very softly.

I ran my hand through his hair. "Why?" I whispered back.

"My whole family is here."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Can Everyone Just GO AWAY**_

_**6**_

I felt like a Barbie doll as Alice, Rosalie and Esme fussed over my appearance. Their strength was what amazed me the most. Esme would hold me, laid out in her arms, while Rosalie washed my hair. Alice went through my entire wardrobe putting together "collections" for different times of the day and would then change me at the appropriate hour.

After a few days I was furious when Edward finally came into my room alone. "Look at me Edward!" I lifted my hands in the air. "My fingernails and toenails are painted. My brows are plucked. My whole body has been exfoliated, and for god's sake my underwear matches my bra. Would you _PLEASE_ help me?"

He turned back and locked the door before coming to my side.

"Like that will keep out the spa staff from hell!"

"You look beautiful," he smiled as he kissed me softly. "And, I better make sure you actually match," he teased as he pretended to look down my dress.

I slapped his hands away and crossed my arms over my chest. "Can't you put Jasper and Emmett in charge of me instead of project runway?"

"Nobody is in charge of you, Bella, if you don't like it tell them to stop."

"Right, like anyone can tell Alice no, and Rose scares me; she is just so intimidating. And Esme is so sweet that I can't deny her anything."

He laughed in agreement and finally understood my predicament.

"What if I tell them I am the only one allowed to touch any part of you from this moment on?"

I smiled slyly. "That sounds like a plan to me." I grabbed his t-shirt with my fist and pulled him down to me.

"I have something I want to tell you?" he whispered.

"Is it good news?"

He smiled widely and nodded his head. "I remembered the day my mother became sick. I remember going to her room and placing cold compresses on her forehead."

My eyes filled with tears. "Do you remember what she said when you wouldn't go to bed that night?"

"Yes, he whispered. "She was afraid I would get ill too. I told her I would rather get sick than miss the opportunity to care for her."

He climbed onto the bed next to me and snuggled into my neck. "Ahhhh," he moaned. "I love your smell."

"This is my midafternoon perfume. I'm sure Alice will come in a couple of hours to change it." I tried to lighten the mood.

He chuckled against my neck causing goose bumps to form down my body. "You don't need any perfume to smell desirable to me."

"Edward," I moaned. "Come closer."

He moved his body up against the side of mine.

"Closer," I breathed.

He placed his arm across my stomach and pulled me into him.

"Closer Edward, please."

I wasn't even sure what I was asking him to do. I just knew it wasn't enough. I felt like I was trying to hold onto water. It kept slipping through my hands and I couldn't hold enough. I needed him to fill me.

He moved and placed his elbows on either side of my head lying across half of my body with one leg between my casts. I ran my hands down his back and found the hem of his shirt. I put my hands under his shirt and lightly ran my fingertips up his spine.

He looked me in the eyes and smiled gently. "I love you," he mouthed.

"I love you more," I mouthed back.

He lowered his head and kissed me in earnest. A soft knock on the door interrupted our bliss.

"Does your family possibly own another island we could sneak off to?"

"It's Carlisle; he wants to check your condition."

"Just tell him it's hot and bothered."

"You know he can hear you, right?"

I instantly covered my mouth with my hand as Edward rose, laughing, to open the door.

Carlisle entered the room with an amused expression. He opened his medical bag and removed a blood pressure cuff.

"I'm not sure this is the best time to check this," he teased.

I could feel my face turn red and tried to change the subject. "When do my casts come off?"

Carlisle looked at Edward and then back at me. "Well, Bella, it will take a couple more weeks at the very least for the bones to fuse together. But if you both decide to go forward with your change the venom will heal you as it works its way through your body."

My eyes snapped to Edward. His expression was unreadable. He didn't look mad but he didn't look happy either.

"Oh," was all I was able to say as Carlisle continued examining me.

Once he finished he smiled at me and patted Edward on the back and left the room. Edward followed him to the door and locked it again. I rolled me eyes at his endeavor.

"They will hear the lock and know we don't want to be disturbed," he explained.

He returned to sit on the bed next to me.

"Bella, I think I need to explain to you what it means to be a vampire. You need to really understand before you make a decision."

"I want you to tell me for informational purposes only. My decision is based solely on being with you for eternity. You are my destiny, Edward."

He nodded his head and then took a deep breath.

"Transformation is the most painful thing you will ever experience. It will feel as if your flesh is on fire. That is why we lose our human memories. The pain blocks everything else."

I swallowed deeply.

"Carlisle thinks morphine will help but we don't know for sure. When you awaken the biggest issue will be trying to refrain from drinking human blood. We will all help you, of course, but eventually it will have to be your decision to live the way we do."

"Emmett did, for Rosalie after he was changed," I added for my own comfort.

"Yes, he did, but even Emmett has had a few slips."

"Will you still feel the same way about me after I'm changed?"

"Forever, Bella, nothing can change that." He returned to lying across my body and kissed me deeply.

For the second time a soft knock interrupted us.

"Okay, okay, I get it," I yelled. "I will refrain from touching your precious Edward!"

Edward was laughing loudly as he opened the door.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Esme apologized. She was carrying a dinner tray. "Your father wants her to keep up her strength."

I could feel myself blush as I tried to pull into a sitting position. Edward suddenly broke into a huge grin and excused himself.

I looked at Esme in confusion and she smiled, "Something he ordered just arrived." She placed the tray in front of me. "Carlisle said tomorrow you can have more variety. He just wants to take it easy on your stomach since you were fed intravenously for so long, but this is your last day on a bland diet."

"Can vampires be feed intravenously?" I tried to act casual but the thought of sinking my teeth into an animal wasn't too appealing.

Esme extended her arm, "Try to pinch me, Bella."

I tried to take a bit of her skin between my thumb and finger but it was too solid, hard, as if I was trying to pinch stone.

"Hunting is instinctual, just like a newborn baby knowing how to suckle. It isn't something we have to think about." She could tell what was bothering me.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"You eat while I talk, dear. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. If I had been offered a choice I would have said no." Her eyes looked so sad.

"But, I would have missed out on my most rewarding experiences. I never knew love like I have with Carlisle. I think of Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice as my children and they bring me so much joy. I would gladly give my life for any one of them and my heart aches when they are unhappy or hurting. Seeing Edward so happy has made me so happy." She hesitated a moment before she continued.

"I think you need to talk to Rosalie though. She honestly believes Carlisle never should have changed her, regardless of the fact she was dying. She will give you another perspective to consider."

I could only nod as I chewed my toast. It wasn't Rosalie's perspective that scared me, it was Rosalie. Her beauty was too much. It made me feel inferior to be in her presence and for some reason she was the only Cullen that made me really believe I could be ripped apart at any second.

Edward came back into the room at that point so Esme excused herself. Something dawned on me. "Am I being babysat?"

"Well, Love," he chided. "The last time I left you alone you decided to climb your personal Everest."

He sat carefully so he wouldn't disturb my bowl of soup. "This brings me to the next topic."

"I'm not going to like it, am I?"

"We need to hunt and someone has to stay with you. Do you have a preference?"

"Let me see… Alice the pixie from hell, Rosalie the intimidator, Jasper who thinks about nothing but my pulsing veins, Carlisle who wants to know about every bodily function I have or Esme who makes me feel guilty for the thoughts I have about her innocent son? I guess I'm gonna go with Emmett!"

"Emmett it is!" he declared, as he removed my tray and began lifting me from the bed. "I have a surprise for you."

He carried me to the living room, my huge legs awkwardly stiff in front of me. I kept trying to make sure my dress wasn't exposing my underwear to the three men sitting on the sofa.

"Ta da!" Alice announced.

A beautiful chaise lounge large enough for two was placed next to the sofa. Edward gently sat me down against the soft velvet pillows as Esme placed my tray over me. I became very self conscious as everyone stared.

"We thought you would want to be part of the festivities," Emmett joked.

"What festivities?"

"The joy that is the Cullen family," he continued as he rose and made a sweeping gesture at all the staring faces.

"You just don't like me touching Edward, admit it!" I offered.

"Actually, Edward doesn't like us near you while you're in a bed," he leaned in to whisper loudly.

Alice quickly took control of the conversation, "Isn't the chaise the most ideal color? It matches your skin tone perfectly and it will go with almost anything you wear. The diamond tuck upholstery is a bit tasteless but the pillow backing takes your eye away from that."

I was staring at Alice in absolute amazement. "Is she for real?" I finally asked.

Everyone laughed and Edward announced Emmett would be staying with me for the night.

"Score," Emmett yelled and then ducked when Rosalie tried to smack him.

As soon as everyone left, Emmitt threw a controller over to me and asked, "Halo or Grand Theft Auto?"

"Um….do you have Sims?"

His head snapped in my direction. "Don't make me kill you, Bella."

"Yeah… well…I've been there, done that."

His laughter was infectious and I couldn't help but smile at him. It gave me the courage to have the conversation with him I wanted to have.

"Emmett, are you glad you're a vampire?"

He shrugged involuntarily, "I guess so. I don't really think about it. It is what it is, ya know."

"If Rosalie would have asked your permission would you have said yes?"

"If Rosie asked me to eat my own arm I would say yes," he laughed.

He finally turned his full attention to me and took on a serious look. "I don't regret a moment of anything. I never imagined having someone I love as much as Rose. She stayed with me the entire time I was going through the change. As my body turned to stone my love for her became set in stone too. I don't think about it in terms of being a vampire or not. I think of it as having my Rosie or not. So, I guess you could say I'm glad I'm a vampire."

I couldn't help but smile. This big, strapping, mountain of a man was wrapped tightly around Rosalie's slender finger.

"Halo," I blurted out.

He jumped up pointing a finger at me, "You are officially my favorite sister!"


	7. Chapter 7

_**The Talk and THE Talk**_

I woke up the next morning in my bed. I don't remember falling asleep and I don't remember being moved but I was sure Edward had something to do with it. I could hear chatter coming from the other room as Esme walked through my door.

"Would you like some help again this morning?"

"Thank you, Esme."

I was getting used to her carrying me to the toilet and placing a stool under my legs so I wouldn't tip, then patiently waiting outside the door. Next, she would hold me horizontal while Rosalie washed my hair, then I would be given privacy again to take a sponge bath.

The part I dreaded the most was when Alice would appear to get me dressed.

"Let me see," Alice's musical voice mused as she looked me over. "You look like you are in a green mood today." She headed to the closet.

"What does that even mean, Alice?"

"Green means renewal, and health, so you look green today," she answered. "Plus the cute yellow bra and panty set will be stunning with it."

"Do any of you have x-ray vision?" I suddenly wondered if Elizabeth hadn't told me everything about their powers.

"No, Bella, but _you _will know what is under your clothes. It will give you a certain**joie de vivre**."

"I don't speak vampire," I said exhausted.

"It's French silly, it means living life to the fullest."

"I don't think yellow panties will counteract the fact I can't move my legs," I groaned.

Alice suddenly turned very sad. "I'm sorry Bella; this can't be fun for you. Here we are all thrilled to be together as a family and seeing Edward finally happy, and you are suffering. Our excitement must be torturous for you."

At the sight of tears welling up in my eyes Alice gasped and rushed to my side to embrace me in a tight hug. "Shhhhhh," she coaxed. "Don't cry it will ruin the whole look of your outfit."

I couldn't help but turn my sobs into laughter. Only Alice would see crying as a fashion faux pas.

Rosalie returned to my room at that moment and looked hesitantly at me and Alice.

"Edward will rip your tiny arms off if you keep making her cry," she said as a matter of fact to Alice. She walked closer and handed me a yogurt and spoon. "We're spending the day on the boat so dress her in something appropriate."

I just sighed.

I was finally carried to the chaise dressed in a swimsuit and some weird towel looking thing attached by Velcro. I found Edward there waiting for me. He smiled from ear to ear when I looked at him. "Good morning, beautiful."

I snuggled up close to him and whispered in his ear, "For the love of God if you have any feelings for me at all please change me now!"

"ALICE," he roared! I could hear light musical laughter but it sounded very far away.

"I'm sorry; my family can be a bit much."

"Ya think! I can't even escape your mother from a hundred years ago."

It was his turn to nestle into my ear and speak. "I remembered something else about my mother."

I smiled encouragingly as his eyes lit up.

"I remember my mother teaching me to dance."

"Yes," I giggled. "It was something every proper mother did for her son. She wants me to tell Esme how much she appreciates her for continuing to teach you as the times changed."

"When your legs are healed I want to dance with you." He ran a lone finger across my exposed skin above my cast. I shivered in response.

"You are going to be sadly disappointed," I informed him. "My mother never taught me to dance."

I probably shouldn't have said it that way. Renee would have loved for me to take an interest in dancing. I could have attended the many seedy clubs with her learning the latest line dances, where the dark lighting would have made us appear as sisters instead of mother and daughter.

"Good, it is something I can teach you."

"It's going to require a lot of patience on your part. I am not too coordinated."

"It is the least I can do since you show me so much patience. Besides, holding you in my arms is torture I would want for eternity."

"How do you always come up with such romantic things to say?" I pulled him in for a kiss.

He moaned as he descended on my mouth. I was immediately overcome by such love for this man. I fisted my hands into his hair trying to pull him closer to me. We were quickly getting out of control; pawing at each other and pulling on clothing when someone cleared their throat.

"Man, does an alarm go off or something when I touch you!" I complained as I tried to catch my breath.

We looked up to see Rosalie standing with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Are you guys coming?"

"I don't think I should go on the boat, Edward. Can I just sit in a hammock and draw or something?"

"Whatever you want," Edward said as he kissed my nose.

Rosalie stuck her finger in her mouth, as if to vomit, mocking us.

"Can Rosalie carry me?" My voice shook as I formed the words. Both Edward and Rosalie stared at me in disbelief. "I would like to talk to her alone," I added.

"Edward," she said. "Go ahead; I will bring a jet ski out to meet you. Go far enough away that you can't hear us talk."

He walked to the door and turned back to give Rosalie a warning glare. She waved her hand in the air to brush him off and sat down on the couch next to me.

I went to speak but she raised a finger motioning for me to wait. We listened for several minutes as the sound of the boat's engine got more and more faint.

Finally she turned to me, "What?"

She was sure blunt and got right to the point. I swallowed loudly and tried to sound unaffected.

"I wanted to talk to you about…. your feelings regarding…you know….what Carlisle did….about making you….you know?"

"Vampire, Bella. I've heard you use the word."

"Yeah, Vampire," I could feel my face turning red and I felt like an awkward child.

She didn't respond so I quickly lifted my head to look at her. I could tell she was deep in thought, choosing her words carefully.

"Bella, you might actually be the only one to understand what I am going to say." She eyed me suspiciously. "The others think I wanted to die because of what happened to me, but that is not entirely true."

For some reason I began to feel strangely connected to Rosalie. She saw a little of herself in me, I couldn't fathom what it could possibly be, but there was something that made her think I could understand.

"My entire life revolved around my looks. I was taught from a young age that it was not just my greatest asset but my only asset. I worried season after season if I was wearing the right clothing or the newest styles. Can you imagine being in constant fear that someone would see you not at your best? That even a tiny blemish would cause you to hide away for days?"

I was never a vain person and I felt sorry for Rosalie as she explained her life. I always thought pretty girls had it easy.

"When I was betrayed by my…." Her hands pulled into tight fists. "Well, I won't even speak his name. I was left for dead and a sense of relief came over me. I didn't have to worry about my looks ever again. It didn't matter if I was lying there dirty and bleeding. It was all going to be over."

She looked far away as she remembered that night. "Carlisle is just as guilty of being blinded by my looks as other men. He saw many women near death. He changed me because he didn't think someone so beautiful should die. He was sure Edward would want me."

She looked back at me when she mentioned Edward's name. I nodded letting her know Elizabeth told me this part of Edward's story.

"The torture of my existence continued on when I became a vampire. Not only was I still attracting attention because of my looks, but now I couldn't get the recognition for it that I craved. I can't ever be the homecoming queen, or the most popular girl, or America's Next Top Model." She chuckled at her own joke. "Styles continue to change and I continue to worry about how I look or what I wear. And the worst part was the man I was changed for rejected me."

I noticed how her eyes flashed with rage. Could she possibly still be mad at Edward for what happened so long ago… and what about Emmett?

"I didn't want Carlisle to save me. I wanted it to be over. Now I am stuck for eternity with my vanity and pride."

"Do you love Emmett?" I asked quietly.

She looked at me and smiled, "Yes, totally and completely."

"Aren't you glad you were changed to be with him?"

"I am sure you can see how wonderful Emmett is. He would have died from that bear attack, or if it was his destiny to be a vampire he would have found someone else to love."

"No, Rose, you're wrong." I suddenly became very animated. "You should see Emmett when he talks about you. He wouldn't even want to exist without you."

She just smiled, obviously not taking me seriously.

"Rosalie?" I was trying to screw in my courage to say what I wanted to say. "A lot of men are attracted to a woman for her beauty, but if her personality is such a turn off it isn't worth it."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm not worth Emmett's love?"

"No, I'm trying to say there is more to you than just your beauty and Emmett sees that. I am sure many people wouldn't understand my attraction to Edward because of his personality."

Rosalie looked taken aback for a moment and suddenly doubled over in laughter. I had never seen her do more than smile courteously before and seeing her laugh took my breath away. She was more than beautiful, she was stunning.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much joy you just brought to me?" She continued to laugh hardily.

I finally interrupted her amusement. "Why did you think I would be able to understand your feelings better than anyone else?"

"Because you chose to shoot yourself, so there must have been something that made you want everything to just end."

I nodded to her, "I didn't feel like I fit into this world. It felt like I was off somehow but I couldn't put my finger on it. I now believe I felt that way so I would be willing to accept Edward. Elizabeth said she waited a long time for me. I believe I am part of some bigger plan I guess. I also believe you and Emmett are too."

She came over to me and I thought she was going to lift me up but instead she pulled me into a tight hug. "See, I'm not so scary am I?"

"Sorry Rosalie, but you still scare the shit out of me!"

"As it should be," she said with a wink. "Are you ready to get some sun?"

"Yeah, it's sad that you can't tell where my skin ends and my casts begin. I am just one extremely white blob."

"You're preaching to the choir my dear."

She easily picked me up and carried me to the hammock closest to the beach. Edward had already brought out my drawing supplies and a fresh pad of paper.

I watched as her perfect figure headed out into the water on the Jet Ski. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that Edward didn't want her, but did want me. It didn't make any sense at all.

I just had enough time to open my drawing pad and choose which charcoal I wanted when I heard the Jet Ski coming closer to shore. I looked up to see Edward, his beautiful body sparkling and his muscles flexing as he navigated the machine toward me.

He pulled the piece of equipment effortlessly onto the sand and walked my way, smiling as he tried to move his wet hair out of his eyes. His swimming trunks were hugging his body tightly and I couldn't help but look him up and down as he approached.

"You're still alive," he teased.

"She's really not that scary, ya know."

"Liar," he laughed.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked seriously. I held up the sunscreen and leaned forward as I unhooked the Velcro.

He took it from my hand and squeezed a little into his palm. Then lifted my arm and began slowly working the lotion into my skin. His cold hand felt heavenly on my hot arm so I laid back and closed my eyes. 

"Mmmm…. you seemed to have lost your abhorrence for the feel of my skin."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" He continued making slow circles down my arm.

"The last time you did this for me it took you all of two seconds."

I heard him tisk in disgust and then he pulled me into a sitting position.

I was about to complain like a two year old, but I saw what was he was planning. He wrapped a towel around his waist and climbed onto the hammock behind me. The towel didn't keep me from getting somewhat damp, but it lessened the shock of his cold wet suit against my hot back.

I lay back against his chest and sighed softly.

"Let me try to do it right this time," he whispered in my ear.

My head fell back onto his shoulder as he gently rubbed lotion on my neck slowly making his way down my shoulders. I was so relaxed and lost in the mesmerizing patterns he was making on my body. He moved his hands to my stomach letting his fingers lightly dance on my sensitive skin. My heart began racing and my breathing became labored.

I felt his thumb move very hesitantly under my swimsuit top just about a quarter of an inch. It ran back and forth just under the rim of the suit. His mouth began lightly kissing my shoulder and I felt like I was going to explode.

I began mentally cursing my stupid casts that made it impossible for me to turn and lay on top of him. I wanted to feel him beneath me as his cold hands moved along my back.

At that moment his little finger began ghosting along the waist of my bikini bottoms. That was it; I was going to tear these casts off with my bare hands if I had to.

"Edward," I called out in frustration.

"Yessss," he drew out in my ear. 

"I need you."

"I'm right here, Love."

"No, I _need_ you." I could hardly talk; my words were coming out in breathy gasps.

He moved slightly to the side and pulled my lips to his. That only increased my frustration. I pulled viscously at his hair causing him to increase his pace as he kissed his way down my throat. I twisted my body as much as I could, as I tried to face him. He lifted me easily, as he pulled me over his leg, so he could now lie completely against my side.

He returned to my mouth as his right hand moved directly to my breast. I placed my hand over his encouraging him to continue when I heard a growl begin. I felt his chest rumble above me as it grew in intensity.

He suddenly jumped off the hammock away from me as if he had been burned. He leaned over putting his hands on his knees and began shaking his head to clear his mind.

I grabbed the edges of the hammock to keep from flipping over as it rocked dangerously. When I finally calmed down enough to speak I looked around for his family. "Isn't this where someone usually comes to save us from ourselves?" I laughed.

Edward turned his head toward me but remained bent over. His eyes were completely black and his lips were pulled back slightly over his teeth. I held perfectly still, desperately trying not to breathe. This was the first time I was actually afraid of Edward.

He shook his head a couple of more times and his eyes began to slowly return to their golden color. He finally stood erect and turned his back to me facing the ocean.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to comfort him. I needed to talk to Esme, but more importantly I didn't want him to know how terrified I was at that moment.

He finally began running his hands through his hair and blew out a long breath. Without turning around he asked, "Will you be alright here alone? It won't be long."

"Sure," I tried to sound casual. "I'll just draw for awhile."

He headed off down the shoreline moving so fast I couldn't see him for long.

My hands were shaking badly, either from fear or excitement, or maybe both. I knew this couldn't go on much longer. He was going to have to change me if we wanted to continue moving forward in a relationship. The only question left was if I felt ready. I wasn't sure.

I understood that my love for Edward would be set at this level if I changed now. I would spend eternity trying to satiate my desire for him. It would never wane or decrease. Just those very thoughts made me want to change immediately. I knew I needed to be more levelheaded than that.

After half an hour I heard someone walking up behind me. I tried to twist around to see who it was but I had no idea until I heard him speak. "Hello, Bella."

It was Jasper. He was not supposed to be alone with me and I felt a jolt of fear run through my body. He was the only Cullen who still struggled with drinking only animal blood.

"Don't be frightened Bella, Edward is right behind me."

"I'm sorry Jasper, please don't take it personally."

"I don't. I can't actually feel your fear, so I just assumed you had been warned."

"Is Edward okay?"

He chuckled, "As well as can be expected." He came around to face me and immediately backed up.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

"Well, it's your scent. It is rather strong right now."

"Jeeze, can lightning just strike me now!" I yelled into the air. I was humiliated to know Jasper was aware of how much my body wanted Edward.

He smiled knowingly, "Alice will be here soon and she can take you back into the house." His southern accent was soothing and made me instantly relax.

My head dropped, "Edward doesn't want to touch me?"

Again, he chuckled, "No, I think Edward wants to touch you too much."

I felt my face redden. "Edward!" I yelled out knowing he was somewhere close.

He appeared next to Jasper.

I looked at him with my eyes narrowed. "I want you to change me, now."

He shook his head back and forth.

"Why?" I demanded.

"I am barely holding onto my control, Bella. I couldn't bite you and stop; I would end up killing you."

"Just answer one thing; do you want me to change?"

He looked pained as he moved closer to me. "I want you to be my wife, my mate, not just _like_ me. I want to stop being afraid to touch you and I want to stop being afraid of losing you."

I smiled and reached out for his hand. "Then we need a plan."

I was back in my bed, safely tucked away from the Cullens so I wouldn't have to see their amused expressions or watch them teasing Edward as I drifted in and out of a fitful nap.

A soft knock on my door caused me to jump. I was relieved to see Esme walk in with a tray of food.

"I'm starving, thanks!"

"Dear, you need to ask for what you want. If we are neglecting you be sure and speak up."

"Can I talk to you Esme? Like, as a mother?"

She climbed carefully up onto my bed and leaned against the headboard. I didn't know how to start so I took a huge bite of my sandwich to stall. She finally reached over and rubbed my arm gently.

"Bella, are you having problems with Edward?"

"No," I managed to say after some thought.

"Not really, I just….well, you see….I've never had a boyfriend and I don't really know what to do."

She smiled and said something that almost made me choke on my food. "Would it help to know Edward is having this exact conversation with Carlisle?"

I looked into her eyes and saw such warmth and love it gave me courage to continue. "I feel so out of control when he touches me. I want more but I don't even know what _more_ is."

"That means you are in love." She squeezed my arm lovingly. "There is sex and there is love, both very powerful on their own, but together they are exciting and scary and overwhelming."

"Yes, that's the word….overwhelming. I feel so overwhelmed when I'm with Edward."

"First of all you need to know you can set limits. You only have to go as far as you are ready to go. Of course, you understand you and Edward cannot have intercourse until you are changed; it would be much too dangerous for a human to have sex with a vampire."

"Well, right now I feel like Edward can kill me with just one look."

She chuckled and shook her head in understanding. "Bella, vampires have heightened senses. We see everything clearer, we can feel every essence with our touch, and we can smell the slightest changes in a scent. When we hunt we let our senses take over. For Edward it is hard to separate the two animalistic desires. He is too inexperienced to distinguish the subtle differences. When he becomes overwhelmed by his senses it makes him feel like he needs to feed."

"So, I shouldn't let him touch me?"

"No, I'm not saying that. You need to go slow and help him focus on what he is doing so he can tell the difference."

"I don't understand."

"When he touches you ask him what he feels; ask him to describe in detail how your skin feels to him. When you touch him describe what you are feeling. Talk it out so he recognizes it is not his predatory nature surfacing but something even more primal, his needs as a man."

I nodded and admitted it sounded like a good idea. Maybe if I really tried to articulate the feelings I was having I would be able to understand them myself.

"He took care of me before you came here… when I was injured, and he had to do everything for me. I mean personal, intimate things."

"Yes, he had to separate your medical needs from his personal needs. That is what he has to do with his two desires now, separate them."

Esme leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Go slow, dear. There is no rush. Edward was raised to be a gentleman, first by Elizabeth and then by me."

I grinned and grabbed one of her hands. "Elizabeth loves you. She really wants you to know what a great mother you are."

Esme placed her palm over her heart and closed her eyes briefly. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Her face suddenly turned sad. "After our wonderful conversation I have to ruin it by telling you Alice wants to come get you ready for bed."

I groaned loudly and folded my arms across my chest in protest. "I want to finish eating first and I am going to take my time with my Cheetos."

"Are those even edible?' she asked while scrunching up her nose in disgust.

I quickly popped one into my mouth and moaned as I rolled my eyes back, "Heavenly, better than a fat man after a transfusion."

Esme laughed loudly as she poked me in the ribs with her finger. "You are a sick, sick girl Bella Swan!"

As if on cue Alice came skipping into the room. "Hurry and eat Bella, you still have to shower to remove that awful smelling lotion before I put you in one of my beautiful creations."

"They are called pajama's Alice, and even sweats can be worn as P.J.'s."

"Over my dead body!" she protested.

"Your body _is_ dead!"

She stamped her foot on the floor and folded her tiny arms over her chest. Her eyes narrowed and she pulled her lips back over her teeth and released the most menacing growl I had ever heard.

"Fine," I yelled trying to remain brave. "You can play Barbie with me, but as soon as Edward changes me I am so going to kick your ass!"

In an instant she erupted into giggles and began jumping up and down clapping her hands.

Rosalie came into the room at that point and I could tell she was trying so hard not to laugh. "What is this, the Ya Ya Sisterhood?" She came to the opposite side of the bed from Esme and sat down.

Alice jumped from halfway across the room and landed on the foot of my bed with her knees tucked under her.

"Hey, watch the plastered legs."

She just dismissed me with a wave of her hand and spoke to Rose. "Esme is teaching Bella how to sex up Edward."

I gasped in horror and looked at Esme for help. She laughed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Bella, but one of our heightened senses is hearing."

"Rose," Alice chimed in. "Teach her how to make Edward beg, you know, the way Emmett does."

"Maybe Jasper should just teach Edward how to change her moods so he can manipulate her into having sex with him."

"Hey, hey, hey." I jumped in to stop the conversation from escalating.

"First of all I don't need anyone's advice." I turned to Esme, "Except yours of course. And I don't believe either one of you; I have eyes, I can see how hot Emmett and Jasper are so I doubt any coercion goes on…..besides if Jasper was going to affect Alice's emotions he would calm her the hell down!"

The entire room filled with laughter and I really felt like family. I was going to love having Rose and Alice as sisters and Esme already felt more like a mother to me than my own mother ever did.

We began the tedious grooming routine, toilet, bath, brushed teeth, pajamas over matching underwear and finally new fingernail and toenail polish. We gossiped and chatted about movies, music, and our men.

They could all see the changes in Edward but nobody was aware of the changes in me. Everything I thought I was incapable of, relationships, emotional connections, truly feeling like part of a family, was coming easily to me. I knew with every fiber of my being _this_ was what I was meant for.

I wished this whole bonding experience was something I could do with my mother and father, but what could be more perfect for a family of vampires than a girl with no attachments in the world. If this was my normal, of course the rest of the world would be off the mark for me.

I wasn't broken…I was special, I was destined for this purpose and I would do everything in my power to help Elizabeth save Edward.


	8. Chapter 8

_**He Rocks my World**_

It was totally dark outside when Carlisle came walking into the bedroom with his medical bag. He walked to Esme first and kissed her lovingly, then kissed each girl on the cheek, including me. I can't ever remember feeling this loved.

"I have a surprise" he said to me as he pulled something from his bag.

I stared at what appeared to be a blow up raft of some sort.

"These are air casts. You can even get them wet so you can add floating in the water to your daily activities. Plus you will have much more mobility."

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I also noticed Rose roll her eyes at me and leave the room.

"Bella, you can not under any circumstances put any weight on your legs, do you understand?"

I shook my head in agreement.

"It won't be a problem Carlisle….I intend to carry her everywhere." Edward walked through the door and over to my side.

My heart went into overdrive and I noticed Carlisle and Esme look sideways at each other.

"Are you going to cut off the casts?" I tried to divert my attention away from Edward.

Carlisle and Edward both laughed at my question. Carlisle reached over to the top of my cast and effortlessly pulled off a huge chunk of the plaster. Edward quickly moved to my legs and pushed Carlisle's hand away in jest.

"Ah, those legs are mine, father."

My heart began running a marathon again.

I was stunned to see my legs once the casts were completely removed. They were so weak, white and thin. I was embarrassed to have Edward look at them. He could sense my discomfort and leaned over to gently kiss each leg. I cringed, not from pain but from being so exposed to him.

Alice demanded both men leave the room immediately. For once I was happy to have Alice around. It took a bit of coaxing to get Carlisle to leave my legs unattended. Edward assured me he would be right outside if I needed him.

Alice ran to my bathroom and returned with supplies to wax my legs. "This will make you feel much better," she assured me.

I have to admit she was right. It made me feel pretty despite the useless appendages lying in front of me.

Carlisle and Edward returned to place long cream colored stocking material over my freshly waxed legs. Then the air casts were tightly added. It felt so good to be able to bend my knees, even if it was only a little. I felt tons lighter and my spirit soared.

When everyone finally left Edward made his way onto the bed to lie next to me. He picked up a piece of the thin, dark blue material of my latest peignoir Alice forced upon me.

"Nice," he smiled.

"Why aren't you forced into silk boxers and robes?" I whined.

"I don't sleep."

"Edward, does this look like something that would be comfortable to sleep in?"

"I think my sister is dressing you for my benefit not yours," he teased as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"How was your talk with Carlisle?"

He suddenly became very uncomfortable, "Um….informative."

"I talked with Esme too," I confessed.

"Really?" he smiled.

"Yeah, she made me feel much better."

"Good, I do want to discuss something with you though." He laid his head against my shoulder. I instantly stiffened. It must not be good if he was more comfortable not looking at me.

"Go ahead," I spoke softly.

"You know I was changed in 1918 and I still have those old fashioned values. Emmett and Jasper seem better able to handle society's changes than I do."

"Esme and Elizabeth are both very proud of the gentleman you are."

"That was very important in my time. I can't say I feel too much like a gentleman as I lie here looking at you dressed this way."

I decided to try Esme's advice. "Edward, what do you see when you look at me like this, and be specific."

He smiled and snuggled closer to me. "I see my beautiful Bella, with skin like porcelain, thick chestnut hair that feels like silk on my fingers. I see the slight fabric move up and down as your chest rises and falls with each breath. I see your long legs that appear to go on forever and I want to run my hands up and down them."

_Damn that Esme_! How was this supposed to help? The only thing keeping me from throwing myself on top of him was the huge blow up plastic around each leg.

"Edward?" I could only manage a whisper. "Can you hear my heart racing?"

He leaned his head down and placed it on my chest. "Yes, love."

"It beats only for you. Only you can do this to me." I began playing with his hair.

He stayed still for several minutes. I leaned my head back against the bed frame and closed my eyes. This was heaven. This was love.

He finally turned to kiss the skin directly over my heart and came back up to my shoulder.

"This brings me to the point I wanted to make. Bella, I love you. I want to spend eternity upon this earth with you. But, I want to do it the right way. I want you to be my wife."

I lifted my head causing him to lift his off my shoulder and look at me.

"You know I want that too."

"Yes, but I want it right now. I want to marry you before I change you."

"Why?"

"Because I refuse to make love to you unless we are married, and I can't make love to you until you are changed. But once you are changed I won't be able to stop myself. It is all I can do to refrain now and the fact that I could kill you is the only thing holding me back."

"Are you comfortable that you will be able to change me?"

His head dropped and he spoke very softly, "No, no I am not."

"I have an idea about that. What if we used a syringe? Like you could fill it with venom and inject it into my veins. You wouldn't actually have to bite me that way. You have the medical expertise to do something like that and couldn't you just bite something to release your venom, like they do with rattlesnakes?"

Edward thought about it for awhile and I could tell he was contemplating something.

"I still hate the thought of putting you through so much pain," he complained.

"I kind of feel guilty for taking the easy way out last time, you know, with my dad's gun. I think I deserve a little pain."

He pulled my hand to his lips. "Don't say that Bella, you don't deserve any pain. And I am afraid it will be more than a little."

I felt a shudder run through my body and Edward sighed loudly.

"Edward, I'm not afraid. I want this. I want to be like you so I can be _with_ you. The thought of making love to you takes the fear away."

He turned to face me sitting on his knees, still holding my hand in his. "So, Bella Swan, if I promise to love you with every fiber of my being will you agree to be my wife?"

There was no way I could stop the tears from freely falling. I sat forward and pulled Edward to me. "I love you more than a million lifetimes and I would be proud to be your wife."

He held my face and tried to kiss away the tears but they refused to stop. He finally pulled back to look at me. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you. I will get one as soon as I go back to the mainland."

"No, I want the ring your mother wants me to have," I smiled.

He froze so I continued. "She gave Carlisle her wedding ring and made him promise to give it to you when you fell in love."

"You are my destiny," he whispered and crashed his lips upon mine.

Again, we were interrupted by one of his family members. I should have expected it when Alice came running into the room screaming. "A wedding, Bella, we are going to make this the best one _ever!_"

She froze and looked down at my legs. "Oh," she pouted. "We have to wait until you can walk. No bride should be carried down the aisle by a bridesmaid." 

I looked at Edward with absolute fear in my eyes. "Please take me to Vegas!"

He turned to Alice and it was the first time I saw Edward show any real anger towards his sister. "Alice, I would appreciate some time alone with my fiancé. **Get out!**"

She opened her mouth to speak and Edward hissed loudly at her. She immediately backed up and Japer flew into the room. He took Alice by the arm and pulled her gently towards the door as he glared a warning to Edward.

"I don't want you guys to fight. I should keep my mouth shut. Alice just wants to be helpful."

"It isn't about you Bella, I think my family is so used to me being by myself that they don't realize I would like the same courtesy I afford them."

He suddenly smiled pointing to his head reminding me he could hear their thoughts. "She's already sorry."

I couldn't imagine how difficult it was for Edward to hear them constantly, but I was so grateful he couldn't hear me. "Do you know what I am thinking?" I teased.

He groaned and put his face down to my neck kissing me along my collar bone. "I am hoping it is the same thing I am thinking."

Goose bumps jumped along my flesh as I tried to remain calm. Edward ran his fingers down my leg stopping at my knee and then gently pulling it up to his waist.

"I love being this close to you," I tried using Esme's suggestion again. "I can feel your hip bone against my inner thigh."

"I can feel the heat radiating off of you," he mumbled as he ran his hand around the back of my thigh lightly touching the soft skin of my inner leg. "And the smell, god the smell is so amazing."

"Edward, you can touch me if you want to," I manage to say with a pant.

I felt his fingers move very slowly and cautiously to lightly flutter over my underwear. He stopped immediately when I gasped. I expected him to move away from me but instead he rolled over between my legs, which could now bend to accommodate him.

His head was resting on my stomach as his arms lifted above him to trail lightly over my shoulders. I grabbed one of his hands and brought it to my lips to kiss it encouragingly. "I love your fingers Edward. They make me feel so good."

He slowly brought the other hand to my breast. I instinctually arched into his palm causing him to squeeze me softly. "You are so soft and so warm," he said as he continued to lie on my stomach.

"I put one of his fingers all the way into my mouth and let my warm saliva heat his cold flesh."

He turned his head on my stomach to watch me suck on his finger. His eyes were black but he didn't look out of control. He looked totally relaxed and contented and a slight smile formed on his lips.

"What are you feeling, Edward?" I asked as I put his finger back into my mouth.

"Your breast fills my hand and I can feel your nipple harden under my palm. It feels so good to know I do that to you. My finger feels wet, and hot in your mouth. And I feel the heat between your legs against my chest."

He expanded his chest to push against me and my eyes rolled back. My entire body was tingling and I felt like I was the one losing control. "Yes, Edward, right there." _Did those words just come out of my mouth?_

He began very small, almost imperceptible movements against me, rocking back and forth. "Tell me what you feel, Bella," his voice was shaky and low.

"Ahhh, so good… I want to wrap my legs around you but I can't," I complained as I gasped for air. I bit my lip to keep from saying aloud the words I was thinking…._For the love of everything holy don't stop._

He pulled up the thin fabric of my night gown, exposing my underwear and bare stomach, and began kissing my belly as he continued the friction against my core. The contrast of my hot skin and his cold kisses almost consumed me.

"Oh god Edward," I screamed as I plunged my hand into his hair pushing him closer into me. "I can't get enough. I need you so badly."

He continued inhaling and exhaling his chest against my most sensitive spot driving me crazy with desire.

"Let your body go Bella, let me do this for you. Let me feel you fall apart in my arms."

That was all it took and my body erupted into violent spasms. I felt like a bungee cord had been stretched inside of me and was released to spring back and forth until it finally stopped at its original position.

I realized as I had subconsciously screamed his name I had also been pulling on his hair and let my hand finally relax. My chest was rising and falling so quickly it was causing his hand, which was still on my breast, to tremble.

I suddenly became very self conscious. "Did your family hear that?"

He chuckled knowingly. "I think I had a little help there from my gifted brother."

"What do you mean?"

"I felt a surge of calm wash over me every time I thought I needed to pull away from you. I think it was their way of apologizing to you."

"Jasper and Alice I love you!" I screamed as we both broke into a fit of laughter.

"I think I need to take you for a swim," he announced as he pulled away from me and walked toward my bathroom.

"What….why?"

He returned with a large beach towel and threw it over me before lifting me from the bed.

"If I don't get this scent off of you I doubt you will live through the night," he teased.

He left the glass door wide open and hit the fan switch before heading to the beach.

"I don't have on my swimsuit," I complained trying to reach for something to hang onto to keep him from carrying me out the door.

"Trust me, Bella."

He sat me on the sand and deflated my casts before pulling them from my legs. He laid the stockings on top of the plastic to keep them clean. "I thought Carlisle said I had to keep those on."

"Only when I'm not here to carry you," he smiled.

In one rapid motion he removed his t-shirt and then looked at me with a devilish grin. Before I could even question him he had the peignoir ripped off of my body.

I screamed and instantly covered my chest with my arms. I was well aware of the irony. How could I be so intimate with him one moment and so self conscious the next? It wasn't like he hadn't seen my body numerous times, but somehow being cognizant made me much more inhibited.

He lifted me effortlessly and walked into the warm water. As soon as we were deep enough to cover me I brought my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder.

Another swift tug had my underwear off my body and balled up in his hand. He winked at me as he tucked them into his shorts pocket.

He turned his back to break the gentle waves from moving my legs too much. His chest looked iridescent in the moon light. I tightened my arms around him as much a humanly possible.

"I love you so much, Edward."

"You saved me," he whispered before peppering me with incredible kisses.

I woke up hoping the stupid casts would be gone, but unfortunately they were still in place. Esme walked in with a breakfast tray and a knowing grin. I felt my face turn red and tried to act casual but I suddenly noticed I was wearing Edwards t-shirt, so much for subtle.

"Good morning dear. I hear congratulations are in order."

I wasn't exactly sure if she was talking about the engagement or the fact that Edward rocked my world last night, "Um….thanks."

"Just remember this is _your _wedding and you are the one that says what is okay and what is not," she warned.

I felt my face blush again. "I think I owe Alice."

She winked at me as Rose and Alice both came in with arms full of magazines. "Finally, a Cullen bride who can actually wear white," Rosalie teased.

"Please don't embarrass me," I begged. "I know you know, and now you know I know you know, so let's just let it go."

"I don't know what you're talking about Bella," Alice chided me as she took hold of my chin and turned my face back and forth. "Rose, your soap must agree with Bella, she is literally glowing."

"Ha ha, let's all make fun of the virgin." I slapped her hand away.

"This is nothing compared to what they are putting poor Edward through," Esme informed me.

I cringed at the thought of having to see Emmett and Jasper. I wanted Carlisle to sedate me for another 17 days.

"Men are stupid no matter how old they are." Rose interjected. "He's been on this earth for a hundred and eight years and he forgets he has panties in his pocket."

I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. "Please, one of you, bite me now!"

"If I do will you give me your panties." I heard Emmett yell from the hallway. His laughter was quickly interrupted by a menacing growl and I heard the guys chase each other from the house. The entire family melted into laughter.

"Just ignore them," Esme encouraged. "They will eventually get tired of teasing you."

I somehow doubted vampires with perfect recall would get tired of anything.

Alice climbed onto my bed and started handing me magazines. "Edward promised not to listen to our conversations this morning. Jasper and Emmett are going to keep him entertained. So, what kind of dress do you want?"

"I don't know what it should look like but I want my wedding to be exactly like a wedding in 1918 would be."

"Okay, that gives me a place to start," she smiled. "What colors do you want? And what flowers? And do you want it to be on the beach or in the house? Oh, and do you want to invite anyone?"

I suddenly became very exhausted. "I really don't have any preferences, as long as Edward is standing next to me nothing else matters," I sighed.

Alice's hands began to shake and she spoke very slowly. "So, can I have free reign over the details as long as I make it vintage 1918?"

"I guess so."

Alice screamed and jumped off the bed. Her eyes were wide and she was talking so fast I couldn't understand a word.

Rosalie turned to me shaking her head, "And here I thought you were an intelligent girl."

"I figure I can either fight her and be miserable the entire time or let her go and have some peace. And it truly doesn't matter to me. I don't have anyone to invite and I assume it will just be your family right?"

They all looked at each other as if speaking silently and nobody really answered my question. Alice jumped towards me and began painting me a mental picture of what she had in mind.

"Bella, how about dark blue and cream for your colors, Edward loves that color on you, of course your dress will be pure white," she added with a smirk. "The wedding can be at dusk on the beach. You can walk, assuming you will be walking by then, down the path of palm trees each covered in twinkling lights."

_Edward likes me in dark blue?_

"Oh and beautiful blue lilies," she continued without allowing me to comment, "With satin ribbon between the trees, and a violinist instead of a pianist to play the wedding march. Can you picture it Bella? It is going to be so beautiful."

With that said, she ran from the room with her cell phone against her ear. I think it would be safe to say Alice would be the perfect wedding planner. She could work around the clock and not even the worst bridezilla could deter her…..Alice would just bite her!

I was tired watching Alice think and welcomed the calm, collected, Carlisle when he entered my room. His eyes found Esme first and he headed straight for her. It was so obvious how much he loved her and I really hoped Edward and I could be like them some day. Delicious inconvenience

He finally turned his attention to me. "Bella, I want to x-ray your legs before we leave to see how you are healing."

"Leave? Leave for where?" I asked.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Sex Ed**_

_**9**_

"I'm sorry Bella, Edward and I have some business we need to take care of before you two marry. There are some legal matters to attend to and Alice wants to go with us to work out some wedding details."

"What legal matters?" I could hear the panic in my own voice. I didn't want to hear about Edward leaving. Whatever it was surely Carlisle could handle it alone.

"We need a certified copy of your birth certificate and we need some documents made up for Edward. Of course, you know I have his mother's ring, along with some other items I need to give to him. These are just things that need to be dealt with before the wedding, that's all."

"So Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett will stay here with me?"

"Yes dear, also I am having another cottage built….since Edward was so kind to clear a spot." He tried very hard not to smile. "It will give you some privacy when you are married and also keep us close enough to help out with any issues that may arise."

"What issues?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that.

"Being a newborn is unpredictable. You will be very strong and we just want to make sure nothing happens."

I knew he was referring to me attacking any boaters who happen to wander too close to the island and it sent a chill down my spine.

Carlisle left then and returned with a machine on wheels. He placed what looked like black window panes under my legs and covered me with a lead apron. Nobody left the room when he took the x-rays and I had to remind myself they didn't have to worry about cancer or exposure.

When he left, Esme and Rose began my morning routine only this time Alice was too distracted to dress me. I persuaded Esme to let me wear shorts and a simple t-shirt. I felt like myself again.

Rose carried me to the chaise and Carlisle was waiting on the couch. "I have great news Bella!"

"Edward is staying?" I asked excitedly.

"Oh gag," Rosalie mumbled just loud enough for me to hear.

"No, dear, but you can begin using crutches this weekend. Your legs are healing very nicely and a lot faster than I predicted."

"Oh." I tried to act happy but what use were my legs if Edward wasn't here to walk with me.

I sat back and sighed. Carlisle and Esme joined hands and left the house. I'm sure they wanted some alone time before he went away. Rosalie came to sit down by me on the couch. She looked at me as if she wanted me to ask her something. I finally gave in.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you want some advice about how to deal with Edward?"

"What do you mean? Edward and I get along just fine."

"Every man is different Bella. Try to think of them as cars. Some men are sports cars and some are trucks. They idle at different speeds. Take Emmett, he's a race car; stripped down to the bare essentials concentrating on the engine only, he is built for speed and endurance. Jasper is a Mercedes; he's dependable with very little maintenance, looks great and can take a lot of abuse. Carlisle is a Bentley, classic, beyond most people's comprehension. You treasure a Bentley when you're lucky enough to have one."

"So, what is Edward?"

"Edward is a Volvo; he is nice looking, safe, and conservative. He doesn't like surprises and doesn't do well with change."

"So… I shouldn't ever surprise Edward?"

"I'm just saying take things slowly with Edward. He is a great machine, but don't drive him too hard."

"Are you making some sexual metaphor, cuz frankly I have no idea what you're talking about."

She chuckled and shook her head.

"Edward has already changed so much since you came into his life. I guess I am saying be appreciative of how far he has come and be patient with him as you lead him even further. Don't get so frustrated that you want to give up."

"Oh, okay. I can't imagine ever wanting to give up on Edward though."

Rosalie reached out and patted my hand. "Honey, there are days I want to rip Emmett apart and burn him myself."

I had to laugh along with her. I finally understood what she meant about seeing Edward for who he really was. I could see Emmett was fun loving but very irreverent. I am sure that would drive Rosalie crazy sometimes.

Jasper's calm even keel would be maddening if you were as animated as Alice and wanted him to react to something. Edward could be brooding and over cautious. I have already had times when I was so exasperated with him. I knew Rosalie was telling me marriage wouldn't change that.

"Thank you Rosalie, I really needed to hear what you had to say."

She just winked and turned her attention to the window. "Hold on, Alice is coming."

Alice burst into the room like a Tasmanian devil. "Guess what?" she said to both Rose and me. "The guys are giving us a concert tonight!"

Rosalie looked excited, actually giddy for her.

"Concert?' I asked.

"Yeah," Alice continued. "They do this every once in a while. They are really quite talented and never let us know what they are going to perform."

"Like a band or like karaoke?"

"Nothing like Karaoke," Alice protested. "They all play instruments. Emmett is best on the drums but he plays guitar every once in a while. Edward plays piano and guitar and Jasper plays piano, guitar and a few brass instruments."

"Jasper's forte is jazz or rockabilly," Rose interrupted. "Emmett loves rock… head pounding rock, and Edward usually sings some depressing song like 'Iris' or 'Hallelujah'. Carlisle always sings just one song for Esme, usually a gushy love song."

"Maybe Edward will sing something up beat tonight, you know, for Bella." Alice sounded hopeful.

"What did I just tell you about change?" Rose said directly to me. I laughed.

"Do you guys ever perform?" I was instantly worried. If this was a vampire version of the Partridge Family I was going to have to back out right now. I couldn't sing at all!

"We are the official mosh pit," Alice said while jumping up and down with her eyes closed demonstrating. "Somebody has to feed their egos," she added.

"Just wait Bella; you are going to love this. They are quite sexy when they play rock star!" Rose said with a smile.

Great, just what I needed; Edward looking sexier than he already does right in time for him to leave me here by myself. I tried not to let my concern show and spoil the mood for Alice and Rose.

I spent the remainder of the day going over wedding details with Alice. She was showing me different dresses on her lap top and having me sketch out details as she relayed them to me.

I was so relieved when Edward finally returned. I wanted to jump off the chaise and run to him, but had to settle for pushing all the magazines and drawings from around me so he could lie next to me.

"Bella," Alice complained. "Don't just throw everything down. This represents a lot of hard work."

She was busy picking up things from the floor as I pulled Edward close to me and attacked his mouth.

"I missed you," he said still pressed to my lips.

"This day was way too long," I confessed. "I hate being away from you and now Carlisle tells me you're leaving."

He glanced around the room and then picked me up to carry me to my bedroom. After locking the door he sat me on the bed.

"Bella, I hate to go but I just can't see any other way. I have some things that only I can take care of." He smiled knowingly and continued. "Plus I have a few surprises for the future Mrs. Cullen."

"Why can't I go with you?"

"You need to continue healing, and I hate to remind you, but you are kind of slow."

I knew he was only teasing me but the thought of him leaving was just so painful and I couldn't help the tears that began to fall. I couldn't believe how different I had become in such a short time. Maybe Elizabeth was trying to save me too. I didn't know love could be felt so deeply, to the point it was a painful pleasure.

"Oh my sweet Bella," he whispered as he kissed my neck. "Don't cry, love. We have forever to be together."

I hated feeling like the desperate, clingy, girlfriend. I tried to buck up and be supportive but every time I thought about not seeing him I fell into despair.

I finally wiped my eyes and decided to change the subject. "I hear we get a private concert tonight."

He instantly smiled. "Yeah, we indulge ourselves every once in a while. Why have musical talents if you never use them… right?"

"Boy, are you asking the wrong person!" I laughed. "I heard Carlisle is having another cottage built."

"Yeah, he is hoping to offer enough money to have it finished in time for the wedding."

"Exactly when is our wedding, Edward?"

"We are planning for about one month from now. It will give you time to be walking again and time for us to get everything in order."

"Is anyone coming here for the wedding?" I decided to talk to him about the suspicions I had that the girls weren't telling me something.

He hesitated adding to my suspicions. "Well, I'm not sure, we have some cousins in Alaska and Carlisle has some old friends in Italy. Honestly, I am not up on what Alice has planned so it might just be our family."

"_Our_ family," I liked the sound of that!

He smiled a huge grin and pulled me over on top of him as he laid back. I had to bend my knees keeping my air casts elevated but just feeling his body so close to mine took away all my worries.

I put my hands around his neck and used the leverage to pull myself up so our faces were even. The sensation of my body being dragged against his made him moan and his eyes darkened as I stared into them.

"Edward, do you like it when I rub against you?" My sultry voice even surprised me.

"I like everything your body does to me," he moaned.

I reached in between us and pulled up his shirt so I could see his beautiful chest. He did the same with mine, not removing it but simply pulling it up. My hot skin against his cold upper body made me shiver.

I put my hands on the bed next to his head and pushed myself back down his body moving as slowly as possible. I began gradually licking his skin on his perfect, smooth chest. When a low rumble started in his belly I asked him how it felt when my tongue touched his skin.

"It feels so warm and it gets me so excited," he answered, without opening his eyes.

"Can I kiss you lower Edward?" I asked pushing his boundaries.

He didn't answer so I added more, "I will stop when you tell me."

His head made a barely perceptual nod so I kissed my way to his belly button. His legs parted allowing me to move lower on the bed. I could feel him harden between by breasts and had to force myself to concentrate on his stomach and ignore what I was feeling.

Again, the rumble rose in his chest. I laid my head on his stomach and stayed perfectly still until it passed.

Having no idea what I was doing I pushed back onto my knees, which was awkward with the air casts, and breathed hot air over the front of his jeans. He instantly growled and grabbed my arms pulling me back up to his face. He flipped us so fast I didn't realize what was happening until he was now laying over me with his legs spread to both sides of mine.

"Oh God, Bella, don't move," he managed to say through clenched teeth.

"What are you feeling Edward? Tell me what you feel," I demanded.

"The heat, your breath, your scent, it's too much," he confessed.

"You don't want my blood Edward, you want my body." I tried to talk him back into reality as I softly ran my fingers through his hair. "It's okay to feel this way. I feel it too. Tell me what you want to do to me. Really think about it. What do you want?"

He moaned loudly and I continued to press him. "Tell me Edward, if we were married what would you do to me right now?"

"I would taste you," he confessed. "Not your blood, your..." I felt his face move further into my hair in embarrassment.

_Oookay… didn't see that coming._

"Would you want me to taste you too?"

He took a deep breath before he answered. "I wouldn't make you do that, Bella."

I was shocked. I didn't understand why he thought it would be something he would have to make me do. Didn't he realize I wanted him as much as he wanted me?

"Edward, honey, look at me." I gently pulled on his hair.

He pulled his head back and slowly raised his eyes to mine.

"I _want_ to taste you. I _want _everything you want. I _want _to feel you deep inside me," I could tell my face was turning red but I soldiered on. "I _want_ to give myself to you in every way and I hope you will do the same for me."

"I'm learning Bella, please be patient with me."

"We'll learn together," I assured him. Feeling much more confident I ran my hand down his side to his hip. "Can I touch you Edward?"

He slowly slid to one side so his leg was still across me but his torso was more exposed. I opened my hand wide to touch as much of his skin on his abdomen as I could. I could feel it turn warmer when I left my hand still for a moment. Slowly keeping my eyes on his, I lowered my hand to the zipper of his jeans. His eyes fluttered and finally shut as he let out a big sigh.

I didn't push him I just kept my hand still to let the warmth radiate down to him.

"You have no idea how that feels," he breathed.

"I think I do. Edward, touch my breast," I implored.

Without opening his eyes he moved one hand to my chest still over my clothing. It was my turn to sigh. We stayed that way for several moments then his hand moved to my skin and slowly slid under my bra. The cold of his hand made my nipple react instantly and I unconsciously moved my hips into him and squeezed with my hand.

He threw his head back and arched into my hand encouraging me to squeeze him again, this time I moved my hand up and down slightly adding friction to my movements, but continuing to remain outside of his pants. When his eyes opened I saw they were solid black.

"Edward," I said calmly. "Feel my hand, feel how warm it is as it moves up and down your body." I was trying desperately to keep him focused as I applied more pressure to my hand. "Does it feel good, Edward?"

"Bel…..Holy fu…." He quickly shut his mouth, pulling his lips into a tight line, intent on not speaking again.

He shut his eyes tightly but didn't stop me from my movements. I moved faster with more pressure and he rolled all the way onto his back and grabbed a fist full of the blanket in both hands. He was now moving his hips in rhythm with my hand and his breath was coming faster and faster. I knew he was close and I only hoped he would let me do this for him and not pull away.

I had to say something to keep him from over-thinking what was happening. I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "Soon, we will be married and I will be able to taste you."

My words had the desired effect. He pushed my hand away with a lot of force and pulled into a tight ball as his body convulsed and feral growls ripped from his lips. I wrapped my arms tightly around him kissing him lightly and telling him over and over again how much I loved him.

When his breathing finally slowed he turned to look at me. His eyes were golden again and he put his hands on my face pulling me to his lips. "Bella, I'm sorry I had to push you away, but I don't know if my venom is dangerous to you."

"It's okay Edward. You trusted me and let me do that for you and that means so much to me."

"I can't imagine trying to live without you. You brought so much happiness to my life." He began kissing my jaw and neck.

"I feel the same way, but knowing you're leaving is like having a hole ripped in my heart."

"I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise."

"Edward, can I tell you something?"

He looked at me very concerned. "You can tell me anything."

"I'm afraid."

He realized exactly what I was talking about and pulled me closer to him. "I hate the fact I will knowingly be causing you pain."

"I only remember things your mother told me when I need them. I can't remember if she told me anything about the change. When Carlisle changed you were you aware of anything around you. Could you hear anything?"

"Yes and no. At first the fire is too hot and you are aware of your screams…," he stopped to look at my face. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes, and be very specific please."

"I knew I was yelling out and I knew someone was there but I couldn't really connect anything. As time went on the fire receded and I was more conscious of my surroundings but it was very confusing. I could hear things like a tree branch swaying and a fly buzzing, even Carlisle pants swishing as he walked. It took time to process everything."

"So when I wake up I will be confused?"

"I'm not sure Bella; you are choosing to do this and will be better prepared than any of us were. I don't know what effect that will have. Love," he said looking into my eyes, "you don't have to do this. I will love you no matter what."

I felt my face turn red.

"What?" He said eyeing me apprehensively.

"I was thinking that what we just did was so much fun there is no way I'm living the rest of my life not having all of you."

His eyes dropped but not before I saw the guilt cross his face. "I shouldn't be so disrespectful. I'm sorry, but when I'm with you…."

"Don't," I pleaded with him. "Letting me show you how much I love you isn't disrespectful.

Edward grinned from ear to ear, "I think I better get cleaned up before my brothers get back or I'm afraid you _will _feel disrespected."

"Too bad I can't carry you into the surf naked," I teased.

He stopped moving and looked back at me. "Too bad you can't stand yet, or I would invite you into the shower."

He continued into my bathroom laughing the entire way as I tried not to swallow my tongue!


	10. Chapter 10

_**This Just Plain Sucks**_

We all gathered into the living room for the big show. The furniture had been pushed around to make a small stage area in front of us. Emmett sat behind a large drum set and Edward had the guitar while Japer stood behind the piano.

I sat on my chaise with Alice bouncing beside me. Rosalie was on the couch leaning on the arm rest while Carlisle and Esme snuggled together on the other end. My heart was pounding in anticipation, causing Rosalie to keep giving me reproving looks.

Suddenly Jasper counted to three and they began. I instantly recognized the song, "Great Balls of Fire." Jasper's hands moved expertly over the keys with such quickness it boggled my mind.

Jaspers voice was incredible and his face was more expressive than I had ever seen. They were all laughing and gyrating; such great showmen. Emmett even twirled his drum sticks as he beat down in rhythm to Jaspers pounding on the piano. Edward seemed oblivious to everyone in the room but Emmett and Jasper. The three fed off each other's energy.

Alice was screaming just like a groupie as Rosalie moved her body to the beat. Esme and Carlisle smiled on as the proud parents they were.

When the song ended Alice jumped over to Jasper landing in his arms and wrapped her entire body around him kissing him passionately. Edward caught my eye and winked at their display as he moved to the piano.

Next was Emmett's turn. He kicked the stool he was sitting on out of the way so he could stand behind the drums. I was so sad I couldn't stand too when I heard him start singing "We Will Rock You."

Alice and Rose were on their feet clapping to the beat yelling along with the melody. Emmett had a voice to match his body. No matter how loud Alice and Rose got his boomed over theirs, his head banging along with the drums.

Toward the end of his song I was beginning to get nervous. I had no idea what to expect from Edward and everyone was anxiously awaiting his performance. When he moved back to the guitar and stood out front it was completely silent. Esme nodded at him in encouragement. Alice sat back down next to me and her entire body was wound so tight I thought she would explode.

Edward counted backwards from three, keeping his eyes closed and his head down, and began. I didn't recognize the song but Alice shot up at least four feet into the air screaming, "Oh My God!"

She turned to Rose and her eyes were as round as saucers. Rosalie had her mouth opened in stunned silence. I looked back at Edward to see he was smiling from ear to ear. Emmett had his head thrown back in laughter and even Jasper was jubilant.

I still didn't recognize the song so I had to concentrate on the lyrics. His voice was amazing. He had the perfect rocker voice, a blend of smooth and husky. The high notes were not difficult for him to hit, and the low notes made my heart race.

When he reached the chorus I finally recognized the song, "I'm Alive." Esme had her hands over her mouth and her shoulders were heaving as she cried silent tears. Carlisle was holding her tightly as he smiled lovingly at Edward.

I'm alive  
>And I don't care much for words of doom<br>If its love you need  
>Well I got the room<br>It's a simple thing changed in me  
>When I found you<br>I'm alive

As the song progressed the boys picked up the tempo as well as the volume. Emmett beat the drums with such force I thought they would explode. Edward's hands moved off of the guitar when he got to the chorus and sang "I'm Alive." He threw his arms out to the side, dropping his head back and moved to the beat. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

Soon Rosalie and Alice were screaming out the lyrics with him.

It's a simple thing that came to me and I thank god  
>I'm alive<br>I can take all that life has got to give  
>If I've got someone to share it with<p>

I've got love and love is all I really need to live

I'm alive

I'm alive

When they belted out the last beat the entire family descended on Edward hugging and kissing him. I saw this was truly a family in every sense of the word. As Edward had suffered all these years, they suffered right along with him. They were so pleased he was finally happy and it made my heart swell until I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I sat gasping for air at the display in front of me. I never loved the Cullens as much as I did at that moment and I would gladly face any pain on earth to be with them.

When everything died down Carlisle took the guitar and the boys all came to sit with their mates. Edward sat next to me and pulled me close. I couldn't take my eyes off of him; he was smiling in a way I had never seen before.

Jasper sat next to Esme and pulled Alice onto his lap as Emmett sat on the floor in front of Rosalie. She put her long legs over his shoulders and he would tenderly kiss her knee every once in a while.

Carlisle's style was so different from the boys. He played acoustic guitar very softly and tenderly sang directly to Esme. As he serenely sang "Always and Forever," we knew it was meant only for Esme but it touched us all. I can't imagine the Cullen family existing without Carlisle at the helm.

When he finished he handed the guitar to Emmett. Esme went to him and they danced arm in arm as Emmett played slowly on the guitar. It was such a tender moment and we all watched because it made us feel safe. The world was fine as long as Carlisle and Esme were in love and together.

For the rest of the evening we sat around and shared family stories. I felt like I belonged right there with them. It was fun to hear about some of their experiences over the past decades. It stopped being fun when Emmett decided to include me into the stories.

"Edward, tell the one where you brought a human to our island and you walked in on her while she was naked!" His booming laughter filled the house.

My jaw dropped and I turned to Edward, "You told them!"

His eyes widened and he tried to say something but couldn't, so I decided to take it further and embarrass him.

"Did he tell you he hid from me for two days afterwards?"

Everyone began laughing and Alice screamed at Rosalie, "I told you! You owe me."

"You guys were making bets about us?" I asked incredulously.

Emmett pointed at Jasper, "He bet Edward would kill you."

'Well, that's a bet he's gonna win," I said with a smile as everyone cracked up again.

Around 2 a.m. I felt panic rising in my chest. I knew they were going to be leaving soon and I couldn't make myself remain calm. When Edward noticed my shaking he lifted me from the chaise and carried me down to the sandy shore.

We sat in the sand with his arms wrapped tightly around me. "I will never forget tonight," I finally said. "I love your voice."

"Thank you," he said as he kissed my head.

"Edward," I finally began sobbing.

He didn't try to comfort me with false promises. He simply held me as my heart slowly broke into pieces. When I heard footsteps coming up behind me I held onto him as tightly as I could.

"No, No, please NO!"

I felt Esme's cold hard hands pull me away from Edward and into a tight hug. I wasn't strong enough to push her away, so I settled for going limp and letting her hold me together.

Inside the house Jasper was playing "In the Arms of an Angel" on the piano adding a morose feeling to the scene unfolding outside. He was experiencing his own pain as his mate left too.

I couldn't watch as the boat pulled away, but I could hear the sound of the engine slowly growing quiet. Esme stroked my hair lovingly and let me cry my heart out.

I awoke up the next morning feeling totally distraught. I didn't want to get out of bed but Rosalie insisted. After my morning routine Esme brought in a tray of food that I didn't touch.

Finally, in an attempt to raise my spirit they broke out the crutches. I have to admit it did cheer me. It was my only means of escape from their constant eyes. I removed the plastic air casts and practiced enough to eventually venture out on my own. As I walked around the island I had to stop often and rest.

During one of my rest periods I heard loud talking coming towards me. I didn't recognize any of the voices and my heart started beating wildly. Breaking through the brush was a group of Brazilian men dressed in construction gear and carrying tools. I tried to move out of their way along the trail but my crutches were hard to maneuver.

Finally a young man stopped next to me. "You look like you can use some help."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I just started using these and I'm not too coordinated."

He took one of the crutches and held onto my elbow as I leaned my weight on him and hurried down the trail.

When we stepped into a large clearing I stopped and held my hand out for my crutch.

"Thank you," I said without looking at him.

"My name's Jacob," he offered as he handed me my crutch.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"Is it your house we're building?" He asked. It was only then I understood what he was doing on Isle Esme.

"Oh, yeah, I guess. I'm getting married soon."

"Married?" he laughed. "How old are you?"

I finally looked at his face. He was my age or younger and I didn't like him standing there judging me. He had no idea what my life was like and he didn't know the Cullens.

"I'm old enough to be married." I squared my shoulders in defiance.

"Relax, I didn't mean anything by it. Who's the lucky guy?"

"Edward Cullen." My heart ached just saying his name.

"My dad knows Carlisle Cullen. That is how we got this job."

"Yeah, Edward is his son."

"Son, isn't Carlisle really young?"

I should have kept my mouth shut. He was so comfortable to be around and had a smile that made you feel like you knew him forever. I let my guard down and now I was beating myself up over it.

"He's adopted. I really need to get back to the house, thanks for your help."

"Okay, Bella, It was nice meeting you. I'll see ya around."

"Have a good day, Jacob," I offered feeling badly for my rude behavior.

I returned to the house exhausted and trying not to bring my awful mood into the house. Esme was on the computer when I walked in. She instantly rose to prepare me some lunch. I put out my hand to stop her insisting since I was now mobile I could make my own food.

She agreed and told me Alice sent some things for me to look at regarding the wedding. I purposely took my time preparing my food. I was surprised that I would hear from Alice before Edward. He hadn't even called to tell me they arrived safely. I guess that was unnecessary since safely was the only possible way they could arrive.

I sat in front of the computer trying to distinguish between what appeared to be identical shades of blue. She also sent me pictures of 23 cakes. Why would I need a wedding cake when I would be the only one able to eat it? I finally turned off the computer without responding to Alice.

By evening I was sitting on a hammock surrounded by pictures I had drawn of Edward. I still hadn't heard a word from him and the rest of the Cullens seemed to feel the need to stay away from me too.

"Hi." A voice startled me. I jumped and had to grab the edges of the hammock to stay upright.

"Jeeze, Jacob, are you trying to break my legs all over again?"

"Is that what happened to you? You fell out of a hammock?" he laughed.

"No, it isn't," I answered in disgust. "I was climbing Mt. Everest and had a little fall."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Are you kidding me?"

"Yes, Jacob, I'm kidding. See that cliff over there?" I pointed to the peak sticking out above the jungle.

"Yeah," he said warily.

"Well, I've only seen the underside of it."

He shook his head as he laughed hardily. "See this scar," he said while lifting his shirt and pointing to his ribs, "I got in the middle of a cock fight."

I couldn't help but stare and his incredible six pack. The kid had more muscles than any man I had ever seen. "Isn't that illegal?" I questioned.

He broke into a huge smile and admitted, "I really tripped over my sister's stroller."

We both laughed at our attempts at bravado when we were actually just hopelessly clumsy.

"Did you draw these?" he asked as he picked up one of the pictures.

I could feel my face turn red. "Yeah, that's Edward."

He studied the pictures one by one but never commented on Edward directly. "You're very talented. You could make a lot of money drawing portraits at the open markets in Sao Paulo."

"This is just a hobby, nothing I would consider doing professionally."

"What do you want to do professionally?"

I suddenly realized my only ambition in life was to follow Edward around like a lost puppy. _Exactly when did I become_ _my mother?_ I was too embarrassed to admit that to Jake. I quickly changed the subject.

"Hey Jake, would you mind modeling for me sometime?"

"Sure," he smiled, "I'm just waiting for the boat now. Where do you want me to sit?"

I told him to lean against the palm tree and he quickly pulled off is t-shirt and flexed his arms in an Atlas pose.

I tried not to gawk and just laughed at him.

I was only half way through with my drawing when Rosalie walked up. I could feel my entire body turn red with humiliation and felt like I had been caught doing something wrong.

"Hi, um, Rose…..this is Jake." I covered my drawing and hoped she noticed all the pictures of Edward.

She gave Jake one of her "drop dead" stares and turned back to me. "You didn't let Alice know which cake you wanted."

Rose knew we couldn't have this conversation in front of another human so I let my eyes drop into my lap and mumbled, "I just wasn't sure any of them were right."

She crossed her arms and waited for me to raise my head and look at her. I could feel myself becoming smaller and smaller and I hated the fact that I was so intimidated by Rosalie.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Jake interrupted. "But we were kind of in the middle of something."

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Jake stood up to Rosalie and actually called her sweetheart. _I wonder how many people are going to miss him when she shreds him to pieces._

Rosalie snapped her head around to look at Jake. Her eyes were black and I could hear a soft growl beginning in her chest. He didn't shrink or back down as I would have. Instead he turned back to me and motioned for me to continue with the drawing.

I picked up a piece of charcoal and pulled the drawing pad back onto my lap. Rosalie took a step toward the hammock and I seriously expected to go flying into the ocean. Instead she picked up a piece of charcoal and softly closed her hand, and then leaning closer to me she opened her palm to show me the black powder resting there.

I didn't look at her face, because I didn't have to. She was issuing me a warning and I got it loud and clear. "Um Jake, maybe we can do this another time. I have wedding plans to attend to."

I began pulling my supplies together and Rosalie walked away in a huff. Jake came over to the hammock to help me and I felt like such a child.

"Bella, I know this is none of my business, but damn, why do you put up with that?"

"Honestly Jake, Edward is nothing like his sister. I am sorry; I think she got a little upset finding me here alone with a half naked man."

"Half naked?" he laughed as he put his shirt back on. "I would think on an island everyone would be half naked. Maybe she is just pissed cuz a house fell on her sister."

I couldn't help but laugh although I was trying hard not to. I heard a boat pull up to the dock and Jake began picking up his tools.

"I'll see you tomorrow Jake…. maybe." I noticed Jasper standing by the back door watching me. I made my way to the front door silently cursing Edward first for leaving me and then for not calling me.


	11. Chapter 11

_**If You Can't Be with the One You Love**_

_**11**_

The next few days a pattern emerged. I would wake up, get dressed, make breakfast, talk with Jake on his way into the jungle, work on wedding emails from Alice, talk with Jacob as he waited for the boat, make dinner, and wonder why Edward didn't call.

I tried to see if I could get information in emails from Alice about Edward, but she ignored my questions.

Finally one morning I woke up to find Esme standing by my bed with a cell phone in her hand. "Bella, Edward's on the phone."

I jumped up and rudely grabbed the phone out of her hand. "Edward?"

"Hello, Love."

"Edward, why haven't you called? I have been worried sick and Rosalie is being so mean to me and Alice is driving me crazy with decisions about the wedding and I feel like I am just in everybody's way and they are looking at me like I am doing something wrong when I am only being nice to one of the native boys working on our house. And you never called ….."

I realized I was babbling and beginning to talk in circles so I just shut my mouth. He chuckled lightly on the other end of the phone.

"I'm fine, ignore Rosalie, I will talk to Alice, nobody feels like you are in the way, but this boy I want to discuss."

"It's nothing Edward. His father is a friend of Carlisle's and he was hired to build our house. He's just a nice kid who likes to chat. Where are you?"

"We're back in Forks. I spent a few days in Chicago. We're getting the house packed up since we don't plan on coming back."

"Have you seen my dad?" I asked quietly.

"No, would you like me to go visit him?"

"No, he thinks I'm happy with my boyfriend, which is true, so let's just let it go."

"Any regrets, love?"

"Absolutely not!"

"I miss you," he whispered.

I felt a shiver run down my spine. "Come home, Edward," I begged.

"Soon, love, soon."

I tried to sound upbeat and not cause him any worry but I was failing miserably. As soon as we hung up I heard Emmett's phone ring. He walked outside to talk and I was sure he was talking to Edward.

I hobbled into the kitchen and stood staring out the window at the jungle. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie talking on the veranda. They were discussing having their vehicles stored in Alaska at some cousin's house. _Cousins… how do vampires have cousins?_

Emmett's next sentence had my full attention. "I wonder how Tanya will react when she hears Edward is getting married."

_Tanya?_ I had never heard that name before. As far as I knew I was Edwards's first and only girlfriend. I held perfectly still hoping they would continue the conversation, but Rosalie just wanted to discuss her car.

As I sat silently eating my breakfast Esme came to sit down and talk with me. I am sure it was at Edward's request. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"Esme, who is Tanya," I decided to get right to the point.

"I think she is someone Edward needs to tell you about." My heart dropped. Something had definitely gone on with Edward and this Tanya person.

"Isn't she a cousin?" I asked in shock.

"Yes, she lives in Alaska."

"How do vampires have cousins?"

"Well, they are another coven who lives off animal blood like we do. They live together as a family so we consider them our cousins."

"And Edward had something going on with Tanya?" My chest was tightening and I had to lean over to breathe.

"No, Bella, Edward never had anything going on with Tanya. She wanted there to be something, but Edward never felt any emotion for her other than that of family."

"But, she loved Edward?"

Esme laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, she wanted Edward quite badly."

I suddenly hated Tanya and doubted I would ever consider her family. I vowed to grill Edward quite extensively about Tanya during our next phone conversation.

"Are you in the mood to look at wedding details?" she asked to change the subject.

I burst into tears and she quickly came to my side and put her arms around me.

"Esme, I really don't care anything about the details as long as Edward is there. Alice can plan anything she likes."

"How about I handle Alice for you, dear?"

"Thank you," I blubbered.

Later in the day I began my period again. I was going to be so happy to turn into a vampire and stop having these hormonal breakdowns. I tried to spend as much time outside as possible after I noticed Jasper walk through the door, sniff, and walk out again.

Jake came from the jungle one afternoon as I sat drawing, "Hello again," he called out.

"Hi," I smiled a little too widely.

"Glad to see you're not cuffed and gagged in the house," he teased as he noticed Jasper staring in our direction.

"Jake be nice. They don't mean any harm."

"Are you allowed to ride those jet skis?" he asked motioning toward the dock.

"I guess so, I have no idea how to ride," I admitted.

"Come on," he said while pulling me from the hammock. He turned around and put his hands out, "Jump on."

I jumped onto his back and he ran with me to the dock. It wasn't as easy as it was for the Cullens to carry me but his muscles made it a pretty simple task.

He climbed onto one of the jets and scooted forward enough for me to squeeze in behind him. I screamed and ducked my head into his shoulder when he gunned the engine. He drove like a maniac and I had to keep telling him to slow down. His tight turns and circles got me entirely soaked causing my tank top to cling to my body. I didn't notice how revealing it was until we returned to the dock.

I was laughing like a drunken fool as he helped me gain my footing. His smile faded slightly as his eyes moved down my body. I blushed and tried to pull my shirt away from my chest. He glanced behind me toward the ocean and noticed his boat coming. Men began pouring out of the jungle as if on cue.

"Thanks, Jake, that was really fun."

"Let me at least get your crutches for you." He turned and ran back to the hammock. Before he could return Emmett arrived on the dock and lifted me effortlessly into his arms and carried me to the house.

Jasper was sitting on the porch out front. "Bella, can we ask you to please wear a life vest when you ride?"

I nodded my head and again felt like a child being scolded. Rosalie walked through the back door carrying my crutches and I instantly wondered if Jake still had both arms.

"You missed a call from Edward," she glared.

Something suddenly snapped inside me. "Does he actually expect me to sit in the house all day waiting for a call that may or may not come?" I wasn't done yet.

"Poor Jasper can't even come into the house because of my scent. I can't speak to a native boy because Rosalie wants to tear him to shreds. The rest of you basically ignore me. This whole thing is ridicules. I was supposed to come to the island with Edward and suddenly I'm here, but where's Edward?"

My voice was becoming hysterically high and I dropped into a chair defeated. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at all of you. I am just so frustrated and I miss Edward so much."

Esme moved to put her arm around my shoulder. "We know it is not easy. And we know we haven't been very good company for you, but do you think it is wise to make friends with a human boy? I mean, he lives so close and will want to see you. Since you decided to be changed, I just don't find it a good decision."

I shook my head in agreement. I decided to make more of an effort to be part of the family. I played video games with Emmett all evening, but I got tired of blowing things up or shooting people; I really wanted the Sims game.

It had now been two weeks since Edward's last call and I tried several times to get hold of him but his phone was turned off.

I was up early, sitting on the veranda hoping Edward would call, when a boat full of large equipment pulled onto the sand. Large excavators rolled off the ramps onto the beach and began moving slowly into the forest. I watched them one by one until I noticed Jake driving by.

He was wearing a huge smile and motioned for me to jump on. On an impulse I hurried, as fast as my crutches allowed, over to the huge orange cat. Jake jumped down and lifted me by the waist into the cab. I didn't look back since I was sure to see at least one of the Cullens watching me disapprovingly….probably Jasper.

I spent most of the day inside the cab with Jake. He was so easy to talk with and I felt comfortable with him. The Cullens always made me feel like I was inferior. It wasn't anything they did on purpose. It was more my perception of how perfect they were.

By mid afternoon Jake drove me back to the house. Instead of going inside I went to the hammock to draw. I didn't hear Rosalie approach but felt the phone she tossed quite hard onto my lap.

"I'm going with Emmett on the boat. Keep my phone in case Edward calls again, so you can talk to him."

She stormed off without waiting for me to respond. I didn't try to call Edward and I'm not quite sure why. I drew random images for about an hour when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it was Edward.

"Edward?"

A woman's voice was on the other end. "No, Edward is… well, he is busy at the moment. Who am I speaking with?"

"Bella," I mumbled.

"Oh Bella, my soon- to-be, dear cousin, I am Tanya."

My ears began to ring and my eyes clouded over. "Rosalie's not here," I blurted out.

"Great, that will give me a chance to chat with you. Congratulations."

"Um….thanks…..where's Edward?"

Her musical laughter filled the phone. "He is resting. He needs his energy if he wants to satisfy his newborn wife. I hope I've taught him enough to perform to your liking."

Resting? Vampires didn't need to rest, and was this what Edward had to take care of? Was he was receiving sex lessons from his 'cousin;" the woman who wanted him for her own? 

My eyes filled with tears and I couldn't talk. I shut the phone without saying goodbye and melted into sobs.

I felt an arm around my shoulders but it wasn't the cold, hard embrace I expected. It was warm and soft. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Jake, I'm so stupid. I thought he was different. I thought he loved me."

"I'm sure he does. Who couldn't love you Bella? Now, tell me what happened."

"He's with… another woman… right now," I managed between sobs.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, _she_ just called and told me."

Jacob looked toward the house and then leaned in to talk quietly in my ear. "Tomorrow I will bring a small boat and we will go somewhere away from here and talk this all out. I'm sure you will feel better if you sleep on it first."

I shook my head and thanked him before he headed for his ride back to the mainland.

That night I heard my door open but I remained very still and keep my eyes closed. I heard Esme tell Edward I was asleep and asked if he wanted her to wake me. Obviously he didn't.

I was up early and snuck out my bedroom door and made my way to the dock. Jake pulled up right behind the boat full of workers. I handed him my crutches and climbed into his boat. He headed for a small outcropping of land and we laid a blanket on the sand.

"Okay, tell me all about this joker and the hussy he's seeing." I couldn't help but laugh. Jake had a way of making me feel better just by listening.

"It's complicated Jake." That was an understatement.

"Okay, I'll just ask questions if it is easier that way. How long have you known Edward?"

"Not long," I admitted.

"And you're engaged already?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"I really love him, Jake. I just feel so stupid cuz he is my first boyfriend, my first kiss, ya know. I thought it was the same for him but I was wrong. I know he doesn't love this other woman…but"

"Bella, don't be stupid." Jake interrupted. "If he is with someone else while promising to marry you don't make excuses for him. And since he is your first love how do you know he is the right man for you?"

"Oh, of that I am sure." I couldn't tell him about Elizabeth, he would think I was crazy. But, heck, I'm marrying a vampire so I suppose I am crazy.

"Bella let me explain the male sex." He scooted closer and had such a serious look on his face I couldn't laugh at him. "We are visually driven, which means we look for what attracts us. Is this other girl pretty?"

I couldn't imagine where the conversation was going but this was not making me feel better. "Yes, she is very, very pretty."

I didn't know what Tanya actually looked like but all vampires were beautiful so I could imagine she was pretty.

"Now take Blondie for instance…"

"Her name is Rosalie."

"Okay, Rosalie. She is hot, smoking hot, really amazingly hot…"

"Yes, Jake, Rosalie is hot. Even I think that."

He laughed loudly and continued making his point. "Even though she is hot, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole."

I instantly imagined Rosalie impaling Jacob with that said pole. Not to mention what Emmett would do to him.

"She is too…I don't know….too something. It makes a guy lose interest. We want girls that want us back and ones we can be real with. If he wants to marry you then you are the one he loves. But, if he is messing around with this other girl you need to castrate the fool right now."

"I just don't know how to compete, Jake. It scares me."

"Then don't compete. Make him straighten up or hit the road. But," Jake winked, "If you decide to compete I could give you pointers!"

I pushed him hard and he fell onto his side laughing. We talked about relationships in general and I had to admit I was beginning to feel a little better. Jake carried me into the water so I could float and cool off. I was deep in thought about Edward and Tanya when I felt his arms come under me to take me back to shore.

I was thinking about competing and I figured if Edward could kiss other people so could I. I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck and pulled him to my lips. I kissed him as passionately as I could. He responded at first but then pulled away.

"Bella, as much as I want you to kiss me, I don't want it to be in retaliation for what Edward is doing." He was right. It had nothing to do with my feelings for Jacob. It was to spite Edward. I began to cry and Jake just held me rocking back and forth in the water until I stopped.

I returned to the house after lunch and notice Jasper standing under a shade tree staring at me. I used my crutches, but just a little since I really didn't care if my legs healed or not. I was afraid he would call me out on it but he simply stood there and stared.

After a long shower I went into the kitchen to fix dinner. I poured a can of spaghetti O's into a bowl and heated it in the microwave, then retreated back to my room. Only Esme was home and she didn't bother me.

I cried myself to sleep when the sun finally set.

I woke up the following morning and before I could even stretch the tears began again. I felt so guilty for what I did to Edward and ashamed of how I treated Jacob.

"What's wrong, love?" someone said behind me.

"Edward," I screamed as I pounced on him. My tears turned to ones of joy. He just rubbed my back and hummed softly to me. I was sure my face was a swollen mess. I had done nothing but cry since he left.

I excused myself after making him promise not to leave and went into the bathroom. I took longer than usual getting myself presentable and emerged just as Jacob opened the glass door.

"Hey, gorgeous, your lover boy is here," he said loudly with a big smile.

I froze and immediately turned my eyes to Edward. Jacob followed my gaze and his smile fell as he stared into the furious eyes of my fiancé.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Boy, Did It Hit the Fan**_

_**12**_

Edward looked back and forth between us, finally settling his eyes on Jacob.

"Oh… you," Jake said then turned back to me, "I guess you won't be coming out to the job site. I'll talk to you later." He slammed the sliding door shaking the glass.

I was expecting Edward to go after him but instead he walked over the wall and put one hand against it and the other hand to the bridge of his nose. "Bella?" he said very quietly.

"Yes," I answered.

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes," I answered, my voice shaking.

"Do you still want to marry me?"

"Yes."

He took a deep breath and then moved so quickly I didn't see his fist make contact with the wall. A large hole replaced the area where his hand had once been.

"Edward… please," I begged him.

"Please what, Bella?" His nostrils were flaring in rage as he spoke. "Please let you remain human? Please watch you leave me for another man? Please stop loving you? Which is it?"

"Please talk to me," I yelled in frustration. "Explain about Tanya. Explain why you left me. Explain why you ignored me when I asked you to come back."

His eyes flashed with anger and he dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling like he was trying to make sense of everything I just said.

"Bella….I….I'm at a loss here."

"Did you sleep with Tanya?"

"WHAT?" He roared.

"You have perfect hearing Edward. You heard what I said."

"Why would you think that?" He stared at me like I had grown another head. "I don't like what you're implying and I think you better stop right now."

"I am not _implying_ anything. I am asking you outright. And maybe I am wondering since, oh, I don't know, because you never called. Or maybe because your phone was always off. Or perhaps it was Tanya calling to tell me about it!" My own voice was matching his in volume.

Edward seldom used his vampire speed around me but he launched himself across the room and appeared right in my face. "Bella, did you have sex with that boy because you thought I had sex with Tanya?"

"I didn't have sex with Jake," I said emphatically. My mind instantly went to yesterday, when I pulled Jacob into a passionate kiss. I put my hands over my face to hide my shame. "But I did kiss him," I confessed as I slid to my knees.

The door opened and Jasper walked in. He ignored Edwards's low growl and came over to where I was kneeling. He put his fingers around both of my wrists and pulled my hands from my face, then lifted me to my feet.

I completely expected to be ripped apart or at the very least find myself airborne and crashing through the nearest window. Instead he pulled me into a tight hug and turned to Edward. "You apologize to Bella this instant!"

"No, I….." I tried to explain to Jasper that Edward didn't do anything wrong, it was my entire fault, but he placed a finger over my mouth.

"Edward," he spoke calmly, "you always do things your own way, without thinking about what is best for others. It was fine when it just involved the family, but now you have to put Bella first if you want this to work. You left her here alone with a house full of vampires; you might as well have delivered the human boy to her door gift wrapped."

Edward dropped his head as Jasper continued, "Turning off your phone was cruel."

Edward flinched but didn't say anything. "And not to tell her why is inexcusable. Tanya is another subject," he continued.

I had never seen Edward look so hurt and so guilty at the same time. He reached out for me and Jasper pushed me gently into Edwards waiting arms.

"Talk it out calmly," Jasper instructed as he left the room.

Edward's voice was barely above a whisper when he finally spoke. "Why, Bella? Why did you kiss him?"

I looked at him in defiance. "First you tell me about Tanya."

He shook his head. "Tanya is nothing to me. I don't know where you heard any differently."

"Esme told me she was in love with you and you tried to have feelings for her but you didn't."

"Bella, my family has been together as mates for a very long time. I was a burden to them in my loneliness. I tried to care for Tanya, for their sakes, but she has _never_ been more than a cousin to me."

"Did you ever kiss her?"

"Yes," he admitted sadly.

"Did you kiss her when you last saw her?"

"No, I did not."

"So, she wasn't…..teaching you ….things?"

He chuckled loudly. "No, she wasn't teaching me things. Do you know what a succubus is, Bella?"

"No."

"Tanya uses men for her own sexual gratification. It's a game to her and unfortunately it sounds like she added tormenting you to her list of games."

"She called on Rosalie's phone and I answered." I shuddered at the memory. "She told me she was teaching you ways to satisfy me as a newborn. I kissed Jake because she made me feel stupid and inexperienced." I lowered my head when I felt tears threatening.

Edward pulled back as he spoke, "I want you to think very hard about my next question. Why do you think you were drawn to Jake, why him?"

"That's simple Edward. He was here!"

"Emmett and Jasper were here, too."

"I guess I'm afraid of them," I admitted. "But not just because they are vampires, but because they are your brothers. They both have amazing wives and I just feel so inadequate."

"Bella," he started.

"Jake isn't threatening," I continued. "I know you think I was his friend because he was human, but that isn't it. He didn't discount my feelings or keep things from me like I am too stupid to understand."

Edward's head dropped again.

"Edward, you didn't even call when you arrived in Chicago. I only heard from you once and every time I tried to call you your phone was turned off."

"I couldn't call, Bella."

"Really, because Alice was able to email every other second," my voice began to get loud again.

He took a deep breath trying to gain the courage to tell me something. I knew it must be really bad. My imagination went straight to Tanya and I felt ice run through my veins as I braced myself for what he had to say.

"I couldn't call because I was doing some medical experiments with Carlisle."

"What?" Of all the scenario's I had imagined this was not one of them. "I don't even know what you mean."

"I wanted to see if venom could be given intravenously," he finally conceded.

I stared at him totally dumbfounded. "What did you have to do?"

"I had venom injected into me."

The memory of trying to pinch Esme sprung to my mind, "How, your skin is too hard?"

He shook his head and looked like he would rather do anything than have this conversation.

"Edward, how did you have venom injected into you?"

"Carlisle had to rip away some of my skin and go straight to the veins."

I began moving his long t-shirt sleeves around looking for wounds. My breathing was becoming erratic and I felt the urge to vomit.

"Bella, your eyes can't see the damage until you're changed. We heal very quickly so don't worry about it."

"What would venom do to your veins? I mean, you're already a vampire what information were you trying to get?"

"Well, we used Carlisle's venom. We added dye to see how soon it went to the heart."

"What do you mean… heart? How would it even spread if your heart isn't pumping it through your system?"

Edward dropped his head and didn't answer.

"Look at me," I demanded.

He raised his head and the emotional pain was evident in his eyes. His voice got very low, "We used a pacemaker to make my heart beat."

I stared in disbelief until I felt myself tug his shirt upwards. He reached up and pulled my hands away. I tried to fight him and make my way back to the hem of his shirt but he was too strong.

I wasn't even aware of what I was doing until I felt my hand stinging in pain. Edward had his hand to his cheek where I had slapped him but I knew it wasn't painful, at least physically, for him.

"You son-of-a-bitch," I screamed as loud as I could as I pushed away from him. "You opened up your chest for an experiment? You turned off your phone so I wouldn't know you were being a guinea pig in some Frankenstein procedure!"

"I don't want your change to be painful, Bella," he pleaded.

"Guess what Edward, it will be! And there is not a damn thing you can do about it." I was now pacing furiously and throwing my arms in the air.

Guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. "I mentioned something in passing and you took it to mean I wanted you to try and destroy yourself? And then you didn't even tell me! Come to think of it Edward you never told me you were leaving. You had Carlisle do it for you!"

He shut his eyes in distress.

"You want to know how to make things not painful, Edward? Don't leave me! Stay by my side and I can go through anything. Don't cut me out of the decisions. Don't do things behind my back."

He tried to wrap his arms around me but I pulled away.

"Your whole family went through the pain, why am I not strong enough? Why do you see me as so much weaker than the rest of you?"

Now his eyes blazed in anger, "I never said you were weaker. You're the strongest person I have ever met."

"Then what is it?"

"I just love you so much and I don't want you to suffer."

"Well, I _was _suffering and you could have cared less."

He looked stunned and his eyes darted back and forth trying to decipher my meaning.

"You left me here, Edward." Suddenly something dawned on me. "Why are you here?"

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

"No, I mean why did you come back now?"

"You were never around when I called, so I came to see what was going on."

"You could have gotten hold of one of the others to check on me."

"I did," he finally admitted. "They told me you were with the human."

"So you came back to make sure I wasn't screwing around on you?"

"Bella, don't be crass."

I chuckled cynically, "No, I would hate to be crass. Sick medical experiments are much better than being crass."

He was finally defeated, completely done! The guilt he had carried weighed too heavily on him so he sat silently with his chin dropped onto his chest.

I continued to pace for a few more minutes until my rage wore off. My weak legs were suddenly exhausted. I leaned against the wall and slid down to a sitting position.

"Edward, do you believe in us? Do you think we can do this?"

"I wish I didn't," his voice broke. "I wish I could say no, and you would go home and live a long, full life, but I can't. Because I love you more than I thought possible and I can't exist without you."

"I wish I could go home and have a happy life without you." My voice was flat and unemotional. Pain went hand in hand with being _that _girl. Elizabeth pointed me to my destiny but actually living it was almost too much.

His eyes shut tightly and he gasped like I had punched him in the heart.

"But I love you more than life itself. I don't want to spend a second away from you because it causes me physical pain. I would rather be here fighting with you than be apart. I want to be your wife with all my heart."

He moved off the bed and kneeled in front of me. He took my hands in his and rubbed them gently. Without a word he leaned in and kissed me so tenderly. We didn't feel the need to take the kiss any deeper. We didn't need to feel each others want; we just needed to make a connection, to physically touch.

After several moments he broke the kiss and moved over to sit with me against the wall.

I leaned my head against his broad shoulder and he lowered his to rest on top of mine.

We sat silently for several minutes until a soft knock sounded on the door.

"Come in," Edward said quietly.

Jasper walked in and came to kneel next to us, "Everything okay?"

Edward reached out and patted his shoulder. "Yeah, I think so."

I smiled in agreement.

"Marriage isn't easy, but one thing that helps is open communication," Jasper advised.

"How long did it take you and Alice to figure it all out?" I asked in hope.

He smiled a wide breathtaking smile and said in his slow southern drawl, "I'll let you know when we do, darlin."

Edward and I both began laughing. Jasper nodded at my hand and added, "Looks nice on you."

I looked down in confusion to see a diamond ring on my left hand. "Edward," I screamed. "When….how…..wha…" I dove onto his lap as he allowed himself to fall sideways with me on top of him.

Jasper left us to our disgusting display of love and lust. I kissed Edward passionately as his mouth kept breaking into a smile beneath my lips.

"How did you pull this off?" I finally asked.

"When you said you wanted to be my wife with all your heart, I took your hand in mine and slipped it onto your finger. I hope you like my surprise."

I arched my back so I could pull back enough to look at the ring. It had a huge heart shaped diamond in the center and was surrounded by smaller diamond chips. It was incredible. My movement also made me aware of something else.

"Edward?" I said in a whisper, desire igniting the fire within me.

He looked confused until I wiggled my pelvis against his.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it when I'm with you," he admitted.

The very next instant I found myself lying on my back on the floor with him on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him and giggled.

He moved his hands to the sides of my head, his eyes turning dark. "I can't wait until were married and we don't have to restrain ourselves."

I pushed my hips up into him and he hissed loudly. "Bella, be good," he warned.

"I hope I can be very good," I teased him.

He lowered his forehead to mine. "You have no idea what you do to me." This time it was his turn to push his hips into mine, causing me to moan and my eyes to close.

"Show me how much you missed me," I whimpered.

I was instantly upright as he carried me out the glass door and toward the beach. I lowered my mouth to his neck and licked a warm path to his ear. He didn't stop when we reached the sandy beach, but continued right into the water, heading east away from the house.

When we were out of sight of any prying eyes I felt my shirt rip up the back and fall down my shoulders. 

I clicked my tongue at him in fake protest. "Don't destroy my clothes; just ask me to remove them."

He smiled a devilish grin and I heard my shorts rip. Now I was dressed only in my bra and panties. I fervently believe Alice to be a genius by forcing me to wear matching underwear.

I moved his shirt over his head and stared at his chest. I couldn't image the damage my eyes were unable to see. I gently ran my fingers over his skin wondering what kind of pain he endured on my behalf. I couldn't understand how Carlisle could do something so horrendous to his son and the thought that Edward did it for me was more than I could handle.

"Hey," he whispered. "Don't fade on me. Stay with me here, Bella."

I tightened my legs around his waist and kissed him with every ounce of energy I had. We were shoulder deep in the water and Edward was immoveable in the surf as it lapped softly around us.

He moved his hands to my bottom and pulled me tighter against his form. We both let out a gasp of air. That familiar intangible feeling on needing more overtook me. I moved up and down his body feeling like his shorts and my panties were thick walls separating us. He kneaded my bottom roughly, groaning in my mouth with each pass I made over his length.

His steel grip moved me faster and harder against him until my chest felt like it would explode. It was painful how much I needed a release and my head fell back as I gasped toward the sky for air.

He growled loudly at the exact moment I screamed in ecstasy. We collapsed inward into each other's arms, holding on tightly through the involuntary spasms.

"Edward, the venom," I asked in struggled breaths.

"The water dilutes it," he assured me, "as well as your scent."

"Edward, do you ever want my blood?"

"No, I have been able to completely separate the two desires. I'm not tempted at all. Although other temptations make me just as dangerous to you," he laughed.

He handed me his t-shirt to put on and we headed back to the house.

"Can I take you on a date tonight?" he asked with a smile.

"A date… here?"

"No, we'll go to the mainland and go on a real official date."

"I would love to go on a date with you… fiancé," I added.

"Thank you…..fiancé," he laughed.


	13. Chapter 13

13

_**Dating a Vampire**_

I let Edward use the shower first since Esme had some furniture she wanted me to see for the new house. After I showered and dressed I found Edward and Emmett playing video games.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett said with a smile. "Jasper and I have a favor to ask of you." He lifted a pack of cards and grinned.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"We just want you to play a game with Edward." They both laughed.

"What's the joke?"

Jasper came closer, "Edward has an advantage over us, since he can read our thoughts, and we would like to see how he does with someone he can't cheat."

Edward just rolled his eyes until I reached out for the cards.

"Okay," I grinned. "Sweetheart, are you up for a real ass kicking?"

Emmett threw his large fists into the air. "You're the greatest, Bella."

We played gin, and hearts, and crazy 8, and one hand of poker until Edward's tantrums became too much. He was not a good loser and it felt so good to finally find something I could do better than him.

Esme broke up the games when one of her beautiful clay pots just missed the boat after Edward threw it in rage. I was hoping our date night wasn't going to be ruined but he calmed down as soon as the cards were put away.

"Damn," Jasper exclaimed. "I should have filmed that, Alice is never going to believe me."

I made my way into the bedroom to get ready making Edward promise not to come in. I actually wished Alice was here to dress me but Rosalie didn't seem too put out that I needed her opinions.

I put on a wraparound dress that hugged by body tightly and wished my legs were well enough for me to wear heels, but had to settle on sandals. Rosalie fixed my hair into long spiral curls and let me borrow her 'special occasion' perfume.

I came out of the bedroom nervous but it all fell away when I saw Edward. He looked like he walked out of a catalog. He had on tan linen pants with a black v-neck t-shirt fitting tightly to his body. I let my crutches fall and went straight into his arms.

"You look beautiful," he whispered into my ear.

"I was about to tell you the same thing!"

Esme insisted on taking pictures no matter how much I protested. Rosalie instructed me on how to stand a certain way and tilt my head into the light. I kept giving Edward the "get me out of here" look but he didn't seem to catch on.

Finally, Emmett leaned his head in between ours and whispered, "You two kids have fun but remember to use protection."

Edward pushed him in the chest backwards and took my hand pulling me toward the dock.

"Can I leave my crutches?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure, I'll carry you if you get tired, plus we have a car on the mainland."

I suddenly felt sad for the Cullens, and didn't resent them for their wealth. They had to miss out on so much; surely certain extravagances were not too much to ask.

I had to rethink my whole epiphany when the car turned out to be a limo and driver. We were driven to a beautiful old building that had been restored into a grand theater. Black and White classic movies were being shown and we were just in time to see, "From Here to Eternity." I had to eat the huge bucket of popcorn Edward insisted on all by myself.

After the movie we went to a dance club. I was not quite sure why Edward thought this was a good idea. There was no way I could dance for long on my weak legs. The place was packed and I was getting tossed into people just trying to walk through the crowd.

Finally, Edward put me in front of him and lifted me off the ground as he walked for both of us. We found an empty table and I sat as Edward made his way to the bar to get me something cold to drink.

I was there alone for about five minutes when I heard Jacob call out my name. I instantly tensed and wanted to crawl under the table. This was not going to be good!

"Hey Bella, what brought you to the mainland?"

I looked around quickly for Edward. Surely, he would hear anything I said. "I'm on a date with Edward," I said with a smile, trying not to show how nervous I was.

"Oh, yeah," Jake muttered. "These are my friends, Sam, Emily, Paul and Leah."

"Hi," I tried to sound enthusiastic and it helped when Leah put her arm around Jake's waist.

"Come dance with us," Jake said as he pulled me from my chair.

"No, no really I can't, my legs." I reminded him.

He kept pulling me toward the dance floor and then turned to take Leah's hand too. He held one of our hands in each of his and began moving to the beat. We didn't really try to do anything but sway together and I had to admit it was a little fun. When the song ended a slow one took its place my heart started beating wildly and I wasready to beg Jake not to pull me close when I felt two cold arms wrap around me.

I spun around to face Edward and smiled widely as he pulled me tight. "Can I finally have that dance we talked about?" he said into my ear and then kissed it.

I felt goose bumps down my entire side, "If you remember to be a gentleman," I teased.

"No promises." He put his lips to mine as we moved to the sensual music.

The song ended much too soon and another pulsing beat took its place. Edward took me back to the table where Sam and Emily were sitting. "Thank you for saving our seats," I offered with a smile.

Emily pushed a drink towards me. "I made sure nobody put anything into it. You can't be too careful these days."

"Thanks again." I lifted the drink which looked like a margarita. Edward took it from my hand and pretended to take a drink but actually just smelled the lime green concoction.

He handed it back to me assured nothing had been added. I shook my head and wondered how I ever made it past eighteen without his constant guard. Then it dawned I me that I hadn't. I had given up without Edward in my life. How did he do it? How did he live for so long without anyone to love?

I looked over at him in amazement and pulled myself onto his lap. "What," he asked when he saw me just staring.

"You are an amazing man, Edward. I love you more each moment I'm around you."

He winked and I could feel him rubbing my backside with his hand. If the dancing didn't make me sweaty his hand surely would. I grabbed my drink and took a huge gulp. I expected it not to have any alcohol and was stunned to feel the burn of Tequila.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I accused him.

"Would it be a first?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yes…dad… a cop….remember?"

"Well, you are of legal age in Brazil so you are not technically doing anything wrong."

I couldn't help blurting out my next thought, "So you're not drinking because you're still a minor?" I teased.

"I like to do my drinking in more remote areas." He wiggled his eyebrows at my shocked expression.

"And what is your favorite drink?"

He leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Jaguar, Puma… any big cat."

A shudder went through my body as I pictured Edward overpowering a large black or spotted Jaguar.

I leaned to whisper in his ear, "Is it wrong that the thought of you hunting turns me on?"

He laughed loudly and turned back to my ear, "About as wrong as it is for me to be turned on by watching you put your lips to that drink!"

I purposely picked up my drink and took a slow sip from the salted rim as I stared into Edward's eyes.

"So, when are you two getting married?" Jake interrupted.

I could feel a rumble in Edward's chest but I was sure nobody heard it over the music.

Since I didn't know an actual date I just kept it vague.

"Later in the month," I answered.

I noticed Leah and Emily staring at my ring so I ran my hand through my curls and then placed it under the table. I wasn't ashamed of the ring Edward gave me; I was beyond thrilled with it. I guess I was afraid the whole topic of where he got the ring would come up and I didn't want to make Edward lie about something so precious to him.

After a couple of more songs Edward asked if I was ready to leave. We said goodbye to Jacob and his friends and headed out into the warm night breeze. The car dropped us at the marina but I wasn't ready to head back to the island.

"Edward can we just sit and talk a while?"

"Sure," he replied, heading toward a bench. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap. We just sat for a minute staring into the ocean.

"Were you upset that we ran into Jake?"

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled before answering. "I knew he was there when we walked in."

"Why didn't you say something? We could have gone somewhere else."

"I wanted to run into him," he confessed.

"Why?"

"I want to be sure, at least in my mind that you understand what you will be giving up. If you want to stay human I understand."

He was staring at the ground and refusing to meet my gaze. I was refusing to acknowledge his comment. If Edward thought a nice boy who spent a couple of weeks with me could change my mind he was mistaken.

I never considered someone like Edward could ever be interested in someone like me, so I didn't entertain the thought until Elizabeth brought us together. Jake would never come between us. The change in me was so deep, and so certain, I wasn't about to let his insecurities make me doubt myself.

"Tell me what you see," I said while looking around the marina, to change the subject.

"Where?" He wasn't too sure what I was talking about.

"Around here, what do you see with your vampire vision?"

"For me it never gets dark." I opened my mouth to speak but he put his finger over my lips and continued. "Night makes everything more muted but not dark."

"Like looking through night vision goggles?"

He chuckled. "I've never looked through night vision goggles, so I can't say."

"Does everything look kind of green?" I asked.

"No, I can see colors they are just muted. Can you see that motorcycle at the end of the walk?"

I leaned forward narrowing my eyes to see. "No," I laughed. "I can't even see the end of the walk."

"There's a blue smudge on the fender of the bike," he gloated.

"What do I look like? I mean can you see every pore?"

"You look beautiful."

"Seriously, what do you see when you look at humans?

"It is easy for us to distinguish between skin tones and artificial colors. For instance," he pulled my face closer to him. "I can tell where your mascara starts on your eyelashes."

"Does it gross you out?"

"What? No! I think you're beautiful."

"Would you prefer I don't wear makeup?"

"No Bella, I want you to be exactly how you want to be. You have beautiful skin. I think the uniqueness of individuals is what makes them so appealing."

I sat thinking about what I wanted to know about vampires. If I was going to become one soon I should know what to expect. Besides their unbelievable beauty the Cullens seemed pretty normal. Since I didn't have to watch them hunt I had to keep reminding myself what they lived on.

"So how do you know when you need to hunt?"

He swallowed unconsciously. "When we smell an appetizing scent venom pools in our mouths, sometimes we can just swallow and rid ourselves of the urge. Other times there is a burning in the throat that can only be soothed by feeding. The longer we put off feeding the more noticeable the burn is. Newborns have to feed much more often than we do."

"Is that going to be hard for you…..having to take me hunting so much when you aren't thirsty?"

"No," he smiled at me and gave me his sexy stare. "When mates hunt much more goes on than just satisfying thirst."

"Oh really….and how do you know that? If you say Tanya's name I will hunt her down!"

He laughed loudly and lifted me to my feet. "Are you ready to go home?"

I nodded and took his hand. The ocean was totally black and even with the lights from the boat I couldn't see anything. I was grateful for Edward's night vision, so I snuggled up close to him and didn't worry about us speeding into the dark.

As we were walking down the dock up to the house I noticed Edward looking toward the beach. I had to really strain my eyes to make out the form of someone standing at the edge of the water.

"Who is it?" I asked him.

"Esme."

I stopped walking causing Edward to turn towards me. I just nodded my head toward the house letting him know I wanted to be alone with Esme, and then headed to the beach.

I knew she could hear me approach but she didn't move at all. I stopped at her side and hesitantly put my arm around her waist. She still didn't look at me but finally sighed softly.

"Is something wrong, Esme?"

"No dear, I am just feeling a little forlorn."

"Carlisle?"

"Mmm. Pitiful isn't it?"

"I'm sorry. It's my fault he is gone." I tried not to let my voice crack. I felt terribly guilty that I had Edward to myself all evening and Esme was alone because of me.

She laughed lightly and raised her hand to put it over my shoulder. "Honey, I wouldn't have it any other way. The work Carlisle is doing for Edward will insure his happiness. I can't begrudge him that."

"Did you know about the experiments?"

I could tell Esme was genuinely shocked. "He told you about that?"

"Jasper kind of made him."

She stood perfectly still for a few moments and then exhaled slowly. "I can't say I agree with what they did, but I understand Edward's desire to do it."

"Can you explain it to me because I think it was just nuts?"

"In many ways Edward is still seventeen." She began choosing her words carefully. "In other ways he is a century old man. He is caught up in the newness of love and wants you with him every second." She smiled at me. "As I am sure you want to be with him every second."

I blushed and nodded my head.

"The wisdom he acquired over the years pushes him to protect you at all costs. He would do anything to spare you pain and feels like his medical experience and years of existence should make it possible to change you without hurting you."

I began shaking my head in protest. "I just mentioned the possibility of using a syringe to spare him the difficulty of having to bite me. I didn't ask him to try to come up with a way to spare me pain." 

"You didn't have to. He loves you so much."

My body was beginning to shake and I was biting my lip trying to stop the question from coming out of my mouth, I lost the battle. "Was it painful for him, the experiments?"

"I think you should talk to Edward about that."

"I already know the answer." I admitted. "Vampires can't take pain meds or be put to sleep so he had to have been in pain." Tears began running down my cheeks at the thought of Edward having his chest opened up without anything to dull the hurt.

"How bad does it look?" I couldn't help asking, since her eyes would be able to see the damage.

"Carlisle is a very skilled surgeon. It isn't as bad as you imagine, I'm sure."

I was trying to get the nerve to ask her how Carlisle's skills as a surgeon helped since a scalpel wouldn't work on Edward and stitches would be impossible.

"Bella," a voice called softly behind me. I turned to see Edward standing in the sand with a slight smile on his face. "I would do it all over again."

I didn't want to fight with him after the wonderful date he just took me on so I wiped my face and turned to Esme with the best smile I could manage. "Will Carlisle be home soon?"

"Yes, he will. Go enjoy your time with Edward. I have decades of memories to keep me company tonight." She held out an arm to Edward and he stepped forward so she could hug us both, and then released me into his arms. As he led me to the house I looked back to see her standing absolutely still while she ached for Carlisle.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Holding Out not Putting Out**_

_**14**_

I woke up the next morning in Edward's arms. I was surprised he actually stayed the entire night. I am sure it couldn't be too interesting to watch me sleep for several hours. He didn't use the blanket to separate us since the night was so warm….I would have just kicked them off anyway.

"You stayed," I said in gratitude.

"There was nothing I would rather do than stay with you while you sleep," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"Chicken," I accused.

"Of what," he asked.

"I'm sure Alice could email plenty for you to do. You're just hiding out in here so I will protect you."

He laughed at the thought of me protecting him from tiny Alice and then became serious again. "Are the wedding plans what you want?"

"Well," I started sheepishly. "I kind of pushed them off onto Esme. I couldn't take all the decisions Alice wanted me to make and you weren't calling." I stopped again, not wanting to take the conversation there.

"I just want you to understand you have final approval over everything, and I mean everything."

"Is there something you think I would want to veto?"

He didn't answer and didn't move either.

"Okay, let's hear it. What has she done that you don't think I will like?" 

"The guest list," he said with a grimace.

I eyed him suspiciously and tried to imagine why there would even be a guest list. Obviously they wouldn't invite my parents and I didn't have any friends I was particularly close too. And relatives…..

"**There is no way in hell Tanya is coming to our wedding**!" I screamed.

"You tell em Bella!" Emmett yelled from the other room.

I stared at Edward dubiously. "Are you seriously okay with her coming?"

"Bella, I have known her for a long time. She's just Tanya; she always does stupid stuff like that. But she is family."

"No she's not!" I protested. "There are boring, uncoordinated people all over the earth and I don't claim to be related to them."

Edward was slowly shaking his head ready to make his next point when he realized what I had said. "Boring? How can you possibly say you are boring?"

I was about to explain when it dawned on me that he hadn't contradicted the uncoordinated point. I began shaking with laughter.

"Finally Edward," I yelled throwing my arms into the air. "You admit I'm not perfect. I can finally relax because Edward Cullen sees one of my faults and still loves me."

He was flabbergasted and couldn't fathom what I was talking about. I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom while he began mentally going over our conversation. Before I made it to the door he understood.

"It's not a fault Bella, it is an endearing quality."

I stopped in the doorway to look back at him as he continued, "And I never said you were perfect either, you cuss like a sailor."

I lifted my hand to extend the middle finger and continued into the bathroom. I heard his laughter as I locked the door.

After getting dressed for the day I made my way into the kitchen where Edward had breakfast waiting for me. Rosalie and Emmett were looking at cars on the internet and Jasper was reading some really thick book. Esme was on the porch talking on her cell phone. I really hoped she was talking to Carlisle.

"Jathper," I called with a mouth full of cereal. "Do you mith Alith?"

He closed the book and looked at me with his serene face, "No, not at all."

My mouth fell open and milk ran down my chin and as if on cue they all broke out into laughter. I would have expected teasing from Emmett, but never from Jasper.

After swallowing my food I said, "You can all just kiss my a….butt." I looked at Edward and he nodded approvingly. "Okay, you got me. That was a good one, Jasper."

Edward waited patiently for me to finish eating and then asked me if I wanted to go see the house, he had promised Carlisle he would check up on the workmanship.

"Are you trying to put me in the path of Jacob again?"

"No, I really just want to see what progress has been made," he promised.

"I can't walk that far, are you going to carry me?"

He grinned widely, "Of course."

"At vampire speed," I teased

"Of course not, that would get us there, and you out of my arms, much too quickly. Plus, you never know who is watching."

As soon as I finished the dishes I held my arms out for Edward. He picked me up and I laid my head against his chest, while wrapping my arms around his neck. I kept my eyes closed enjoying the feeling of Edward holding me tightly. When he finally stopped walking I opened my eyes.

"Wow, I mean WOW," I gasped.

There were actually walls and men were on the roof laying clay tiles. We walked in the front door, or where a front door would eventually hang, to see men hanging dry wall. It really looked like a house. Edward was looking at things much more carefully than I was.

When we entered the kitchen area he said loudly, "We will use the kitchen at the main house until the cabinets can be made."

I knew we wouldn't have need for a kitchen and I was the only one who ever used the one if the main house. It was his way of telling me the wedding would not be held up for something as useless as a kitchen.

It was much smaller than the main house and only one bedroom, but the bathroom was spectacular. I had never seen a bathtub so huge and the shower was the length of the entire wall with more shower heads than anyone could imagine needing.

"This is so beautiful, Edward. How long will we be here?"

"For at least a year, but we can stay as long as you want," he leaned over to kiss my cheek just as Jake walked in.

"You two headed out early last night, guess you're not night owls." Jake said as he offered his hand to Edward. Luckily, I had been holding Edward's hand so it was not as cold as it normally would have been.

"No, if I don't get my eight hours I'm a tyrant." Edward said as I pretended to look at the tile so I wouldn't laugh.

"Guess your sister isn't getting her eight hours," Jake said as he winked at me. 

Edward looked at me and I had to explain. "Jake met Rosalie when she was being, Rosalie."

"Oh," he laughed. "Wait until you meet Alice. _You_ better get your eight hours."

Edward pulled Jake aside and wanted to know about some drywall that wasn't quite plumb. I wandered through the house imagining what it would be like to live here with Edward, alone.

I wondered if I would be changed here or at the main house. I felt a chill go down my spine and had to remind myself that it was my destiny.

_He must bite you. _The thought came to me as clear as if someone was speaking in my ear. I shook my head a few times and decided I really needed to get more sleep.

After Edward got all of his questions answered we headed back into the forest and he picked me up again.

"You seemed to warm up to Jake pretty quickly," I noticed.

"I have to admit he's a good kid. He reminds me of Emmett. His thoughts are pretty much what he says. He thinks you are too young to marry but other than that he respects your decision."

"So, is it okay if I consider Jake a friend? And can I invite him to the wedding?"

Edward pretended to be put out and finally relented.

"So what have you decided about the guest list?" he asked awkwardly.

"You mean can Tanya come?" I groaned.

"Yes, that is what I mean."

"Do I have to be nice to her?" I whined.

"Hum…let me see," he mused. "You want to be mean to a jealous vampire succubus."

"Jealous?" My own green monster emerged. "If she is jealous you are getting married than no, she can't come. Instead of doing those stupid medical experiments you should have been trying to find a way to get the words, 'Property of Bella' tattooed across your chest!"

He was laughing so hard he actually stumbled as he was walking. "I think you are going to be a handful as a newborn. We may need to stay on this island for a few years."

"Oh, I'm keeping a list believe me!"

He raised his eyebrows, "What list?"

"Alice, for all the clothes she made me put on, Rosalie, for all the mean stares she gave me, Emmett, for making me play Grand Theft Auto and even Jasper for teasing me."

"So, I'm not on the list?"

"You are on a very different list, my dear. You are on the 'see what this body can do' list."

He stopped walking and put me down. "I think I like your lists." He pulled my face up to his and kissed me passionately. I put my arms around his waist and began running my hands down the back of his shorts. He followed the same path on me with his own hands pulling me closer to him as he went.

Just when I was beginning to get short of breath he lifted me into his arms and began walking again.

"Hey, we were just getting warmed up," I complained.

"I decided no more warm ups," he said completely serious. "I can hold off a couple more weeks and I think it is important not to push our boundaries."

"Wait, wait, wait," I said as I began wiggling in his arms. "What is all this about?"

"Bella, you know I'm attracted to you physically but I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I want to know you better, and I don't want you to think I will be pawing you every time we're alone."

He reached up to smooth the frown lines off of my forehead. "This is important to me Bella. I have been disrespectful and I am going to end that right now."

"So, I don't get any say in the matter?"

He just continued walking.

"Did I disappoint you in some way?" I said quietly.

That stopped his walking!

"No, I have already gone way past what I feel is appropriate because you are so amazing. I want to draw the line now, so we don't end up doing something we regret. It's only a couple of weeks."

I eyed him suspiciously and suddenly his eyes darted down the trail. "I don't think it will be an issue since I doubt I will get more than five minutes alone with you from this point forward."

"Why," I asked, well…more like whined.

"Guess who is home?" he grinned.

"Not the pixie from he…..I mean Hades?"

"I'm impressed with the sudden control of your tongue. You may not need your mouth washed out after all."

"I'm saving my tongue for other things," I said coyly.

"Ah, you're killing me here!"

We broke through the dense brush of the forest just in time to see Jasper and Alice in a passionate kiss. He was holding her about three feet off the ground and her tiny legs were pumping up and down in excitement.

"Didn't miss her, my ass…..tronaut," I whispered to Edward.

"Nice save," he chuckled.

"Maybe if we hold perfectly still she won't notice us," I whispered softer.

Without turning her head she yelled, "Too late Bella, and I have tons of work for you."

Edward and Jasper laughed while I groaned.

Edward carried me into the house so we could greet Carlisle. I was happy he was home for Esme's sake but I was still angry at him for experimenting on Edward. I had a feeling things were going to come to a head between the two of us.

Alice loaded me up with details to go over and then took off with Jasper. Carlisle and Esme were preparing to leave on the boat to spend some time alone on the mainland. I was slowly making my way through Alice's wedding book when Rosalie came over and sat down.

"Need some help," she asked earnestly.

"Sure," I handed her the book. "What was your wedding like?"

"Which one," she mused as she turned the pages.

I stared at her without comprehending. Had Rosalie been married multiple times? She finally looked up to explain.

"Emmett and I get married after finishing high school all the time. It helps us stay in the same area for longer periods."

"You actually plan a wedding multiple times," I asked in amazement. "Why would anyone want that kind of torture?"

She shrugged, "It gets fun; styles change, music changes, you get every wedding you dream of."

"Well, I only dream of one wedding and I want it as quick and easy as possible."

She looked at me for a second and then her mouth slowly formed into a smile. "Wanna bet?"

I met her stare for a few seconds and finally folded. "No, I trust you. You would know better than I would."

She went back to turning the pages of Alice's book.

"Rose, if you could change anything in your life, what would it be?"

"That's easy; I would want to have a baby."

I sat quietly thinking about her response. Vampires couldn't have children and it wouldn't be possible to adopt a child. It would be torture to change a child since they would never age but grow in wisdom and experiences. I'm sure the Cullens would never consider changing a child.

I didn't consider the possibility of never having children. I never babysat and being an only child I was never around babies. I guess it wasn't something I was going to miss as much as Rosalie.

My attention turned to Carlisle when I noticed him staring at Edward. I saw Edward nod ever so slightly as if he was answering an unspoken question. I watched for a couple of moments and felt my anger building.

"What," I demanded looking back and forth from Carlisle to Edward.

"Bella, we'll talk about it later."

"No, I think we're going to talk about it right now before Carlisle leaves for the evening, since he seems to be part of the conversation."

Edward dropped his chin to his chest, as he always did when he gave up trying to reason with me, so I turned directly to Carlisle.

He gave me a fatherly smile, "Esme told me you know about our experimentations. I was just telling Edward we can go ahead whenever you two are ready."

I was trying very hard to control my anger and I knew at that moment once I could see Edward's damaged body I would have a hard time remaining calm. I needed to get it out in the open and deal with it right now.

"Carlisle I need you to tell me exactly what you did to Edward." I crossed my arms in preparation for hearing the gruesome details.

Carlisle looked at Edward; who just hung his head after nodding slightly.

"I want specifics, like where you removed the skin to reach his veins and what you did to his chest….and how you fixed it."

Esme's face took on a pained expression. Carlisle sat in a chair and turned his full attention to me.

"Bella, I thought your suggestion was quite interesting…"

"Stop right there!" I interrupted. "I asked Edward a question. I never meant for him to take it any further. This was not my fault."

"It's mine," Edward offered.

"Regardless," Carlisle continued. "Edward wanted to know if it was possible and I didn't know for sure. He was not willing to experiment with your change and needed some reassurance before going through with it. He wants to be the one to change you, Bella, and I can't deny him that opportunity."

His eyes were so kind and I could tell he wouldn't hurt Edward just for the sake of gaining medical information. I took a deep breath and sat down across from Carlisle.

"So, tell me details." I was trying hard to keep my nerves intact.

"I used my teeth to pull away the flesh on one wrist and one ankle. I had to open a vein since I can't use a needle to inject anything in a normal vascular way. " He offered the information so mechanically, as if he was talking about opening a cardboard box.

Tears instantly began falling down my cheeks. "Did it hurt him?"

Edward put his hand on my shoulder but I ignored it. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, Bella, it did." He looked at Edward and smiled softly, then reached his hand out to Esme. I noticed it was shaking slightly.

"Okay," I choked, "Now the chest."

This time it was Esme who was comforting Carlisle. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder patting him lightly.

"I used my teeth to open his flesh and had to use my hands to break his breast bone." His calm exterior finally faltered and he brought his hand to his mouth, covering his quivering lips with his forefinger.

I couldn't remain listening any longer; visions of Edward screaming in pain filled my mind. I would be able to forget what had happened and let the details fall away with my change, but Carlisle was going to have his memories for eternity. I couldn't be angry at him anymore.

I stood shakily and covered my mouth with my hand while I heaved my morning breakfast. Edward grabbed a garbage can and held it under me before the contents made it to the ground. Long after my stomach was empty I continued retching into the pail.

"Bella, please calm down," he kept whispering. "I'm fine, it was for you, and I would do it again if it would save me from killing you."

I was finally too exhausted to continue and made my way to the bathroom. I locked the door and ran a bath. I am sure on some level this was proof Edward had regained his humanity, but it was all too disturbing to contemplate.

I thought I didn't want the morphine or the venom syringe, so I could experience the same thing the others did but Edward went to so much trouble figuring this all out for me, how could I deny him?

As I lay there soaking something Elizabeth told me flashed through my mind, "_You must get Edward to bite you!"_

I sat up in the tub so quickly I splashed water over the sides. I couldn't remember anything else. Was it important to have Edward bite me so I could change or was it important for some other reason? Did she know we would try something different and it wouldn't work? I was more confused than ever.

The next day Edward and I had the entire house to ourselves, which wasn't a good thing. We were trying very hard to restrain our physical relationship. I noticed Edward would always stay in the same room I was in, but kept his distance. We finally settled into a comfortable closeness. He played the piano while I read a book.

By afternoon the house was getting stuffy and I wanted to get some air so we moved out onto a hammock. Edward swayed gently laying on his back with his arms folded behind his head. I sat in a separate hammock across from him drawing his perfect form. I was trying to get his lower torso just right and kept staring back and forth at my sketch to his body.

He finally started smiling. "What are you smiling about?" I asked.

"Nothing," he answered shaking his head.

I narrowed my eyes and watched his face for a second. His grin widened.

"What, Edward?"

"It's nothing really, I was just wondering what you found so interesting."

I realized it looked like I had been staring at his crotch and I felt my face redden.

"Well," I decided to tease him. "I don't have vampire vision, so some things are difficult for me to see."

In the very next moment I found myself off of the hammock and hanging upside down over the water. Edward was holding onto my upper thighs so he wouldn't hurt my lower legs. He held me arms length away from his body effortlessly.

"Take it back," he demanded laughing.

"Help," I screamed. "I'm being attacked by a vampire!"

He lowered me until my hair was floating in the water below me. "Take it back, Bella."

I tried to swing my body closer to him so I could grab onto his waist but only was able to grab a small piece of the waistband on his shorts.

"If I go in Cullen your shorts are coming with me!"

"Oh really?" he asked, as he worked his fingers up my thigh so he now had hold of my shorts too.

I knew it would only take a simple movement on his part to have my shorts completely off my body but I wasn't about to give in.

"I don't have anything you haven't seen before, so I think you have more to lose in this standoff," I laughed, while hoping he didn't call my bluff.

"So, shall we call it an impasse?"

"Fine," I agreed, "It's a draw."

He gently turned me right side up and I had to hold onto his chest to find my balance. I was pretending to be dizzy as I quickly slid my hands to his shorts and with as much force as I could muster I grabbed the material and pulled. The button flew off and a ripping sound made its way down the side of the zipper.

Just as I began pulling downward he snapped out of shock and reached his hands out to grab my arms. My sudden intake of breath was not caused by his cold steel grip but by the fact he was not wearing underwear.

I looked up at him laughing and he let go of one arm so he could grab his shorts that were beginning to fall. He quickly backed into the water as I threw my arms around his neck. We were up to our shoulders before he stopped backing into the ocean.

"I'm sorry Edward," I said between fits of laughter. "Give me your shorts and I will go get your swimsuit."

I was stunned when he fell for it. He backed up and removed his shorts then threw them to my waiting hands. I made my way to the sand before turning back to look at Edward. I held the shorts high and grinned.

"Payback time_, dear_," I emphasized.

His eyes opened, than instantly narrowed. "Bella," he said with a low growl.

"Growl all you want, the only way you are getting clothes is to come get them yourself."

"If I come out there you're going to be sorry. Now save yourself the trouble and throw me my shorts."

"Show me your medical degree and I will throw you the shorts." I began swinging them in the air as I mocked his past comment.

He sighed heavily. "I don't carry it on me…..and right now I have nothing on me."

"Hum," I debated, "Seems like we're at an impasse."

He finally smiled timidly and took a step towards me. "I'm not embarrassed Bella. I'm only trying to spare your honor."

I put my finger to my chin to appear deep in thought then looked back at him. "Nope, not convinced."

He took another step towards me, now only covered to his belly button.

"So you don't care about _my _honor? You don't mind all those people seeing me naked?"

He nodded his head in the direction of the trail to our new house.

I turned to see who he was talking about and felt a cold wall slam into me. He was holding me tight against his body and walking me backwards toward the house. There was nothing I could do but wrap my arms around his neck.

"You lied," I accused him.

"No, I didn't. It's not my fault you can't see as far as I can."

We made our way through the sliding glass door still melded to each other. He stopped walking and kissed me chastely on my nose and turned to walk to his room. I stood there gawking with my chin on the floor. His body was so beautiful and that was only the back side.

As soon as he got into the hallway and out of my sight he yelled back to me. "Breathe Bella."

I had to shake my head a few times to get over the sight. He was a god, a perfectly sculpted god. _Precisely how many days til the wedding?_

He returned a few moments later dressed in a new pair of shorts, to find me still standing where he left me. He chuckled and went to my closet grabbing some fresh clothes.

"Here, change into dry clothes while I make you something to eat."

I only nodded and watched him leave the room using my imagination as he left.


	15. Chapter 15

15

_**What a Family**_

I decided to shower and take my time getting ready for the evening. We didn't have anything special planned, but I was enjoying spending time with just Edward. When I finally made my way to the kitchen he handed me a huge bowl of spaghetti.

"Are you planning on helping me eat this?" I asked in astonishment.

"Nope, but you're not eating enough, so dig in."

"If I can't fit into my wedding dress Alice will murder you," I laughed.

"I'm not afraid of her," he winked.

"What about Jasper or Emmett?"

"What about them," he wondered.

"Have you ever been afraid of them?"

He laughed heartily, "Afraid? No, never afraid. I have been frustrated, embarrassed, irritated, but never afraid."

"Tell me about them while I eat." I figured I should get to know my brothers better.

"Let me see, Emmett is a very simple man and I mean that as a compliment. He never holds back or acts differently than what he is thinking. He would do anything for any of us and he is our protector."

"From what?" I could see how Emmett would be intimidating but I wondered why he would have to protect vampires.

"High school can be a very frightening place," he said in all seriousness. "Sometimes we get bullied and we can't us our strength to respond. Emmett kind of evens the playing field."

"I think I know what you mean," I countered. "I noticed guys steered clear of Emmett and I'm sure just knowing he was your brother made them think twice before messing with you."

"Exactly!"

"Okay, now Jasper," I encouraged him to continue.

"Jasper has the advantage of changing your emotions so how can you not see Jasper as completely perfect?" He laughed.

"Jasper seems really intense to me."

"Not really, he is a very gentle man with a fierce love for Alice." He began shaking his head. "But he has to be a saint to deal with that tornado!"

He thought for a minute and then persisted. "Jasper is sort of a chameleon. He can really fit in with just about anyone. He can take Emmett's childishness just as easily as my compulsiveness."

I smiled at the realization that Edward was aware of how difficult he could be.

"I have a unique bond with Jasper, I'm not sure why, but there is something between us that lets me trust him with my very life."

I wondered if that was why Jasper watched me so closely when Edward was gone; the unspoken bond that made them truly brothers.

"Now Carlisle," I said with my mouth full of spaghetti.

"Ah, now it gets difficult." He was deep in thought so I took another bite. "Carlisle is selfless, never putting his desires before others. He is honest and sincere and very conscientious. His Achilles heel is Esme."

Edward looked at me and smiled. "I'm beginning to finally understand that weakness."

"How is Esme a weakness for him?" I asked.

"He would never be able to think rationally if Esme was involved. Aro would be able to control Carlisle if he took Esme."

"Who's Aro?" I had never heard that name and had no idea what Edward was talking about.

"Aro is an old friend of Carlisle's, he is a member of…I guess you would call it our royalty or maybe fascists would be a better term. He wanted Carlisle to join them but they don't see eye to eye on many subjects."

"Would he really take Esme?"

"No, we are too powerful of a coven for them to cause tension between us and them. With Alice's power we would know what they were planning, so it would be unlikely they would move against us."

"You make it sound like it would be a war or something."

He didn't respond so I question furthered. "What would they say about me?"

Edward continued to sit perfectly still and didn't answer. I began to get very nervous and knew the whole subject of 'me' would not go over well with this Aro guy.

"Edward, am I putting your family in danger?"

He shook his head back and forth slowly. It was not very convincing.

"Do they know about me?"

"Carlisle spoke to them," he said softly. "That was why Esme was so worried that night on the beach."

I exhaled deeply. I didn't know what it was going to take to get Edward to trust me and finally start clueing me in on things.

"What did they say?"

"They just want to be notified after you're changed. It is against our laws for a human to know about vampires. But they promised no action would be taken."

"Jeeze, Edward!" My voice rose in tempo. "You need to tell me these things. I'm not inviting Jacob to the wedding now."

He interrupted me. "Bella, you have the right to invite someone. It doesn't have to be just my family. I want someone there for you."

"I'm not going to put Jacob in danger when I haven't really known him very long, so let's drop it."

His forehead wrinkled as he thought so I broke in to get his attention back, "And the evil, skank, witch, Tanya can come."

His head fell back in laughter. "Well, let's not address the invitation that way."

I only rolled my eyes and made no such promise. I was now stuffed with spaghetti and put the bowl into the fridge. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Your pick," he smiled.

I began looking through the massive movie collection and came across "Field of Dreams."

"Can we watch this?"

"Sure." He took it from me and loaded the DVD player.

I lay back on the chaise and when he sat beside me I asked him to remove his shirt. He gave me a questioning look so I told him it was a very warm evening and it would cool me down to snuggle up next to him. He obliged and we sat contently watching the movie.

I was trying to hold back the sniffles when the move came to an end. The part where the main character plays catch with the younger version of his father always chokes me up. Edward pulled away from my arms and stood up. I expected him to take out the DVD but he walked silently to his room.

I followed after he didn't return and found him sitting on his bed with a metal box next to him. He was obviously very emotional although no actual tears could fall. I sat across from him on his bed and waited for him to speak.

After several quiet moments he looked at me and then back at the box. He slowly unlocked the lid and opened it. "Carlisle gave this to me," he whispered.

"What is it," I asked hesitantly.

"Stuff from my human life." His voice was so sad it broke my heart.

He picked up a baseball and held it up to me smiling. "This is from the 1908 World Series. The Cubs won. I went to the game with my father and he bought me a ball to remember the day."

I stared in shock, my eyes filling with tears, as I took the ball from his hand.

"Do you have any memories from my father?" he asked in hope.

I could only shake my head back and forth. "Nothing comes to me."

He sat still and his eyes were searching as he thought. He looked back at the ball and then up to my eyes. "He was a stern man in public, but very loving at home. He was always finding little ways to touch my mother. He would put a strand of hair behind her ear and let his hand linger on her cheek or gently run his hand across her shoulders while holding a chair for her to sit."

"You're very much like him," I smiled.

He looked back into the box and pulled out a black and white picture. He passed it over to my hands and I looked at a tall man wearing a suit and hat, a woman I recognized as Elizabeth Masen and a young boy. It had to be Edward, I could tell by the mop of unruly hair. He looked to be about ten years old.

"It was Easter," he began. "We attended church services and went to the park for a picnic and egg hunt."

I was staring intensely at the picture when Edward put his hand in front of me. Across his palm was a gold cross hanging from a chain. I looked up to see his eyes crying without tears.

"It was my mother's," he was able to choke out.

My first thought was surprise he could hold a cross in his hands but had to remind myself Edward was real, not a fictional vampire.

I took the necklace from his hand and walked around the bed to stand behind him. I placed the chain around his neck and fastened it before kissing him softly where it clasped. I walked back to look at the cross shining on his beautiful bare chest.

He lifted a finger to feel the cold metal and took a shaky breath, turning back to the box he pulled out an envelope. It had an elegant script across the front that read, 'Edward Anthony 1902.' He opened the envelope and found a lock of copper colored hair tied with a blue ribbon.

"Ahhhh," I blurted out as I looked at a lock of Edward's hair from his first cut. He grinned widely.

For the first time I felt a pang of regret that I would never have Edward's children. I looked at the picture again and it was so obvious he was their pride and joy. It would be a loss, but not having Edward at all would be unbearable.

As Edward continued working through his memories I eventually fell asleep. I woke up the next morning tucked in his bed and noticed a note on the pillow next to me.

_Bella, _

_I went with my brothers to hunt. Alice wants some time alone with you; keep a stiff upper lip and tell her NO as often as you like. Thank you for last night, I hope my human memories will make me a better husband for you._

_All my love,_

_Edward._

How did I get so lucky? I was boring, ordinary, nothing special, Bella Swan and now I get to be Mrs. Edward Cullen. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine married life.

"I know you're awake, Bella," Alice announced as she skipped to my bed and bounced on the side.

"Good morning to you too, Alice," I groaned.

"You love me and you know it. Now get up so I can show you your surprise."

That got my attention so I opened my eyes and sat up leaning on my elbows.

"All the way up," she demanded pulling me forward.

I stretched my legs and stood to follow her out of the room. We headed down the hallway into my room where Rosalie and Esme were waiting. Alice pointed to the bathroom so I opened the door to find a long white dress hanging from a hook.

I screamed and covered my eyes with my hands. The others laughed at me and Alice came over to pull my hands down.

"It's the groom who can't see the dress not the bride. Go try it on, silly!"

I shut the bathroom door and pulled the plastic covering from the dress. It was gorgeous and looked very antique. My hands were shaking as I slide the dress over my head. It had hundreds of pearl buttons up the back so I headed out of the bathroom for assistance.

Rosalie came over to button me as Alice straightened the material in the front. All the buttons were hooked in just a matter of seconds. I was grateful Edward would be there to undo them just as quickly.

Esme held the veil and put it on my head when Alice moved out of the way. The veil was floor length and had pearl beading all the way down both sides. When Esme stepped back Alice was holding a large oak mirror taller than she was.

I immediately burst into tears. It wasn't because Alice found the perfect dress, or that I was going to be a bride; it was because the Cullens were so amazing and I was going to become one of them. I never had a loving family and if it meant I had to become a vampire to experience it, I would gladly make the sacrifice.

Alice instantly threw me some tissue and I knew it was her way of telling me not to ruin my dress. Rosalie stood next to me and began pulling my hair up trying different looks. I could do without Ms. Beauty incarnate standing right next to me but I appreciated her effort.

"What about shoes?" I inquired of Alice.

She opened a little bag and handed me simple silk slippers with pearl beading. "Oh, you are wonderful Alice! I was just sure you would want me to wear heels."

She rolled her eyes as if I was a complete imbecile, "You can't wear heels on the beach, and there is no way I would allow you to trip in that gorgeous gown."

Esme pulled open a large duffle bag full of beauty supplies. The three of them went to work trying different shades of make-up, lipstick, nail polish and eye shadow against my skin. The only comforting element was how fast they could move; poor brides who deal with mere human helpers.

When they were all in agreement on every detail Alice ordered me into the bathroom to remove the dress. Rosalie again assisted with the buttons.

"When you're ready for the day come onto the veranda for another surprise," Alice yelled as she left the room.

I hung the dress, jumped in the shower and began getting ready for the day. I missed Edward already but it was fun spending the day with all the Cullen women. As I passed through the kitchen I grabbed a yogurt and spoon and headed for the veranda.

It was decorated for a bridal shower and I couldn't help but laugh at the lavishness of it all. Alice sure liked planning parties but the food buffet was a bit much.

"I can't eat all this," I complained. "I would weigh a ton."

Alice lowered her head a bit in shame. "I couldn't decide on what to serve so I just got everything. You don't have to eat it all, just try a bite of everything."

Rosalie leaned into my ear and whispered, "That is good advice for when you're a vampire, too."

We all began laughing. I picked up a plate with a matching cup and napkin and made my way down the food line. We sat at a round table centered with flowers as Alice began stacking presents next to me.

"You guys, come on! This is too much!"

"Start with this one," Alice insisted. I put the chocolate covered strawberry I had just bitten back on my plate and took the small box.

A note said, "From Esme." I smiled at her appreciatively as I opened the box and found a beautiful hand crocheted table runner. I held it up to see the words _Edward and Bella Cullen_ in the pattern.

"She made all of us one for our weddings." Rose informed me.

I hugged her tightly and told her how much I loved it. I turned back to find another present in my face.

"Now this one."

There was no note but I saw Rosalie nod at me. I unwrapped and opened the box to find several teddies and boustiers. I could feel my face turning red and refused to look at Rosalie. I pulled each garment out one at a time. I couldn't imagine having the nerve to wear them in front of Edward. I would be more comfortable naked than trying to be a vixen.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "I assume these are more for Edward?"

They all began laughing again. "Bella," Rose called to get my attention. "After all these years he deserves this! Make me proud."

I quickly reached for another present. "This is from me," Alice announced.

I pulled off the wrapping to find a video camera. I immediately gasped and couldn't believe what she was suggesting.

"No, you pervert," she laughed. "It is for your gift to Edward. You can record your life history so Edward can know everything about you. That way he can fill in your memories after you're changed."

I couldn't believe how thoughtful her gift was. It was the most amazing thing anyone had ever given me. I threw my arms around her and couldn't even find the words to tell her how grateful I was. Soon Esme and Rosalie were included in our hug and we all did the girly 'I love you' thing.

"I have to admit I was a little worried there, Alice," I confessed thinking Alice would want to see home videos of our wedding night.

"Yeah, right." Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head fervently. "You would have to worry about Jasper and Edward more than me and Edward."

I gasped and sat the gift down harshly. "You can't say something like that and expect me not to need an explanation. I asked Edward if he was gay and….." I suddenly realized he didn't really answer the question.

Alice and Rosalie screamed and laughed in unison. "Bella," Rose demanded as she stood with her hands on her hips. "You have to tell us these things. We have lived for decades and little things like that bring us too much joy to miss out on. Spill."

"When we got here I was trying to get to know Edward better and was just throwing questions at him." I felt like I was betraying him so I altered the story a bit. "Now you spill."

"Well," Alice began. "You know how Jasper can feel and alter emotions?"

I nodded.

"Everyone has a certain aura surrounding them. Jasper is attracted to certain people because of the energy coming off of them. It is instinctual and not something he can avoid. Edward has a very strong pull for Jasper."

"It's not sexual is it?" I asked in horror.

"I guess it could be if they were both inclined to make it sexual, but relax, Jasper loves me deeply and obviously you are the only one to turn Edward's head."

I was feeling a little flustered and didn't know what to make of the information. Maybe it was something I would understand after the change.

Alice handed me one last box. The note on top read:

_Bella,_

_Here are some things I want to give you for our wedding; something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. _

_You have given me my humanity, my memories, my reason to exist, and my only love, how can I ever repay you, but by loving you with all I am._

_My life truly begins the moment you become my wife._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

Alice threw a box of Kleenex at me before I opened the gift. I grabbed a handful and took a deep breath prior to lifting the lid. Inside I found a pearl ring circled in diamonds. A tag said the pearl ring belonged to Edward's grandmother and the diamonds were added for me, so it was something old and something new.

The next thing I picked up was a small circular flat piece of metal with an electrode coming out one end and winding around the device. I had no idea what it was until I looked at the tag. It was the pacemaker that made Edward's heartbeat. The tag read**, You may borrow this until were married, the real thing belongs to you.**

I couldn't help but think of the pain the little device had caused him. I closed my palm around it tightly and let the tears fall.

The last thing was the piece of blue ribbon that had been around his lock of baby hair. The tag informed me he used a rubber band to secure the old hair and wanted me to have the ribbon, since it had come from his mother. It was my something blue.

Esme wrapped her arms around my shoulders and whispered in my ear. "I didn't know Edward could be so romantic. You bring this side of him alive."

"You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all of this."


	16. Chapter 16

16

_**No Freaking Enema**_

The wedding shower continued as we all sat around the table talking while I ate my food. I asked each girl to share her story of finding her mate. They didn't go into the long detailed version. They made their stories very bridal shower worthy!

Rosalie began, "I saw Emmett fighting a bear and half his clothes were ripped off. Once I viewed his amazing body there was no way I was letting the bear have him." We all laughed.

"When he woke up," she continued, "he thought I was an angel or something. I could have just let him believe that, but I wasn't sure he would want to ravish an angel. When I told him what he was he just smiled at me; I saw those deep dimples and jumped his bones so fast."

Alice smacked Rosalie on the arm. "Gross," Alice yelled. "He goes from a bear attack to a horny vamp attack."

"Oh sweetie, there was nothing gross about it." Rose wiggled her eyebrows. "Emmett wasn't innocent as a human, and let's just say, he knows how to drive around the curves."

I looked at Esme and Alice and broke into laughter. "Is everything car related with her?"

"Just like everything is shopping related with Alice," Esme added.

Alice cleared her throat and began her tale. "Jasper is couture, a very old soul, nothing sales rack about him. He is also from the south, so everything is 'Darlin and Sugar' in the bedroom."

This time Rosalie turned to me and pretended to vomit.

"Stop it Rose, Jasper is so romantic and I love it. He is intelligent and can talk about any subject."

"Are you calling Emmett stupid?"

"If the video game fits….."

Rose just smiled. "Emmett is an expert in one area and it is the only area that matters," she said smugly.

"Well, Jasper has the energy to keep up with me, and since he is a southern gentleman that is all I will say."

Alice turned to Esme and giggled. "Tell us about Carlisle."

Esme put her hand over her heart and sighed. "I was married before I met Carlisle and the man was a brute in every way. Carlisle is the kindest, sweetest," she lowered her head to look from under her lashes, "and the sexiest man alive."

Alice and Rose began making cat calls and Esme just laughed it off. "The first year I was with Carlisle," she continued, "he would ask me every day if I wanted to leave. I was so smitten I couldn't imagine ever leaving him. I finally placed a pair of handcuffs on the bed frame and locked myself in. I told him I would rather stay a prisoner in that room than be away from him."

My eyes were bugging out of my head. "What did he do?"

Esme chuckled and leaned in closer to whisper. "We still use the handcuffs every once in awhile."

"Esme," Rose yelled, "you could at least share those stupid things."

I hurried and stuffed a bite of food in my mouth so I couldn't respond. I'm sure Edward could read their minds and knew what was going on around him. I wondered if he would expect me to be that creative.

"Bella, your turn….dish on Edward," Alice instructed.

"I'm not saying a word; you guys tease us enough." I shut my lips tightly.

"Come on," Rose complained. "You don't have to tell us any details just tell us something you love about Edward."

I could feel my face turn red as I began my answer. "Edward has very nice hands," I mumbled.

"You Jezebel." Rose laughed acting shocked.

"Girls," Alice announced. "It is time to don our bikinis and hit the water; enough with this sentimental stuff."

Since the men were gone I wasn't as mortified to put on one of the tiny things Alice considered as appropriate swimwear. I knew I couldn't compete with the girl's perfection so I didn't even try. I would just go along for the fun. I picked out what I thought was the cutest suit, even though the bottom was no more than a string, and headed out to the beach.

Alice and Esme were waiting and we turned toward the dock instead the sand. "Don't the boys have the boat?" I asked surprised.

"Nope, they left it for us," Alice said as she untied the tether.

"Where did they go and how did they get there?"

"They took the kayaks." Alice continued, "And don't ask how they could row that far."

"But, what about the sun," I couldn't imagine four sparkling men rowing into the port.

"They row at night and hunt during the day. You really need to learn the Cullen schedule of things, Bella."

I laughed at her phrasing. She didn't tell me to learn how vampires live but rather how the Cullens live.

We stepped into the boat just as Rosalie arrived on the dock. I had to shake my head at her figure. It was disgusting. I could take petite Alice with her tiny waist and hips. I could even take Esme's flat stomach and long legs, but Rosalie was utter perfection in every area.

"Okay Bella," Alice began. "Since it is your shower you get to decide who drives the boat; me or Esme?"

I looked between the two wondering why it would be a choice. I didn't care who drove. Rose stepped forward and pushed Alice and Esme out of the way as she rolled her eyes at me. 

"Just so you know, Bella; I always drive the boat."

I was done feeling badly about myself because of Rosalie so I decided to push the envelope.

"Actually, since it is my shower I'm going to drive the boat today," I announced with my chin in the air.

Everyone froze and I felt a miniscule amount of fear return. "But you will have to show me how, Rosalie," I added in an attempt to stay alive.

She leaned in very close to my face and slowly began to smile. "You're good; you're very, very good."

I felt my muscles begin to relax as Rose showed me how to start the engine and how to power up. I decided to let her pull us away from the dock, but once we got into open water the boat was all mine.

Alice had her iPod playing great tunes as I sped around the island. It was so much fun and felt exhilarating to move at such great speed. We finally decided to stop and hook up the water skis. I didn't feel comfortable pulling a skier so I reluctantly turned control over to Rosalie.

Esme was the first to ski. She was so graceful and just barely held on to the rope. I loved watching her move from the far side, across the wake, and back again while almost lying sideways.

Alice was next. True to form she was a jumper. She spent more time in the air than on the water. Now it was my turn. They insisted I wear a life jacket and promised to go very slowly.

I lowered myself into the warm water and took hold of the tow rope. "Bella," Rosalie smiled from the controls. "If you fall make sure you fall forward."

"Why?" I asked. That didn't make sense to me. Wouldn't it be less painful to fall back into the water than onto my face?

"Ever have an enema, sweetie?

My eyes flew open wide and I reached for the step back onto the boat. "I'm done."

"Don't be silly," Alice insisted. "You have to learn to ski. Edward loves it and he will want you to be able to do it with him."

"I'll do it after I'm changed," I insisted as I climbed back onto the boat.

Rosalie laughed and jumped into the water. Her technique was all show. She stayed perfectly upright and let her head fall back leaving a wave of blond hair flying behind her.

I tried to stay under the canopy the entire time but still managed to get a little sun burned. I didn't even notice but Esme's enhanced vision saw it in time to spare me from pain, and her from Edward's wrath.

We headed back to the dock and back under the veranda to go over the wedding book Alice made. She took care of every detail and assured me everything would be delivered by the following Saturday.

I felt a lump in my throat. Saturday was going to be my wedding. I was suddenly very nervous about making the change. I reassured myself by remembering everything Edward went through to take away the pain.

We spent the entire rest of the day talking about my wedding and reminiscing about weddings they had in the past. They were all surprised I had allowed Edward to invite Tanya and each one took turns reassuring me he never cared for her.

It was late by the time we had everything cleaned up. We ended up on the beach sitting in the very shallow water. The moon was incredible, giving off so much light, and we were all missing our men.

Suddenly Alice jumped up. "They're here."

I strained my eyes trying to make out any difference, but even with the moonlight I couldn't see a thing. All three women guaranteed me they were headed straight for us.

Emmett arrived first. His huge frame jumped out of the kayak with a smile that could stop traffic. "Hey, babe," he called out as he held his arms open.

Rosalie ran effortlessly through the water and jumped into his arms. She whispered something into his ear and by the looks on Alice and Esme's faces I was glad I couldn't hear it.

Edward and Jasper came into view next, followed closely by Carlisle. Alice was jumping up and down next to me splashing everywhere. Jasper waved her over and she took off into the water. She jumped onto the kayak as Jasper began rowing in another direction away from the crowd.

Edward stared at me the entire time. His eyes never moved from my face. He got out of his kayak and began dragging it over to me. When he got about two feet away he stopped and pulled off his t-shirt. My heart went wild. My entire body was aching in anticipation of feeling his arms around me. Instead he held up his hand offering me the shirt.

"Can you please put this on?" he pleaded.

I looked down to see I was still in the tiny bikini, when my eyes returned to Edward's I could see them begin to darken.

I shook my head back and forth and smiled seductively.

"Bella," he whispered. "I don't like hearing my brother's thoughts."

My smile widened. "I only care about your thoughts."

He raised his eyebrows. "I think you are playing with fire, little girl."

I was instantly off my feet and thrown over his shoulder. He easily carried me and the kayak up the trail. He placed me onto a hammock and climbed up next to me.

"Did you have a nice day? He asked.

"It was perfect. I don't even have the words to describe how much I loved your gifts. Thank you."

He kissed my hand a few times before he spoke. "You're welcome."

"How was your day?" I asked trying not to focus on his perfect lips.

"Long, I missed you."

"I got to drive the boat today," I grinned.

"Who was holding Rosalie hostage?" He laughed.

I smacked him lightly on the arm. "I didn't water ski though...Alice said you love to ski."

"Yes, I do. But you really shouldn't be skiing on your legs yet."

I hadn't even thought about my legs all day. I felt normal again but realized the girls must have been holding back so I could keep up.

"Alice said the wedding is on Saturday," I moaned as I pulled myself against his chest.

"That far away?" he sighed.

"That is exactly how I feel," I laughed as I maneuvered myself even closer to him. I tried to hide the yawn I was stifling, but it was no use.

"Tired, love?"

"Hmmm, a little," I confessed. "Can I just sleep here in your arms?"

He chuckled softly. "Not dressed like that."

"Just change me after I fall asleep," I mumbled almost asleep already.

"If you wear that I will have to change you, and I don't mean your clothes. Come on, love, let me help you to your bed."

He carried me to the bedroom and sat me on the bed. I was too tired to look for pajamas so Edward went to his room and returned with a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. I made my way to the bathroom after making him promise to stay.

After a quick shower and blow drying my hair I dressed in the clothes he gave me. I had to roll the waist of the boxers so they would fit but at least they were comfortable. I brushed my teeth and walked out into the dark room. Edward met me and guided me to the bed.

He sat against the headboard and I moved my pillow to his lap and lay my head down. He gently played with my hair as I drifted to sleep.

_Bella this is the most important part, the beautiful angel told me. This is the part you cannot forget, do you understand?_

_I nodded my head as fog swirled around us. I would do anything she told me too. I wanted the angel to be happy._

_Edward must bite you, repeat after me. Edward must bite me!_

_Edward must bite me, Edward must bite me, Edward must bite me…._

I jumped up gasping for air. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. Edward was quickly flying through the door in alarm.

"What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

I pushed him away from me in confusion. "God Edward, I'm eighteen not a child"

He backed up to give me some room. "I heard your heart rate increase and I thought something was wrong."

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a few deep breaths. "What time is it?"

"Almost three."

I fell back onto my pillow and tried to process the dream. Edward stood stoically by the bed without saying a word. I finally lifted my hand to him and pulled him onto the bed.

"Edward, do you think it matters how I change?"

He stared at me for a moment then asked, "What do you mean?"

"If we use the morphine and the syringe, will that make anything different. I mean…once I make the change will I be different because we used an unconventional method?"

"Not at all Bella, the venom has to spread through your body. It doesn't matter how it enters."

"I just have a weird feeling that you are supposed to bite me, your mom _wants _you to bite me."

He sat deep in thought and finally explained. "My mom lived in a different time. She wouldn't understand medical techniques of this modern era."

"But don't you think she's watching over you, like she would know what you would do if you ever had to change someone; especially me?"

"I doubt very much my mother knows what it feels like when the monster takes over. She wouldn't know how difficult it would be for me to stop."

I looked directly into his eyes. "Edward, look at me. I mean really look at me. Do you think you could kill me?"

He pulled me to his chest and placed his chin on my head. "I would never hurt you if I could help it. That's what scares me; what if I can't help it?" The terror was evident in his voice.

"Okay," I assured him. "We'll go with the morphine and syringe."


	17. Chapter 17

17

_**I'm Out of Here**_

I had a hard time falling asleep again, but once I did I was out for most of the morning. When I finally woke up I couldn't hear anyone else stirring. I dressed, used the bathroom and brushed my teeth before leaving my room.

Esme was in the kitchen holding up different material samples to the windows. I saw Carlisle on the porch so I made my way to him.

"Good morning Bella," he smiled.

"Hi, Carlisle, are you busy?"

He motioned for me to sit on the bench swing and then sat next to me. "I'm waiting for a supply boat." He pointed to some boxes on the dock. "I'm returning those windows."

"What's wrong with them?"

"All throughout my years there has been one constant; contractors want you to pay top dollar for bottom quality."

I nodded like I understood what he meant. "Can I talk to you about a few things?"

He removed his sunglasses and looked directly into my eyes and nodded.

"Edward and I have decided to go ahead with what we had planned and I was wondering if there is any reason you can think of that would change the outcome?"

"In what manner?"

"Have there been vampires made in ways other than being bitten?"

"I'm not sure. Most vampires are made as companions due to loneliness. In my case I was made purely by mistake. The vampire who bit me was scared off by a mob. If he had been stronger he would never have left me alive."

"Okay, what about Aro?" If I hadn't been staring directly at Carlisle's face I would have missed the second of surprise in his eyes. "What if something goes wrong and I am 'different' somehow. Will Aro make you kill me?"

"Bella, Esme and I already consider you family. Nobody touches our family, understand?"

I couldn't help but smile. He had more concern for me as a daughter in a couple of months than my father had in eighteen years.

"I was also wondering about a job, you know, some way for me to contribute to the family. I like to draw and Jake said I could sell drawings at the markets in Brazil."

Carlisle looked at the ocean but not really seeing anything. He was contemplating something. "Art would be a good way to make money but working in a crowded marketplace would be difficult. It is becoming harder and harder for us to live among humans." He sighed as if he was sad about the future.

"Why's that?"

"Computers, the internet makes it difficult for us to move from place to place and remain anonymous. We have to be very careful about being photographed. When posing as school students we have to make sure we don't score too highly or achieve too much because once you make the papers your face is out there for anyone to see online."

I thought about what Carlisle was saying. What if Jacob came to this island in twenty years and I am still the exact same as when he last saw me? I realized the island wasn't totally safe for us either.

"So, how are we going to do this?" I finally asked. "Is it just going to be Edward and me, or will you be there too?"

"We will stay at the main house and let Edward handle things himself. If he needs help we will be close by."

"Is there a possibility I could hurt him?"

"No, you will be very strong but you love Edward, so it evens things out. It wasn't a problem for Esme or Emmett."

I had noticed he left out Rosalie. I am sure she wasn't the sweetest newborn to deal with.

Carlisle gave me a quick hug; put his sunglasses back on and headed to meet the boat under the cover of clouds. I went inside to find Esme.

"Do you know where Edward is?" I asked her.

"They are at the other house. When workers aren't there they can use their strength and speed to do more work."

"I want to work on my life history; can you tell me when they are getting close?"

"Sure, dear."

I grabbed a box of pop tarts and headed back to my room. I set up the camera and began talking. I couldn't believe how easy it was. Everything just poured out of me. My loneliness as an only child, my attempts to learn an instrument, my failure as a gymnast, my desire for a pet, and even my inability to bond with my parents. It was made for Edward but I think I got just as much out of the whole exercise.

The sun was beginning to set when Esme knocked on the door. "The kids are coming back now."

It made me smile to hear this young beautiful woman refer to them as kids, but that is exactly the way she saw them. Emmett was Esme's big teddy bear, Jasper was her overachiever, Edward was her introspective child and the girls were her head strong daughters.

I packed up the used tapes and moved everything into the closet. I was fiddling on the piano when Edward came in. His hair was a mess and he was covered in paint but he headed right for me rewarding me with a deep kiss.

"Wow," I laughed. "I should play piano more often."

"I spent the day working on our house and I can't wait until we're in it." He was beaming with pride and I knew it was the first time he worked on something that was being made just for him. All those years of helping the others, wondering if he would ever find a mate, must have been difficult.

"I love my manly man," I teased him.

He straddled the piano bench and pulled me closer. We were totally lost in each other when someone spoke.

"Play something Edward; Bella said you have great hands."

I pulled away and glared at Rosalie as Alice laughed. The guys looked at each other in confusion as Edward turned on the piano bench and began playing. It was a classical piece that was so beautiful I closed my eyes and let the notes linger in my head.

"I love you too." I heard Edward say quietly so I opened my eyes. He was looking at Esme and I saw her blow him a kiss.

He turned to me, "This is Esme's favorite, and she sort of requested it."

I smiled knowingly and once again I was grateful he couldn't read my mind.

"What did you do today?" he asked when the song ended.

"I'm not telling." I tried to sound coy but ended up sounding bratty. "I was working on something that is a surprise.

"For me?" he smiled.

"Yes, for you. Don't you dare try to find out what it is by reading minds."

He laughed harder, "No wonder Esme wanted me to play, she is blocking me."

I didn't want to tell him she was also saving me from explaining Rosalie's comment so I was eternally grateful.

"Can you show me the house?" I was really interested in what they did all day but I also wanted to be alone with Edward.

"Let me get cleaned up and….."

"No, stay like you are," I winked at him.

He leaned into my ear and whispered, "Does my fiancé have a fetish for a blue collar man."

"I just like a guy who knows how to use his hands," I giggled. He suddenly understood Rose's comment and pretended to reprimand me.

"Bella, are you telling my sisters private, personal, intimate things about us?"

I acted like I was pouting and put my hands on my hips, "Well, Esme and Carlisle use handcuffs."

I could hear Emmett's laughter coming from the other room so I added more for his benefit. "And Rose is mad that Esme won't let her have them."

"Traitor." I heard Rosalie yell right before we heard a loud growl and a bang against the wall.

I grabbed Edward's hand and began pulling him towards the back door. "I can't read minds but I know what's going on. I really don't want to listen to Emmett and Rosalie ripping the room apart in passion."

Edward threw me onto his back and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I had the perfect position to nibble on his neck. Instead of running at vampire speed to the house he walked humanly, sighing as I made my way from his ear to his collar bone.

When we reached the house he stopped and put me down. "I won't carry you into the house until we're married."

"There seems to be a lot of stuff you won't do until were married." I said as a joke. He stopped and turned to me placing his hands on my face.

"Bella, you understand we can't have sex until you're changed right? Even after we are married that can't happen, understand?"

I did understand but that didn't mean I liked the idea. I was crazy about Edward and his beautiful face and perfect body were hard to resist. His determined abstinence was beginning to really bother me.

"But you're going to change me right after we are married aren't you?" I could hear the panic in my own voice.

He leaned back laughing and took my hands in his, "I would inject you at the altar if I could."

I took his remarks to bolster my courage to talk to him about something.

"There are other things we can do after we are married though." I could feel my face redden. "Things we have already done."

"You will be the death of me, woman." He began pulling me towards the house. I pulled my hand back as hard as I could, but still couldn't free it from Edwards grip.

"I want to talk about this Edward, don't dismiss me."

He put his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it back and forth as his head dropped forward. His loud sigh angered me. 

"Is my pre wedding drama bothering you?" I regretted saying it the instant it came out of my mouth.

His head snapped up and his mouth fell open. "I didn't say that."

I took a deep breath to calm down before I continued. "You're right, you didn't. I'm sorry."

He looked at me hesitantly. "So, let's talk about it."

"Well," I began. "I doubt very much you plan on coming here right after the ceremony and sticking me with a syringe the second we walk through the door. Surely there will be a little foreplay first," I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"I guess I haven't really thought about it." I saw something flash across his face, a realization of some sort and then confidence. "To be perfectly honest Bella, I don't really believe you will go through with it."

"Go through with what, the change?"

"All of it, the wedding, the change, eternity with me."

I was stunned. Thoughts were running through my head so quickly I couldn't think straight. I had been counting every second of every day until I could be his wife, until I could change and be his mate, and spend eternity with him.

"Are you insane?" I asked him. "Why would you think that? No, wait, what have I done to make you believe that?"

"You haven't done anything, love. It is me that is having a hard time believing you want all of this and that I could somehow be deserving of you."

"Edward….I just….I mean….god Edward. I am not the type of person who would let everyone go through so much trouble for nothing."

"Bella, if you change your mind I forbid you to worry about the money. It would…."

"Money, did you just say _Money_?" I began pacing back and forth in absolute shock.

"I don't give a damn about the money, Edward, I can't live without you. I feel like part of this family and I don't want to live without any of you. How could I possibly change my mind and leave? I am a Cullen! In my heart I am already a Cullen!"

I tried to hang on as long as I could, but the tears began to fall. I wiped my face in anger and stopped pacing to stare at Edward.

"How can you say something so cruel to me?" I demanded.

He looked at me in shame but he didn't try to take the words back. I felt like the air was being sucked out of the atmosphere. "Did you change your mind about marrying me?"

"Marrying you would be the greatest thing in my entire existence," he stated flatly. "But I will never stop wishing you would come to your senses and leave me before that can happen."

I backed up when his words registered in my brain. He was my everything and I could not imagine leaving him. How could he wish I would go away? He couldn't truly love me if that was his wish.

I would not force him into something he didn't want. I insinuated my way into his life by using his dead mother's words. I could see now it was never his choice. I would give him what he wanted.

"I'm leaving Edward. I'm not going to marry you." I took off my ring and stepped forward to hand it to him.

He stared at my hand and without taking the ring he fell slowly to his knees, wrapping his arms around my legs. "I'll let you go, but I want you to know how much I love you."

I could hear the remorse in his voice although his tears were impossible.

"If you loved me you wouldn't let me go," I answered coldly. I pulled from his arms and sat the ring in the dirt next to him, then turned and walked away.

I was completely numb as I walked down the dark trail. I couldn't feel my legs and I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I don't know how far I made it when I tripped and fell to the ground. I didn't bother getting up. I just laid there stunned. My Romeo didn't want me. I knew what Rosalie felt when he rejected her, worthless, stupid, and heartbroken.

I heard something deep in the jungle far from where I was lying, an unfathomable, guttural roar that sounded like a wounded lion. I knew that sound….it was the sound my own heart was making.

It was late when a pair of cold hands lifted me off the ground. It wasn't Edward, I could tell by the feel of the chest against me. I opened my eyes to see Jasper. He didn't walk to the main house but took me back to the new place.

I didn't fight him; I didn't say a word, neither did he. He sat me down on a couch still covered in plastic packaging. My pride was beginning to resurface as I moved to the end of the couch and crossed my legs.

"What are you doing, Jasper?"

"I'm saving you from yourself." His voice was soft and melodic. I was going to miss that voice.

"I think Edward already did that," I spewed.

"Edward is…." He was searching for the right word.

"Gone, spared, off the hook?" I offered words for him to use.

"An asshole," he declared in his southern drawl.

I couldn't help but laugh. It was the last word I expected out of Jasper's mouth.

"Bella, I want to explain something to you and I truly hope you can understand."

I nodded for him to continue.

"This is probably the most human thing Edward has ever done."

I gaped in astonishment. "I guess I need more of an explanation."

"Men get nervous before a wedding, all men, and not just human men. Women think it is the commitment that makes us anxious, but that isn't true. It is the fear of you finding out we are only average."

"We are not the knights in shining armor our women make us out to be. Sometimes it is easier to let you leave, believing the lie, than to let you stay and see the disappointment in your eyes. Edward has twice the burden. You are giving up your human life and he fears looking into your eyes one day to see the regret. Can you imagine how much that terrifies him?"

I was beginning to see his point. I had no idea what I was doing and was leaning on Edward to answer all my questions. He didn't know either. Being a vampire did not make him any less of a man; it just made him more concerned about being inadequate. I worked to bring back his humanity and didn't realize normal fears were coming back too.

I shook my head and looked at Jasper. "Edward isn't the only one acting like an asshole. Do you know where he is?"

"If you don't mind waiting here I'll go get him."

"Wait," I said putting my hand up to stop him. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure, darlin." I melted a little at his southern charm.

"Can you explain your relationship with Edward?"

"Relationship?" he questioned.

"It's just you two seem really close as brothers." I was suddenly sorry I had brought up the subject.

"I love Edward." He spoke so adamantly I wasn't quite sure how to take his meaning.

He stood and smiled gently at me. "But rest assured, I love Alice so much more."

I nodded and remained very confused.

After he walked out the door I spent the time looking through the house. It was so beautiful and the furniture Esme bought looked so much better than it did on the internet. She had such a talent for decorating.

The bed was incredible. It was black wrought iron with a canopy of white gossamer fabric flowing down the sides; a perfect blend of the two rooms in the main house. It was so high off the ground a matching footstep was attached to the bed frame.

I made my way to the bathroom and stepped into the oversized tub. I lay against the back of the cold porcelain and my feet still had about 20 inches before they could touch the other end. I could only imagine how great it would feel when it was filled with warm soapy water. I had both of my arms on the ledges and my eyes closed when I heard someone sit on the rim of the tub.

I was startled and jumped in fright but relieved to see it was Edward. He looked awful and he had what appeared to be tear stains on his face. "Edward, were you crying?"

His head lowered and he wiped his face as if he was ashamed.

"I'm sorry, that sounded rude, but you have tear stains?"

"Venom," he whispered.

"You cry venom?"

"Apparently… I never have before."

I jumped from the tub onto his lap as he balanced us steadily on the rim. "Can you ever forgive me?" I begged him. "I love you Edward and I will never leave you again. Please, please say you will forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, love."

I climbed off his lap and took his hands into mine. "Come with me."

He rose and followed me into the bedroom. I walked backwards the entire way leading him to our bed. I used the step but he jumped easily onto the mattress. We laid down facing each other with our hands linked in between us. It didn't matter that we were dirty and laying on our brand new white comforter. We just needed to be together.

"I wish we could stay right here forever," I whispered knowing he could hear me. "I wouldn't change one thing."

"I would change just one thing," Edward corrected. He reached into his pocket and pulled out my ring. My tears began to fall when he placed it back onto my finger and lightly kissed it.

"I love you Edward, and not because your mother sent me, and not because you are a vampire. I love you, because you are Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

He smiled softly, "And I love you Bella, not because my mother sent you, and not because you are human. I love you because you are Isabella Marie Swan."

"Soon to be Cullen," I added.

"Yes, soon to be Cullen," he agreed.

He leaned in to kiss me. It started out slow and chaste but soon I heard him moan as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. My hand moved instinctively to his hair as we removed any open space between us. He was mine; my man, my love, my future and I would remove all of his doubts.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Cousins? Riiiight**_

_**18**_

The rest of the week passed with Edward and I spending time alone at our house. We would head to the main house each evening to get food for the following day. I was looking forward to the time food would no longer be a concern.

On Thursday evening when we entered the house I could tell Edward was having a mental conversation with someone in the room. I began watching them all to see who it was with. Everyone seemed totally normal until I got to Emmett. That was a surprise. I never felt like Emmett would have the need to talk with Edward privately.

Emmett seemed bothered about something and had a hard time staying still. Whatever he was asking Edward seemed to agitate him. He left the room and slammed the door on the way out.

"Is everything okay?" I asked Edward.

"Yes, it's fine. Emmett is very protective of you."

That surprised me. I felt Jasper's watchful eyes often but never Emmett's. "Is there something he needs to protect me from?"

Edward leaned closer to my ear. "Our cousin's arrive tomorrow. Emmett won't stand for Tanya causing trouble."

My eyes opened wide. "Does she plan on making trouble?"

Edward began pinching the bridge of his nose so I reached up and grabbed his wrist. Would I ever get him comfortable with sharing unpleasant news with me? I honestly think he would be happy surrounding me in a plastic bubble and standing guard for eternity.

He sighed loudly and turned to look at me. "Tanya likes to instigate things. She will try to bait you. But don't worry we will keep her in line."

"No Edward. You won't do anything. I will handle Tanya."

He smiled condescendingly so I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. "I have seen girls like Tanya my whole life. This is not a vampire thing, this is a female thing. Trust me; I know what I'm doing!"

Alice interrupted us to give me the outline for the following days. I was to stay at the other house until evening. A party in our honor would start at sundown at the main house. I would be introduced to the cousins at that time. Saturday morning the men would leave to hunt and the women would decorate for the wedding. In the afternoon Alice and Rose would bring me to the main house and get me ready.

I just nodded as she went on and on but I couldn't help the silly grin plastered on my face. In a matter of hours I would be Edward's wife.

Carlisle asked to speak to me and we walked onto the front porch. He didn't look at me but stared at the dark ocean. He reached out and handed me a note. It read;

_Bella,_

_I am not speaking or looking directly at you so Edward can't read my mind. I have Edward's father's wedding band for you to place on his finger during the ceremony._

I remembered Elizabeth telling me Carlisle had Mr. Masen's ring and that it would fit Edward perfectly. She was given the ring by his father, Edward the first, on her wedding day. Three generations of Masen men would wear that ring.

_Alice will have the band on her during the ceremony and hand it to you at the appropriate time._

_I love you, my newest daughter,_

_Carlisle_

"Dang it, Carlisle," I complained as I wiped away tears. "I didn't want to cry tonight."

He took the note from my hand and put it back into his pocket before gently kissing me on the head. "Don't wish away your tears; they will be gone soon enough."

Edward was waiting for me with a garment bag over his shoulder and a plastic bag of food. I eyed him suspiciously but he just nodded toward Alice. We said our goodbyes and promised to show up on time the following evening.

We walked quietly down the trail for several minutes before Edward couldn't stand it any longer. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"What Carlisle said that made you cry?"

"Carlisle didn't say a word," I answered honestly.

"Bella," he growled in frustration, and then let out a menacing hiss.

I giggled and kept walking. "You don't scare me, Edward."

I walked a few more steps when I realized I didn't hear anyone following me. I turned to find a dark trail and no sign of Edward. I looked up the trail to see if he had made his way in front of me but still no sign of him anywhere.

"Edward!" I yelled. I stood perfectly still listening for any sounds but all I could hear was my rapid heartbeat.

I was trying to decide if I should go back to the main house or continue on to our bungalow when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I whirled around to find Edward standing inches from me and I screamed in fright.

"Don't do that," I insisted as I slapped his chest.

"Did I scare you?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I noticed he no longer had the garment bag, "Not as much as Alice is going to scare you if you let anything happen to my 'meet the skank' dress."

He shook his head in laughter and mumbled, "What have I gotten myself into?"

"You love me Edward Cullen and you know it."

He turned around and leaned over so I could jump onto his back. "I do, God help me but I do."

Several yards down the trail he picked up the garment bag and food.

The following evening Edward was knocking on the bathroom door begging me to come out. "Come on, Bella, you don't want to be late. Alice will eat you for dinner."

I was staring in the mirror trying to talk myself into finding the courage to face Tanya. Alice bought me the perfect dress, as usual. I used a flat iron to straighten my locks so they fell like silk down my arms. I took extra care with my makeup making sure it was as even as possible. There was nothing more I could do but stand next to a gorgeous vampire who wanted my man and hope he didn't change his mind.

I opened the door and Edwards eyes widened and then instantly darkened. "Wow," he mouthed.

"Do I look okay?" I asked as my insecurities took over.

"No, you do not look okay, you look way better than okay. You look stunning Bella."

I offered a weak smile but noticed Edward staring up and down my body. Maybe I was looking okay after all. "Let's go," I offered.

Edward shook his head back and forth and put his arms around my waist pulling me closer until I was melted into him. "I don't want to share you tonight. You're mine."

His lips crashed onto mine and his arms locked around me tightly. There was no way I could break his hold, but there was also no way I wanted too.

Just when we had given up the whole notion of a family party Alice walked through the door. She began tapping her foot in annoyance until Edward finally pulled away from my lips and acknowledged her presence.

"Go away, sprite."

"If you ruin this for me Edward, I will never forgive you."

"You?" he questioned. "Don't you mean Bella?"

Alice looked embarrassed and began stammering, "Well...um…yeah….I meant Bella."

"That's okay Alice," I offered. "You did all the work and it wouldn't be fair for us to ruin this for you. We are coming right now."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Edward and skipped out the door. I put my hand in his and took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing."

We could hear music and chatter as we neared the house and saw the entire veranda decorated with twinkling lights. It was beautiful, I mentally reminded myself to thank Alice.

We walked up the stairs and I saw everyone staring at us. I tried to put on my best smile but Edward could feel me shaking. He pulled me closer to his side and began the introductions.

"I want to thank you, dear cousins, for traveling so far to celebrate with us. This is my beautiful bride Bella. I am sure you will come to love her as much as we do."

A very tall man and woman stepped forward and extended their hands. "I am Eleazar and this is my wife Carmen."

"Hello, I have heard so much about your family and I am pleased to finally make your acquaintance."

"As, are we."

Edward directed me to where a young woman was sitting; she had very distinct features and was beautiful in an exotic way. "Bella, this is Trina."

"Hello, Trina." I offered my hand and she only touched it lightly and pulled away.

Edward continued to move me along to where Alice and Rosalie were standing. I hugged them both and each gave me a supportive squeeze.

Next came two more girls, Sasha and Kate. I can't say they were friendlier than Trina but they were definitely more interested. Both hung on every word I said and would openly stare back and forth between Edward and me.

I saw Jasper picking out music by the stereo as Carlisle and Esme danced slowly in the middle of the veranda. I couldn't see Emmett anywhere and nobody named Tanya had been introduced. I was beginning to relax a bit.

Edward and I danced together and he then took turns asking his cousins. I made my way into the kitchen to get a drink when I heard a woman clear her throat to gain my attention.

I turned slowly to find a beautiful lady, with strawberry hair and thick perfect lips staring at me.

"Hi." I tried to sound confident. "You must be Tanya."

She smiled superficially and looked me up and down. "You look nothing like Edward said."

"I'm afraid Edward is a little prejudiced," I admitted.

"Yes, I would suspect so."

"I guess love is blind after all." I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "You look exactly like he described."

Her eyes narrowed and I knew she got the point I was trying to make. Edward saw her exactly the way she was because he didn't love her.

"I would like to offer you a little advice, dear Bella." I nodded for her to continue. "Men tire easily of boring women. I would try to make a better effort if I were you."

I chuckled and looked at her in amazement. "What makes you so intimidated by me? I mean, I am average in every way, yet you stand here trying to make me feel….what, ugly….frightened….out of my league?"

"There is nothing you can say that would make me feel like I don't deserve Edward, because I already know that. I don't deserve him. That is why I will spend every day of eternity grateful he fell in love with _me _and loving him back with everything I have."

Tanya was seething as she spun on her heels and walked out the door. I turned back to the sink but my hands were shaking too badly to hold my cup. A large hand reached out and filled my cup for me. I turned to see Emmett standing with a huge grin offering me the drink.

"You made Tanya speechless," he whispered. "I don't think anyone has ever done that before."

"Thanks." I took the cup still shaking. "But I think my bravery act reached its limit."

"You'll be fine… Tanya and I came to a little agreement." He gave me an evil grin. "I think you just experienced the worst she has to offer tonight."

I didn't even want to know what he was talking about. Whatever agreement he had with Tanya I was thankful for. I gave him a big hug and we walked hand in hand back to the party. As he deposited me in Edward's arms he whispered in my ear. "Tanya is wrong, you are breathtakingly beautiful."

I squeezed his hand in appreciation. How could anyone who is married to Rosalie find another woman beautiful? But Emmett was so honest at all times that I had to think his compliment was real.

Edward sat and pulled me onto his lap. "Okay?" he questioned.

"More than okay," I assured him.

The night passed very quickly. I found most of the Denali's quite personable and looked forward to visiting them after my change. Edward remained by my side at all times and kept finding small ways to touch me. He would lightly trail his fingers down my side or run his hand under my hair to rub his thumb back and forth across my neck. Every time his cold hand made contact with my skin I felt an electric shock run through my body.

When we had stayed a reasonable amount of time Edward whispered in my ear. "Are you ready to leave, love?"

My heart sped up and he looked at me smugly. "I guess you are." We stood ready to make our rounds to say goodnight when Tanya walked out with a tray of wine glasses. Each glass was filled halfway with a thick dark red liquid. My stomach flipped.

"I would like to make a toast in honor of Edward and Bella." She went to hand me a glass and then pulled it back pretending to be embarrassed. "Oh dear, I guess you wouldn't like a glass of polar bear blood would you?"

Edward tensed next to me and I patted his shoulder to calm him down. "That's okay, I will grab a glass of something to toast with."

I went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. No wine, no red juice, I finally saw a jar of Maraschino cherries. I grabbed a glass and poured the liquid from the jar into it. I returned to Edwards's side and held my glass up. He put his arm around my waist and squeezed as he winked at me.

I could tell Emmett was trying to hold back a laugh and Alice was bouncing with joy.

Tanya glared at me, but cleared her throat and began her toast. "Edward was always the best of us, we expected great things from him, and now he has given up and decided to become domesticated." She chuckled as if she was making a joke but no one was laughing. "If things turn out badly just know we will always love you, dear cousin."

Carlisle stepped forward before anyone could drink to the toast Tanya had made. "Edward, you were my first son." His voice cracked and he took a moment before he continued. "There has never been a moment when you disappointed me." Edward looked at the ground showing his disbelief in the statement.

"Nobody is perfect," Carlisle continued. "But you learned perfectly. Bella is proof of that." Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, you are the last of my daughters and you brought us humanity, faith, and assurance in how we live. Most importantly you brought us another side of Edward. We can't thank you enough for that." He raised his glass high, "To my oldest son and my youngest daughter, I offer you both all our love."

We all drank and the cherry juice was beyond sweet; I was ready to gag but then remembered what the others were drinking. I made myself empty my glass and tried not to make a face, then began looking at my nails so I wouldn't have to see the remnants of bear blood on anyone's mouth. I heard Emmett smack his lips and moan as if it was the sweetest nectar in the world.

"It has been a long evening," Edward began. "I'm taking Bella home and we'll see you all in the morning."

I made my way through the family offering my thanks and saying goodnight. I assured Alice it was a wonderful party and thanked her for the beautiful dress. Esme and Carlisle pulled Edward and I into a big group hug and there were no need for words. I thanked Rosalie for letting me use Emmett as my protector for the evening and she smiled in earnest.

I didn't have words for Jasper. He was the reason Edward and I had made it this far, so I hugged him tightly as he ran his gentle hand down my hair. Emmett lifted me into the air high above his head like a child as I squealed and kicked.

"That's going on my list," I chided him as Edward told him to be very afraid. We thanked the Denali's for coming; Tanya had managed to disappear, and we headed home.

Edward lifted me into his arms and carried me bridal style. I stared at his beautiful face as he walked. In twenty four hours we would make this trek as man and wife. Why did it seem so far away?


	19. Chapter 19

_**Yours and Mine**_

_**19**_

Edward was gone when I woke up, but rose petals were everywhere. I saw an envelope with a letter from Edward lying on the table.

I took the note to our room and sat on the bed reading the wonderful things he wrote. I knew Alice would be livid to know I spent the morning of my wedding crying. I would have to put ice on my eyelids to take care of the swelling.

_Mine, _

_Today is our wedding and I am still trying to imagine what would make you agree to be my wife. If I could have one wish it would be to hear your thoughts for only one minute. You amaze me. You changed me. You saved me._

_The moment you walked into my class, wearing tan jeans and a dark blue sweater, I looked into your chocolate eyes and fell madly in love with you. Your beauty made me speechless and I cursed my existence because I thought I could never have you. _

_My pride made me push you away but I secretly followed you every day. I loved you from afar, never understanding how much you needed me to love you openly. For that I am sorry._

_When you told me you were my destiny my heart soared. I was afraid to believe; afraid to hope I could spend eternity loving you. Yet here you are, by my side, letting me love you so undeservedly. I promise to spend every second trying to make you happy. _

_You can't imagine how much I hate being away from you today. I will be waiting anxiously at the altar for you to join me, so I can vow to be with you forever, and make you Mrs. Edward Cullen._

_I love you with all I have and all I am._

_Yours_

I was trying to stop the tears when I heard a voice. I jumped and looked around seeing no one.

"Hello?" I called out and then held perfectly still, listening. Still nothing.

I couldn't shake the feeling someone was in the house. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a box cutter sitting on the unfinished counter. I made my way through each room but didn't see anyone.

I went back to the bathroom and made sure I brought the sharp blade with me when I heard the voice again. "_Make sure Edward bites you_."

I screamed in frustration. "Why… would you please tell me why?" I waited silently for her to answer but nothing came.

Alice showed up around noon to bring my videos to wrap for Edward. "You look awful." She stamped her foot in anger. 

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I guess if the dead are going to talk to me I might as well LOOK LIKE DEATH." I was screaming at the ceiling as I finished the sentence.

"Who's talking to you, Bella?" She eyed me curiously.

I just shook my head in disgust. "Alice, can you see Edward's future yet?"

"No," she admitted. "And I can only see one thing about the wedding. It makes me crazy when I can't see how one of my creations turns out."

"What one thing about the wedding?"

"When Carlisle…." She stopped suddenly. "I'll let it be a surprise, it's sweet."

She turned to leave and I called her back. "Don't leave me alone, Alice."

"I'm going to get you some cucumbers for your eyes. I'll send Esme back to stay with you. Is that okay?"

"Thanks," I offered with a weak smile.

Esme showed up looking very concerned so I could only imagine what Alice was telling everyone. I put the sliced cucumbers on my eyes and let Esme work on my fingernails and toenails.

"Esme, do you believe in intuition?"

"Absolutely, the only things more sure are Alice's visions."

"So, if Alice couldn't see something would you go with your intuition?"

"Is there something you are worried about, Bella?"

"No, I just have a feeling about something and I can't seem to shake it."

"Maybe, you shouldn't be trying to shake it then?"

I nodded in agreement and went back to my unsettled feeling. I thought the day would drag by but it was going faster than I could imagine. When it came time to head to the house for my make-up and dress I was more than nervous. I decided to bring the cucumbers Esme put in the refrigerator in case my tears returned.

I grabbed the small zip lock bag and noticed a plain brown box in the back of the vegetable drawer. I pulled it out and looked inside. Chills ran down my spine when I saw the syringes. One large one was labeled "Morphine" and five smaller ones read "Ed V."

I tried to touch one of the venom filled syringes with my shaking finger but couldn't force myself to make contact. I didn't know when Edward had prepared the box or even contributed the venom. I couldn't remember seeing it in the drawer before and wondered if it was prepared last night while I slept, maybe after he wrote the letter.

I put the box away and ran to find Esme, forgetting the cucumbers and leaving them lying on the counter.

Rosalie was waiting for us on the trail and instructed me to close my eyes. She was adamant I not look at anything but the room they placed me in. Alice began doing my make-up as Rose worked on my hair. She sprayed and teased and pinned until I felt like Marge Simpson. Esme finally brought me a mirror to ease my mind.

My hair was unbelievable. It was pulled onto my head loosely and ringlets fell from my temples and around my neck. Pearl handled long pins were throughout my hair and I was certain Edward would have to remove them for me.

Alice handed me a corsets to wear and everyone stood silently in shock when I didn't whine. "Who are you and what did you do with Bella?" Alice demanded.

"Come on, I wanted the whole vintage wedding, so a corset was expected." I rolled my eyes as they continued to stare, "Plus, Edward's gonna love it."

"That's my girl." Rosalie pretended to wipe away tears. "The student becomes the master."

I fidgeted nervously while they got ready. They could wear potato sacks and still be gorgeous but they were stunning in their dresses. Esme's was midnight blue with soft flowing fabric to the knees where a cream ribbon divided the pleats going to her ankles. Rosalie's was the same but her ribbon wrapped around her hips as the pleats fell to her ankles. Alice looked a foot taller since her ribbon was right under her breast and the pleats added length going to her ankles.

Now it was time for me to put on my gown. It took all three women holding it open to protect my hair. Rosalie buttoned the millions of buttons as Alice put my slippers on my feet. I felt like Cinderella going to the ball, only this Cinderella didn't have any ugly step sisters.

Each one hugged me tightly and left the room. Alice had a small radio in her hand and instructed me to count slowly to twenty-five and then come through the sliding glass doors, down to the path of palm trees and to the beach.

I mentally checked my list. I had on the old pearl ring with the new diamonds, Edward's pace maker was tied around my garter with the blue ribbon, I reached twenty five and walked out the door.

I almost lost my breath. Twinkling lights were in every tree. A path of blue carpet led my way and flowers were everywhere. Small spotlights shone on the large bouquets that filled in between the trees. When I reached the tree lined path Carlisle stepped out and handed me a bouquet of long stemmed flowers to hold and offered me his arm.

I knew what Alice meant, it was sweet. He escorted me down the aisle as I tried to take it all in. A harp was playing beautiful music that echoed across the island. An altar was constructed out of flowers and lights and I saw a man in a long robe standing under the arch.

Then I saw him. Edward. Everything else disappeared.

He was wearing a midnight blue tux that fit his form perfectly. He looked like a model or a movie star. I wanted to run to him but my legs were shaking so badly I knew I wouldn't make it. Carlisle stopped and turned to me. I had to force myself to look away from Edward.

Carlisle smiled and lifted the thin veil to kiss me gently on the cheek. "Thank you," I whispered.

"My pleasure," he replied. He lifted my hand and held it out for Edward to take. I felt the familiar electric shock as he pulled me to him.

"You're beautiful, love."

"I love you, Edward."

We turned to the man in the robe. He began the marriage ceremony and I honestly couldn't hear a word he was saying. I only knew Edward was by my side and I would be his wife forever. When he asked if I would love, honor and cherish Edward I happily said "I do." Edward squeezed my hand and blew me a kiss.

When I heard Edward make his affirmation I felt tears fill my eyes. Next I felt him lift my hand and place his mother's ring and yet another small band of diamonds on my finger. When I began to lift his he looked at me with a confused expression.

I turned to Alice and she handed me the thick gold band. As I placed it on his finger I said, "Your grandfather and father wore this same ring. I place it on your finger with the same love their wives had."

Edward stared at the ring in shock then threw my veil back and pulled me to his lips. We were already kissing passionately when we were declared man and wife. Fireworks began exploding off the shore as everyone clapped in unison.

Alice was the first to congratulate us as I tried to thank her with all my heart. She just dismissed my gratitude and insisted she had all the fun planning it. Jasper was hugging Edward and talking mentally to him and I could see how much they loved each other. Emmett complimented me by telling me I looked hot, and Rosalie smacked him in the head.

The Denali's came up one by one to congratulate us and thank us for inviting them. Tanya hugged Edward just a little too long and a little too tightly. I don't know what she was saying to him mentally but he looked very embarrassed. I made sure to give him a long deep kiss as she stood in front of him.

We watched more fireworks, danced beneath the twinkling lights of the palm trees, and posed for hundreds of pictures. Alice insisted we cut a cake but I put my foot down when she wanted a picture of Edward taking a bite. I was not going to make him vomit up cake on our wedding day.

Carlisle poured me some wine and everyone else 'their' beverage and made a toast to Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. I drank the wine in one gulp and Emmett quickly poured me another. We had a total of six toasts when Edward took my glass away. I was grateful since my nose was starting to become numb.

My inhibitions were gone and all I could think about was the sexy man in my arms. I kissed him hard and he didn't pull away. I deepened the kiss and felt the ground give way. I thought I heard some laughter and well wishes but all I was focused on was Edward. He was carrying me quickly to our home.

We arrived at our house and Edward didn't stop to put me down outside the door. He carried me up the porch and over the threshold without breaking our kiss. I was gasping for air as I made a mess of his hair. He finally pulled away so I could breathe and I saw his eyes were totally black. I wasn't afraid.

I began taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt as he worked the buttons down my back. I knew we were going to have to slow down. If I ripped the gown Alice would be upset and it was going to take some maneuvering to get it over the pins in my hair. When he had it unbuttoned I stepped back so he could pull it carefully over my head.

I stood there wearing nothing but panties and a corset and I was right, Edward loved it. He looked down at my thigh and noticed the garter; his smile widened even more. I stepped up to whisper into his ear.

"Let's take a bath before we use the box in the fridge." I wanted some intimate time with my husband before the impending pain.

He seemed to hesitate, but finally nodded his head as he reached for the garter. I placed my foot on his knee and he slid it slowly down my leg. He removed both of my slippers and turned me around to untie the corset. I felt it fall to the ground and stepped forward to make my way into the bathroom and start the water.

Edward followed and stood in the doorway wearing only his pants. I turned to face him and he looked at my body with such love it gave me courage. I slowly slid my panties down my legs and hooked them with my toe tossing them to Edward. He caught them easily and I heard a rumble building in his chest. 

"It's okay Edward." I held my hand out for him.

He unbuttoned his pants and let them drop to the floor. He removed his boxers and came closer to me. I knew my heart sped up considerably as did his growls. They got louder but I didn't show any fear. I stepped into the tub and waited for him to do the same.

We sat with me leaning against his chest as the hot water quickly warmed his cold skin. I pulled his arms around me and tilted my head as he kissed my neck.

_He must bite you._

I sat up quickly startling Edward. "What? Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

I shook my head and leaned back but he could feel me shaking. "Bella, what's going on?"

"Are you going to change me tonight?" I asked, my voice betraying my confidence.

"Only when you're ready, I won't force you to do it."

"What if I want you to bite me?" I felt him instantly tense behind me.

I waited for him to answer.

He pushed me away and stood up. "What's going on, Bella?"

I stood to face him so he stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel. I noticed his hands were shaking and his eyes remained dark black.

"I'm asking you a hypothetical question, Edward. If I _wanted _you to bite me would you?"

He stormed out of the bathroom, so I followed him to the bedroom without covering myself. He was putting his pants back on and I knew he was going to leave. His control was slipping and he was going to run away instead of have this conversation with me.

"If I asked you to bite me would you do it?" I pushed.

"NO," he roared, as he stared at me incredulously.

_He must bite you._

I knew what I had to do. I was positive the syringe would not work. Elizabeth knew what she was talking about and everything I had done up to this point worked. I couldn't stop listening to her now.


	20. Chapter 20

_**How Could I Be So Wrong**_

_**20**_

"Okay, Edward, okay." I walked slowly toward him and I could see he was trembling; his control was tentative at best. "Just don't leave, it's our wedding night, please don't leave."

I held my arms out for him and he quickly scanned my nude body before folding himself around my frame and holding on tightly. His breathing was labored and I knew my lack of clothing was not helping. I pushed him back to our bed and he leaned his legs against the tall mattress with his head buried in my shoulder, his tense body refusing to lie down.

I let my hands wander over his bare back and heard him hiss. I moaned softly and felt his hands begin to wander over my body, and then quickly stop.

"Touch me Edward, we're married, you can touch me," I encouraged him.

He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around him. The rumble in his chest grew louder, so I pressed my body tightly against his bare torso.

"Make me stop, Bella," he begged. "Please, make me stop." I could hear the desperation in his voice and my heart ached at what I was going to do.

I arched my back moving my hand behind me, so I could slide it down to touch him intimately. He threw his head back, eyes shut tightly, as the growl escaped his mouth.

I pressed into him further until his hands began pulling at me. He was getting rough and the growls were growing in frequency. I was certain after I pushed him over the edge I would be able to bring him back before he killed me. I moaned loudly as my hand made contact with his skin beneath his pants.

His head snapped up to look at me. He was unrecognizable. His black eyes were crazed and his teeth were fully exposed from his pulled back lips. I could see the venom gleaming from his coated teeth. He was Edward the vampire, someone I had never seen before. I knew his control was gone and he was running on pure instinct. He sniffed deeply and his eyes were drawn to where our bodies connected at his waist.

I reached into my hair and pulled out a long pin, holding tightly to the end I pushed the sharp edge deeply across my neck a few inches under my ear. I felt the warm blood begin to flow down my skin.

In a movement too quick for me to register, Edward grabbed my hair with one hand and pulled my head roughly to the side, as he used his other hand to pull down on my arm, causing it to dislocate from the socket.

I heard myself scream but it was drowned out by the unnatural roar that erupted from his mouth. He bit down hard where my neck was bleeding and began sucking with such force I couldn't move. The room began to spin and I knew I had to stop him.

I could hear the sucking sound as he drew deep mouths full of blood into his throat. My legs and arms went slowly numb and I was fighting to stay conscious. I couldn't scream and I couldn't talk, but I could whisper and I knew he would be able to hear me, "Enough, Edward."

There was no response and he didn't pull away from my neck. His greatest fear was going to come true and I had done this to him. I made him kill me. He told me over and over he didn't have enough control to do this, but I didn't listen. He would spend eternity blaming himself for my death.

With my last breath I tried to help him understand he wasn't to blame. "I'm sorry I did this, and I forgive you, Edward." Then I cried out for the one person I hoped could help me. "Elizabeth," I whispered.

I was suddenly pushed to the ground and pain shot up my arm. I couldn't lift my head. My body felt like it was made of concrete. I could hear Edward panting as he tried to gain control. He was moving away from me as I lay in a twisted, abnormal, position. His howls started low but rose as he realized what happened. One last horrible sound ripped from his throat before he grabbed me off the ground.

I wanted to scream in pain but I didn't have enough energy. Edward ran from the house with me in his arms, but his feet kept tripping on themselves. He was jostling me as he tried his best to hang on. This wasn't like Edward; vampires could run at lightning speed but he was stumbling down the trail as if he were drunk.

"Carlisle," he began screaming. His voice was panicked and he was crying loudly in anguish. "Carlisle, I need you."

Yes, that's what we needed, Carlisle. He would know what to do. He would make everything better and we would laugh about this in later years. Edward's cries became weaker and I felt myself hit the ground in one last painful jolt.

I was struggling to stay awake. I knew in my mind that if I went to sleep it would be over. I tried to concentrate on Edward, but his agony was too painful to hear. He cried and screamed in torment as he remained rolled into a tight ball.

My body was freezing cold even though it was a warm night. I was shivering and each small shake sent pain screaming up to my shoulder. I wanted Edward to come wrap his body around me to shelter my nude form from the elements. But I couldn't call out to him and his crying drowned out my own.

"Bella," I heard Carlisle's voice. "My god, what happened." It wasn't a question but more of an exclamation.

"Emmitt, get her to the house," he instructed. I felt another stab of unbelievable pain as Emmitt lifted me off the jungle floor, then the sensation of flying, the running of a vampire that I had become accustomed to.

I couldn't hear Edward anymore. I had nothing to focus on and felt the darkness creeping in all around me. My head began to spin until everything went black.

I was slowly coming around and hoped it was all just a bad dream. As I began to feel stronger the pain was more noticeable. My neck ached; my head felt like hair had been ripped from the roots. My shoulder was strapped into place but it hurt every time I breathed. I opened my eyes to see I was hooked up to an I.V. again. I tried to call out for Edward but I couldn't.

I listened for any sounds but nobody seemed to be around. Why wasn't my skin burning like Edward said it would? Did they use the morphine? But if they did, why was my arm still hurt? I thought the venom would fix me as it spread.

Nothing made sense. I know Edward bit me. I heard the ripping sound as his teeth broke the skin. I felt the pain as he sucked the blood from my body. He also promised to stay by my side as I changed. Something was terribly wrong.

I licked my dry lips and just that motion hurt my sore neck. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled I called out in a very quiet whisper, "Edward."

The door opened slowly and I couldn't turn my head enough to see who was there. I lifted one finger and motioned for whoever it was to come closer. Slowly Jasper and Alice came into my line of sight. They looked like they were afraid… afraid of me. I took another deep breath and tried to say Edward's name again.

Jasper moved closer and checked the I.V. bag but Alice stayed back. I felt tears fall down the sides of my face and I stared at Jasper in desperation. Why wouldn't he speak to me? What had I done?

He did something to the bag and I felt the room begin to spin. I wanted to cry out for him to stop. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted my husband. I wanted to know what went wrong. Everything I wanted faded to black.

The next time I awoke the room was dark. I had more energy but still a lot of pain. I decided to try to talk again and licked my lips. My neck instantly felt the stabbing pain. "Edward" I called out much louder than before. I listened for any noise. "Edward!" This time even louder.

I heard the door open and footsteps coming towards me. It was Rosalie. She didn't look angry, she looked young, and hopeful, and apprehensive. Her features had softened somehow and she wasn't wearing any make up. She came to my bed and sat next to me.

I felt the tears fall again. I was just so happy to have one family member actually acknowledging me. "What happened?" I asked through the pain.

"Bella." She spoke very softly. "What did you do to Edward?"

"I made him bite me. He begged me not to do it but Elizabeth told me he had to bite me."

"Did she tell you why?" Rose moved closer to hear my response.

My voice was so quiet but I knew she could hear me. "I assumed the syringe wouldn't work."

Her eyes darted over to the door and she whispered to me, "It wouldn't have worked."

I held up my good hand and looked at it. "But why didn't I change?"

She reached out for my hand and held it tightly in hers, "Because you weren't the one who was supposed to change."

I couldn't understand what she was telling me. Nothing was making sense and the drugs were clouding my ability to think clearly.

"Where's Edward? Why isn't he here?"

She shook her head back and forth, "I don't know what's going on and Carlisle is beside himself, but Edward is at your house. I can hear him scream every once in a while. We just don't know what to do to help him."

"Bring him to me," I demanded. "Show him he didn't kill me."

She suddenly sat up straight and looked back at the door again, "I have to go, Bella. I'll come back when I can."

"No, Rosalie, don't leave me here. Take me to Edward," I begged, but she never came back.

I tried to roll onto my good shoulder but I ended up screaming from the pain. I broke out into a sweat and was crying in agony when Jasper came back to do something to the I.V.

"No, Jasper, please," I begged. The room began to spin and Rosalie's words became all jumbled.

I woke and it was light again. I could hear arguing coming from the front of the house somewhere. It sounded like Jasper and Emmett were in a fight. I moved my neck and it was stiff but not as painful as it was earlier.

I brought my good arm up to where my fingers were hanging out of the sling. I captured the I.V. needle between two fingers and pulled it from my arm. Now they couldn't just put me back to sleep. I put a handful of the sheet in my mouth and bit down as I lifted myself up using my stomach muscles. I tried not to cry out and bit down to stifle the pain.

Now that I was sitting up I could swing my legs around to the floor. I had to sit for a minute until the dizziness passed before I tried to stand. It actually felt better to stand. My shoulder didn't have so much pressure on it. I slowly shuffled my way out of the bedroom and into the hall.

I could hear voices on the front porch and tried to make my way out the back but the talking suddenly stopped. The door flew open and Jasper came in with Emmett closely behind him.

"Bella," Jasper yelled. "Get back in bed."

"Don't you touch me," I warned. "Where's Rosalie?"

The back door opened and Rose and Alice came in. I was stranded between two sets of very powerful vampires. I turned to face Rosalie, "Take me to Edward, please Rose, I am begging you. Take me to my husband."

Her eyes turned very sad and she looked at Emmett. I took a step towards her and Alice backed up away from me. I stopped walking and looked back at Jasper. "What's going on? Why are you guys afraid of me?"

"What did you do to Edward?" Jasper asked again. His eyes narrowed and I could feel the hatred radiating from him.

"I didn't do anything. I made him bite me but something went wrong. I didn't change. Edward thinks he killed me. I need to go to him."

Everyone looked at each other like they were not quite sure what to do. I finally turned to Jasper since he seemed to be the one in charge. "If I did something to him maybe I am the one who can help him. Please take me to him."

Jasper pulled out his cell phone and made a call. He was speaking so fast and so low I couldn't hear anything. My strength was fading so I had to lean against the wall for support. When he finished the call he nodded at Rose.

She easily lifted me trying to be careful of my shoulder but I winced anyway. When we hit the trail she began running. The others were close behind but stopped when we reached the porch.

I heard someone gasp but I wasn't sure who it was. They were looking at each other in stunned silence; obviously hearing something I couldn't. I wiggled for Rose to release me and then ran into the house.

Esme and Carlisle met me and steered me to the sofa. They both looked awful. Esme was silent but Carlisle seemed frantic. "Where's Edward?" I cried.

"I need some information first, Bella. You and Edward left, Jasper took the Denali's back to the mainland and then we heard Edward yelling for help. Fill in the rest for me."

I looked around the room but couldn't see any signs of Edward.

"Um…we took a bath, and I kept hearing Elizabeth telling me Edward had to bite me. We got into an argument and he was going to leave." I looked at their faces to see they were hanging on every word I said.

"I knew he was having trouble with his control so I pushed him further." I looked around the room again trying to find any sign of my husband.

"How did you push him?" Carlisle asked as if he was conducting an investigation.

My voice became very soft. "I used a hair pin to cut my neck." Esme gasped and her hand covered her mouth but her eyes stayed wide.

"What did Edward do?" Carlisle pressed for more information.

"He lost control and bit my neck. He didn't mean to dislocate my shoulder he was just trying to get better access to my neck." I tried to explain but they understood too well what I meant. "I knew he was taking too much blood, but I couldn't stop him."

Carlisle rubbed his hand over his face and exhaled deeply.

"Can I see him, Carlisle?"

He nodded toward the bedroom and I jumped up and ran toward the door. Emmett turned the knob for me and let me into the dark room. I reached for the light switch but Carlisle stopped me. "The light bothers his eyes."

I made my way in the dark to our bed and let out a sob when I laid eyes on Edward. He looked so different, his face was red and he was sweating, his eyes were sunken, and he looked emaciated. I reached out to touch him and his skin was hot.

Then I saw it….at the base of his neck….just above his collar bone, a vein pulsing from the beat of his heart.

I screamed as I backed up, almost tripping over my own feet. I felt like the room was closing in on me. I began hyperventilating and reached out for Rosalie who was standing next to me.

"He's alive. He's human!"

She nodded in agreement, her eyes wide with hope. I looked around the room trying to make sense of everything. Alice looked terrified and moved closer to Jasper. I turned to Carlisle and his face was unreadable. "What's wrong with him?"

"His body is fighting the venom in his system. I don't understand what is going on. The venom should be rendering the blood useless." Carlisle was talking more to himself than to me. "If I can't control the fever, if it goes much higher, he will suffer brain damage."

I turned back to Edward and heard in my mind what needed to be done. Elizabeth was instructing me on this, so it must have been part of the plan all along.

"He needs fluids." I spun around to Carlisle again. "You know what to do, you're a doctor. Treat him as you would any human, he needs electrolytes."

Carlisle looked confused and almost a little scared. "I tried to place an I.V. but his skin was too tough. Maybe I should try again," he said to himself before he turned and ran.

"Rose, bring me a wet towel. Emmett, get ice from the freezer and wrap it in towels."

I climbed up onto the bed next to Edward and began removing the blankets covering him. I left the sheet in place and started running the wet cloth over his hot skin. He moaned lightly. "I'm here Edward, I'm here. You're going to be fine. Fight for me baby. You can do this."

I began placing the towels of ice under his arm pits. Rose was watching everything I did with fascination while the others backed away from me. Carlisle was back with an I.V. and everyone left the room while he placed the needle in Edward's arm. I was hoping his condition would change instantly, but he continued to look exactly the same. I rolled onto my side to lie down next to him and waited.

Carlisle came in every hour to check his temperature. It remained the same for awhile but began to slowly fall as the day wore on. I drifted in and out of sleep and made sure I continued to keep myself hydrated.

_I was dreaming of school. Edward was there but he wouldn't speak to me. I kept trying to apologize to him but his stares of hatred continued. I ran through the hallway after him only managing to catch glimpses of his retreating form. Exhausted, I finally fell to the ground in despair. _

"_Bella," a scratchy voiced called. I looked around the school but I couldn't find the voice. _

"_Bella, are you here?" _

"_I'm here," I called to the phantom voice. "I can't find you."_

"I'm right next to you." I felt a warm hand reach out for me. I jumped awake when it touched my knee. "Edward," I cried when I saw his face looking at me.

He was no longer flushed but he was pale; not like his vampire skin, but pale like he was ill. I put my palm against his cheek and gasped when I saw his eyes. They were green. He had beautiful green eyes!

"I'm so sorry, Edward. Can you forgive me?"

He seemed confused and his eyes were darting around the room is shock. His breathing was picking up pace and I was afraid he would hyperventilate. I slowly sat up and pulled his face towards me. "Listen Edward, what do you hear?"

He was still for a moment. "Nothing, I hear nothing," he said in a panic. Each word brought a confused look across his face, as if he didn't recognize his own voice.

I took his hand and placed it over his heart. "What do you feel?"

He sat still and when the steady beat of his living heart finally registered, tears began to fall from his beautiful eyes. "What happened to me?" He was so choked up he could barely speak.

"I changed _you_. My blood made you human." I looked down in shame. I had chosen to change for Edward, but he didn't make the decision to become human for me. Once again his will was taken from him.

"That…is…not…possible." He didn't sound exactly angry but he made it clear he was not in the mood for jokes.

"When your mother asked me to help save you I misunderstood. She wanted me to bring your humanity back and I thought that meant she wanted you to have a mate. I didn't understand Edward, please don't hate me." I felt the tears fall from my eyes down my cheeks.

His eyes closed and I felt my heart stagger in fear. Was I finally going to lose him? Was my ignorance, which led to betrayal, enough for him to push me away forever?

Carlisle came into the room and I noticed Rosalie standing just outside the doorway. He took Edward's temperature and blood pressure. "You were right Bella, he only needed fluids. I was so used to thinking of Edward as a vampire that human medicine didn't enter my mind."

Edward looked up at him with pleading eyes. Carlisle placed his palm along Edward's jaw and smiled at him. "You had us very worried, son."

Tears began to fall again from his beautiful eyes. "Is it true father?" His voice was so young and pleading, my heart broke watching the scene play out. Edward was desperate to keep his relationship with the only father he had known for ninety years.

"You are indeed human. I don't know what this means, I've no experience with this sort of thing."

Edward took a shaky breath and placed his hand back over his heart. I heard his stomach growl and he instantly moved his hand to his abdomen. I climbed off the bed and headed to the kitchen for a yogurt. Rosalie blocked my path when I tried to return.

"Bella, change me," she demanded. "Make me human again, please."


	21. Chapter 21

_**21**_

_**Helpless Human**_

Rosalie's request surprised me so much my mouth fell open. I looked at Emmett; his eyes expressed so much pain. He was losing his love and there was nothing he could do about it. Alice fell into Jasper's arms and hid her face in his chest.

I was tearing apart a family. They had accepted me so completely and I was the cause of their destruction. I moved away from Rose without speaking and returned to Edward. I climbed up next to him and tried to open the yogurt with my good hand.

Carlisle finally reached out to help me. I put a small amount on the spoon and offered it to Edward. He looked at it with revulsion and wouldn't open his mouth. "You have to eat something Edward, and Puma is not an option anymore."

He looked at Carlisle and received a nod of approval. He parted his lips and tasted the yogurt. His stomach immediately recoiled and he gagged on the small amount of food. "I'm so sorry Edward, it will take time to get used to it, but you have to start trying."

Tears began to fall down his face again and my heart broke a little more. "Can you remember being human?" I asked him.

He thought for a moment and then shook his head up and down. "Can you remember anything you liked to eat?"

"Eggs," he finally said, "I used to like scrambled eggs."

I smiled in appreciation. "I'll make you some eggs if you promise to at least try to eat them."

"Can we wait a bit?" he pleaded.

"Sure," I handed Carlisle the yogurt and snuggled up close to Edward as he left the room.

Edward looked at the sling and raised his eyebrows. I wasn't about to tell him he had pulled my arm out of the socket. "You know how clumsy I can be."

He put his arm around me gently and closed his eyes. "Everything feels so different."

"You don't have to be careful anymore Edward. You can hold me tightly if you want."

His grip increased and I cried out. "Well, maybe you will have to be careful for a little bit longer."

We remained tangled in each other's arms and legs quietly for awhile. "What happened?" he finally asked. "I don't remember anything."

I took a deep breath. "I made you bite me and it didn't turn out the way I expected."

"Let me see," he asked, so I sat up and turned my bruised neck to show him.

He noticed it was the same side as my shoulder injury. He lightly ran his fingers from my neck to my shoulder. "I did this didn't I?"

"Not on purpose, and it was my entire fault. I pushed you to do something you didn't want to do."

He closed his eyes trying to shut out the pain. I leaned in close and put my lips on his. I kissed him gently, but it was the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. His lips weren't hard like stone, they weren't cold and unfeeling. He didn't have to measure the pressure he used. He could simply feel it, experience my mouth against his for the first time.

I pulled back to look at him. His hands moved into my hair and he held my face above his.

"Do you still love me, Edward? I asked. "After doing this to you, can you still love me?"

"Yes, I still love you. I'm having a hard time processing what is happening to me. I can't smell you and I can't hear anything. I feel lost."

"You're not lost, you're here with me. We're together and we can work this out."

Carlisle returned and pulled up a chair to sit close to the bed. "We need to discuss the ramifications of what happened."

One by one the others filed into the bedroom. Rosalie climbed up and sat right next to me while the others surrounded the bed.

Carlisle sat for a moment gathering his thoughts. "Well," he began. "I need to get blood samples from both of you. Obviously Edward's venom had no effect on you. We need to see if his blood is now impervious to venom also."

"You mean we can't change him back?" Alice asked in shock.

"Change him back?" Rose screamed. "Are you insane, of course we wouldn't change him back."

"You don't know what Edward wants Rosalie. Don't speak for him," Alice seethed.

Carlisle ignored their exchange. "I won't know the answer to that until I look at his blood. I also need to find out how much blood is necessary to begin the process. We don't know if this is permanent either."

"Experiment on me," Rose offered. Emmett moved closer to where Rosalie was sitting and looked at her lovingly. I reached out and touched her arm causing her to look at me.

"Don't leave Emmett out of this conversation Rosalie. He loves you very much."

She looked over at him and dropped her eyes. He scooted next to her on the bed and she leaned her back against his large chest.

"We have to look at what this means in the long term." Carlisle's forehead was creased, deep in thought. "First of all we have to worry about the Volturi; they are expecting to hear about Bella's change."

Alice gasped as she stared at nothing. "They will kill Edward if they find out. They won't allow him to live knowing what he knows. I can't see Bella but I can see Edward won't survive if we tell them."

"Why can she see Edward, if he has my blood in him?" I asked.

"Your ability to block our gifts was long before you spoke to Elizabeth," Carlisle explained. "It was something you were born with, not something acquired."

"Carlisle, we have to change him back or the Volturi will kill him," Alice demanded.

"Can't we explain about Elizabeth?" I interrupted. "It wasn't Edward's fault, can't they see that?"

The tension suddenly became very palpable. Alice was practically bouncing off the walls and Rosalie was growing angrier. Carlisle finally spoke. "We have a year. I will call Aro and tell him the change has been made and we need to keep Bella here for a year until she can control her thirst."

"I want to be changed, Carlisle," Rose spoke up. "I didn't get to choose before, I want to choose now, you owe me that much."

She turned to Emmett and pulled his face to hers. "Will you change with me? Will you become human with me?"

"I go where you go babe," he answered matter-of-factly.

Alice huffed. "That puts your life at risk too. The Volturi will not stand for this. Tell them Carlisle." Alice was becoming hysterical.

"We need to go slowly." He attempted to be the voice of reason. "First let's see what happens with Edward. Maybe this was unique just to him." I saw Rosalie's head fall in disappointment.

Carlisle asked them to leave so he could draw blood from both of us. When he was finished Edward reached out for Carlisle's hand. "My stomach hurts very badly. I keep having stabbing pains and I feel very uncomfortable." Carlisle began pushing carefully on Edward's stomach. When he pushed on his bladder Edward grimaced.

Carlisle smiled and I turned my head to hide my amusement. "I think you'll be just fine, son. Okay, I'll head back to the main house and let Bella take care of you. I'll come again and check on you before nightfall."

"Can you stand?" I asked realizing I wouldn't be able to assist him.

"I'm not sure, I feel so light, so weak."

"Okay, we'll use a jar." I began climbing off the bed.

"A jar for what?" He looked so confused.

"You need to urinate, Edward. Your bladder is full and it is causing you pain."

His eyes went wide and his face turned bright red.

"Hallelujah," I yelled into the air. "It is about time I am not the only one constantly humiliated."

His eyes filled with tears and I felt a stab of guilt for teasing him when he was obviously having a hard time dealing. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"This is too much," he cried out. "And I am finding all of this so…disgusting." 

"Peeing you find disgusting but drinking the blood of a polar bear is fine." I walked out to retrieve a jar while shaking my head.

When I returned Edward was standing and holding on to the bed frame with one hand and the I.V. bag with the other. "Where do you think you are going?" I asked.

"I used a toilet for sixteen years of my life; I think I can figure it out again." 

"Fine." I crossed my arms. "Who's going to hold the I.V.? You're not steady enough to stand unassisted and you are going to need one hand to hold….you know." I could feel my face redden.

He reached up and did the same thing I had done hours earlier; he pulled the needle from his arm and dropped the bag onto the floor. Holding onto furniture and walls he slowly walked across the house to the bathroom.

I decided to push the eggs if he was going to do without the fluids and electrolytes. I was just about finished cooking them when he emerged from the bathroom. "Feel better?"

He rolled his eyes and didn't answer but he was walking a lot steadier. "Sit at the table. I have your eggs ready and I'll eat with you."

I poured him a glass of juice and a glass of milk, not knowing which he would prefer. I salted and peppered the eggs and silently prayed he would be able to tolerate them. I stuck a small mound of eggs with his fork and put it to his mouth. He slowly opened and made a face while he chewed, but kept them down.

He tried the juice but it was too sweet and he instantly pushed it away; he tolerated the milk much better. I was happy with his progress although he ate very little and only drank a fourth of his milk.

We moved to the couch and sat on opposite ends so we could each lean back on the armrests, but our feet were contently touching. We both fell sound asleep.

I awoke to the sound of Edward snoring. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. I wished I had a tape recorder to capture the soft rumbling.

My arm was aching and I began hoping Carlisle would show up soon with more pain medication. I carefully rose from the couch and made my way to the bathroom. I stared at the large tub and decided a relaxing bath would be perfect.

It took longer than I thought to get the arm sling off of me and I had to support my arm with my other hand. I stared at the tub and had no idea how I would manage to step into it without a hand to steady myself. I was just about to give up when the door opened and Edward stepped into the room.

He wasn't wearing anything and we both turned red and dropped our eyes. "Can I help you with the bath?" he offered.

I nodded so he held onto my elbow to balance me as I stepped into the wonderful water. He followed and moaned loudly as the water swirled around his body. He reached up and steadied my hips as I sat in front of him. Slowly, I leaned back into him. He kept his arms on the rim of the tub so he wouldn't hurt my shoulder.

After soaking for a while he took a wash cloth and began squeezing water into my hair. When it was sufficiently wet he put some shampoo in his hand. "Ahhh," he sighed. "This smells familiar."

It was heaven the way he worked the shampoo into lather. He kept stopping to take a deep whiff of my hair. When he finished rinsing the soap out I moved back against his chest. "I wish I could do that for you. Do you know how long my shoulder will be out of commission?"

"Everyone heals differently, but around 4 weeks is the average. Of course, you can begin doing simple things when you feel up to doing them."

"Simple things like what?"

"Like shampooing your hair or holding your husband."

"Mmm, that's pretty good incentive. But of course, you have to get your strength up, too."

"For what?" he said with his lips against my hair.

"For things like, taking walks and pleasuring your wife."

"Yes," he said softly, "That is going to take an awful lot of strength."

"Not a very good honeymoon is it?" I laughed.

"I'm not complaining," he whispered as he bent down to softly kiss my good shoulder.

We finally pulled ourselves from the bliss of the bathtub and Edward helped me put on one of his sleeveless t-shirts and some shorts. He threw on a simple pair of shorts and kept staring at his own chest.

"A little vain there, aren't you Cullen?" I teased.

"No, I'm actually very worried about how I'm going to maintain this physique. It looks like a lot of work."

"I'll love you no matter how fat and out of shape you get." I kissed his chest lightly.

"At least have a little faith in me," he laughed.

"Are you offering me the same leeway? When I get fat from having k….." I stopped instantly. I looked at Edward and he was staring in disbelief back at me.

I put my hand over my mouth and tears sprang to my eyes. Edward had the same reaction as his tears spilled over and down his cheeks. 

"I'm going to have your children," I said in astonishment.

A slow grin grew on his face until he was laughing hysterically. I instantly thought of Rosalie. Now, I understood why she wanted to be changed so desperately.

He placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled me in tenderly for a kiss. When he pulled back he looked sad. "I miss the sound of your heart racing when I kiss you."

I put my hand on his heart and could feel it lightly beating. "This makes it all worth it."

I ran my hand up his chest and around his neck pulling him back to my lips. My pain disappeared and the only thing I could think about was Edward's body against mine.

A soft knock was heard on the door.

Edward laughed as I sighed in anger. They really did have a knack for showing up at the most inopportune times.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett came in. They were surprised to see Edward up and around. I informed Carlisle of his success at eating as we all sat down and began the difficult conversation we were dreading.

"We need to consider a few things," Carlisle began, "Edward would you want to change back if it was at all possible? 

"My life is with Bella now." I noticed how he didn't directly answer the question.

Carlisle nodded and continued. "Since Bella's blood cannot be affected we now have to assume yours can't either. That makes you extremely dangerous in the eyes of the Volturi."

"Why?" I interjected.

"If anyone were to bite you they would change. Or if anyone gained access to your blood they could wipe out the vampire world."

"Can't we just disappear; I mean, go off on our own where they couldn't find us?"

Edward reached over and took my hand. "No, Bella, they would go after my family if I ran."

I looked at Rosalie and Emmett and back to Carlisle and Esme. "Do you guys want to change?"

"Yes," Rose quickly answered, "I do and Emmett agreed to do whatever I've decided."

I looked at Carlisle. He held Esme's hand and lifted his shoulders. "We're not sure. I have been able to help a lot of people by using my heightened senses in my medical practice. But I must admit part of my indecision is due to fear. I have lived this way so long and it is all I know."

"But you would never have to move. You could develop relationships with other people. You would never have to hide in the bright sun."

"And if I don't, I will lose my family," Carlisle added.

"Never," Edward insisted, "I won't let that happen."

Carlisle smiled at him and continued. "Edward, you will age. You will be a father and grandfather and you will center your life around your family….exactly as it should be."

"That doesn't mean you can't be part of it." I noticed Edward's hand begin to shake.

"Son," he said gently, "how would you explain us to your posterity? It would just put them in danger."

"Then we all change," Rosalie kneeled in front of Carlisle. "Please father, don't let us move on without you."

Carlisle held her face in his hands, "My beautiful Rosalie, someone has to protect you. I won't let the Volturi guard come after you. I must remain to fight them."

"No," I screamed. "No, there has to be another way. There has to be something we could offer them for our freedom. Something they would find more valuable."

Esme gasped and jumped to her feet. They all looked at each other and Emmett growled as they ran from the room. Edward jumped up but didn't attempt to run with them.

"What's wrong Edward? What happened?"

"Alice," he groaned. "The Volturi will want Alice."


	22. Chapter 22

_**Didn't See This Coming**_

22

It had been two months since our wedding. Edward was finding some things about being human again frustrating and other things rewarding. He hated traveling at such a slow speed and not being able to swim without breathing; simple things like carrying me became difficult. The hardest adjustment was losing every game he played. But, he loved being intimate with me and tasting new foods, little accomplishments gave him so much joy.

One of the jet skis stopped working and I noticed when he tried to lift it out of the water, his face was riddled with disappointment. Emmett carried it ashore and Edward worked on it all evening. When the engine finally roared to life he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

It was two weeks after his change before we finally made love. I decided to make Edward a candlelight dinner. We didn't have a working kitchen so it had to be stuff that didn't require heating.

I made a plain cake at the main house. Edward didn't like sweet things so I left off the icing. I put together a fruit salad, and a garden salad with fresh crab meat, and chilled some champagne. I wasn't planning on anything happening, I just wanted a romantic meal with my husband.

He sat across from me with his newly tanned skin glowing from the candles. His green eyes still managed to take my breath away. "I like this," he announced holding up a piece of cantaloupe.

"Try this one." I offered him a piece of papaya.

"Yes," he grinned. "I like that one, too."

"Okay, how about this one." I held out a piece of pineapple.

"I know that one is pineapple" he said as he popped it in his mouth. He instantly spit it into the napkin. "Ew, that is awful." He grabbed his champagne and emptied the glass. I quickly poured him another.

"Let me feed you," he said as he offered me half of a strawberry. He held it just out of reach of my mouth. I leaned over to his hand but he pulled back. I looked at him in surprise and headed for the strawberry again.

This time he pulled it back to his side of the table. I crawled from my chair to follow it when he suddenly placed it on his tongue. He expected me to stop, but I dove right at him and sucked the strawberry from his tongue.

He looked at me in shock and then pulled me to his lap kissing me aggressively. When we finally broke for air he asked, "How's the arm?"

"What arm?" I attacked his mouth once more. He was panting and moving his hands all over my body, not knowing what to pay attention to first. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it quickly over his head.

He moaned and moved us out of the chair and onto the floor next to the table. We were moving frantically making up for lost time. Articles of clothing were being tossed in the air with no idea where they were landing. We couldn't get enough of each other, slow and careful was not part of our vocabulary. It was rushed and frenzied and nothing was ever so glorious.

Our need was all we could concentrate on. I didn't feel any pain and there was no hesitation on Edward's part. My legs pulled him to me and kept him locked in place. His frenzied movements were not a choreographed dance of skilled lovers, learned from years of practice. We were two newlyweds giving ourselves over to instinct and reveling in the loss of conscious thought.

Our screams of ecstasy were almost screams of pain; pain that it was ending so quickly and it was so much more overwhelming than what we could articulate. My arms fell limply onto the ground as Edward collapsed to the side of me.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm sure that wasn't what you had in mind for our first time." He was trying to apologize but his smile wasn't fading.

"You're right, I thought it would be drawn out and painful, not hot and mind blowing!" I smiled back at him still trying to catch my breath.

"That was mind blowing?" he laughed.

"It was for me," I admitted. "We're you disappointed?"

"Hell no, it was so much more than I expected!"

"Edward you cussed," I laughed in shock.

"I'm sorry, that was wrong of me."

"Actually, it was very hot." I descended on him with deep kisses and we headed for round two on the kitchen floor again.

The only hole in our perfect existence was the fact we lost a piece of our family. We both missed Alice and Jasper terribly. They left one night without telling anyone. We didn't find a note but we did notice vials of our blood missing.

Rosalie made the change first. Carlisle filled a glass with only one syringe of my blood. The total transformation took 22 hours. It was less painful than Edward's change and she didn't become nearly as sick. It seemed quantity caused more problems.

We were now going to change Emmett.

"Okay Rosie," he said in jest. "This is your last chance for some vamp lovin!"

"I've had plenty of that; I'm ready for some simple Emmett McCarty lovin!" She leaned into his large body and kissed him as hard as she possibly could.

He turned to Carlisle and pulled him into a tight hug against his huge frame, then pulled Esme in with them. I heard him speak as he buried his head between the two of them.

"You've made me a better man than I ever was when I was alive. I hope I can continue to make you proud."

Esme kissed him several times on the cheek before holding his face in her hands. "You will always be my teddy bear boy. I love you, son."

I had to turn away, I couldn't watch any longer. The pain in Carlisle and Esme's eyes diminished the hope in Rosalie's.

Carlisle used a syringe filled with Edward's blood to give Emmett to drink. This would be our first conclusive test to see if Edward's blood could restrain the effects of venom.

Emmett reacted immediately; he fell to the floor and screamed so loudly I had to cover my ears. Then his foot shot out and swept across the ground connecting with Edward, knocking him from his feet, only to stop moving completely.

We were all watching in horror when Emmett finally sat up and roared in laughter. "Thought your blood was diseased there, didn't you bro?" He joked.

Rosalie smacked his head but she ended up hurting her own hand, so Esme smacked him for her.

"You can be such a jerk, sometimes," I yelled at him and left the house.

Edward followed me but he couldn't hold back his laughter. "Come on Bella, you have to admit it was funny."

"Hurting your family is not funny to me, Edward. Look at what I have done." I melted against his chest and began to cry. "Esme is in so much pain, I can see it in her eyes. She is so worried about Alice and Jasper." My sobs grew louder. "I miss them, too."

"Alice and Jasper made their choice. It would have been cruel to have made them stay. Jasper has such a hard time resisting human blood. If he wanted to remain a vampire he couldn't have stayed with us." He tried to calm me.

"But they never would have had to make that choice if I would have just told Elizabeth no. I would be worm food and you would all be happy."

"No, Bella," he insisted with a serious tone. "I was never happy. I wasn't happy until the day I dragged you into my house with that drawing of my mother." He pulled my chin up to look into my eyes. "I can't imagine life without you. I love you."

I continued crying but for a different reason. I loved Edward so much and I couldn't believe after all the trouble I had caused him he still loved me. I began unbuttoning his shirt and he grabbed my wrists with his hands. "Right here?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I pulled him into the thick covering of the trees, "Yes, right here, I think the others will be preoccupied for a while."

The one thing I would never grow tired of was Edward's body. He gave so willingly and expected nothing in return. He was always so amazed when I wanted to please him and so grateful for anything I was willing to do. I never felt pressured or obligated. He seemed totally oblivious to what a wonderful lover he was. I am sure living a century being able to hear others thoughts gave him a wealth of knowledge to pull from. His sincere innocence made him all the more desirable.

I was sitting on top him looking at his contented face when something came to mind. I grabbed the pile of clothes he had by his feet and ran as fast as I could.

"Bella!" he screamed after me as I ran quickly into the surf. I held his clothes above my head and put my hand up cautioning him to stop.

"This is a horrible habit you're developing. Give me my pants or you'll be sorry," he took a step towards me.

I lowered the clothes closer to the water. "Stay back or the clothes get it?" I laughed.

He ran towards me as I lowered the clothes beneath the surf and screamed. His long arms caught me just when I tried to swim away and pulled me against him. We both went under as he pulled his feet off the sandy bottom. I spit water in his face when we surfaced and wrapped my legs around his waist as he laughed.

"Bella, you know how I'm a doctor and everything?" he said while he moved us into deeper water.

"Is this a checkup?"

"Don't distract me," he moaned. "I have noticed something."

"What have you noticed Dr. Cullen?" I kissed his nose.

"That since we have been married you haven't had a period."

I instantly tensed and looked into his hopeful eyes trying to remember when the last time I used the stash of tampons under the sink.

"Do you think I'm pregnant?" I was suddenly very afraid. What if I couldn't have children; what if our blood made it impossible to get pregnant?

"You don't seem to have any symptoms but there is only one way to find out. Would you like me to have Carlisle run a blood test?"

"Can't we just use one of those pee stick thingies?"

"We could, but a blood test is much more reliable."

"Can you do it? I really don't want the others to know if it is not positive. I would hate for Rosalie to get her hopes up."

"Why don't we go on a date to the mainland and we can stop by a clinic?"

The rest of the evening I was jittery. I just wanted to know one way or another. I couldn't decide if I wanted it to be positive or negative. I wanted to have Edward's children but I wasn't sure I should bring a child into the mess we were in.

We stopped by the main house before we left and Emmett was just starting to show signs of a fever. Rosalie reminded me of Alice the way she was hopping around. Carlisle and Esme seemed resigned.

A driver picked us up at the dock, but in a jeep this time. We stopped at a Brazilian restaurant and we found out Edward is a carnivore. He loved all the meat dishes and any vegetable that was bland.

Next, we stopped by a small clinic attached to a rundown hospital. I had my blood drawn and was given a number to call the following day. We stopped off at the same club we had danced at before and each ordered a margarita, mine was virgin in case the test was positive. It felt good having Edward eat and drink alongside me. It was always uncomfortable before.

When a slow song began he took my hand and led me to the dance floor. I could smell the sweat coming from Edward's skin. I ran my hand up the back of his shirt and felt his hot flesh. I loved that feeling, he was alive, and he was mine.

We moved together refusing to let an inch of space come between us. I could tell Edward was getting excited so I put my hands on the small of his back and pulled him closer to me. He moaned in my ear and licked the scar on my neck. 

"Let's get out of here," I whispered.

I turned and Edward stayed right up against me as we headed to the exit. Someone reached out and grabbed Edward by the shoulder.

"Hey you two, how's it going?"

"Hi Jake," I smiled. Edward put out his hand to shake Jacob's. He was with Leah again but I didn't see any of his other friends. 

"Wow, you look different," he said to Edward.

"He finally took enough time off to get a tan," I offered quickly.

"Yeah, it looks good on you. Are you two married?"

"Yes, two months now." I held up my hand to show off my rings.

"So, just hanging with us kids tonight?" Jake laughed.

Edward looked at me while he answered. "We're kind of celebrating."

"Let's have a round of drinks then," Jake motioned to the bartender.

"We really can't Jake, our boat leaves soon. We are here with our family," I apologized. Edward gave me a reproving look.

When we got outside I turned to defend myself. "I can tell a fib if it means I get to spend time alone with my husband. Plus I didn't want to explain why I wasn't drinking."

When we got back to the island we stopped by to check on Emmett. He was sitting up smiling but his temperature was very high and he was starting to sweat. I couldn't tell a difference in his skin but Carlisle's heightened senses could. Rosalie was absolutely ecstatic.

We walked into our house and I stopped Edward's hand from turning on the lights. I pushed him up against the door, leaning my body into his as I kissed him passionately.

He let his head fall back against the wood as I kissed my way down his body. When I began unfastening his pants he spun me around so I was now backed against the door.

"I recall you asking me a question regarding what I would do to you if we were married."

He began kissing his way down my body and onto his knees. When he lifted one of my legs and placed it on his shoulder I began repeating in my mind…._nobody interrupt us…nobody interrupt us_. I honestly believe I would be capable of murder if any one of the Cullens knocked on the door.

He H

By morning Emmett had an I.V. and was tasting food. He seemed to like everything. I think it is going to cost them a lot in food to keep Emmett satisfied. We all sat around his bed and began discussing the differences of human vs. vampire life.

When Edward began telling Emmett how awful using the bathroom was I snuck out of the room to make a phone call. When I came back the conversation was deep into the various bodily noises humans could make. Emmett was howling in laughter and Esme was chastising him like a small child.

I looked at Edward and he seemed so happy. I didn't know if I should interrupt his joy or not. We talked with the family for half an hour and headed out to do some skiing. I drove the boat as Edward practice going back and forth across the wake. He was determined to become just as proficient as he was as a vampire.

When he finally climbed back into the boat exhausted and breathing heavy he handed me the tow rope. "Your turn, I promise to go slow."

"I don't want to try today, Edward."

"Okay, is there something you want to do instead?"

"Not really, I think I better take it easy for a few months."

He began wrapping the tow rope around the slip and securing the ski when it finally hit him. He whipped around to look at me and narrowed his eyes. "Did you make a phone call this morning, Bella?"

"Yes, Daddy, I did!"

Edward doubled over placing the palms of both hands together as if he were praying. "Thank you, God, thank you!" He finally stood and lifted me by my waist as he hollered into the air. "Thank you, God!"

He kissed me passionately and fell to his knees kissing my stomach. "You take it easy in there buddy and go easy on your mom. We love you already."

My tears fell from my face onto his hand pressed against my stomach.


	23. Chapter 23

_**The Ground Fell Out From Under **_

_**23**_

We chose not to tell the family right away about our good news. We were all dealing with so much and Edward and I wanted to keep the pending birth just between us for a while longer.

Emmett was finding it very easy to ease back into human life. He took everything in stride just like he always did. Rosalie seemed happier than she'd ever been. She looked at Emmett in a whole new way and I could tell she had fallen in love with him all over again.

We were sitting on the veranda on a rainy day when Carlisle's phone rang. He looked distressed and walked into the house to talk. After a few moments Esme excused herself and followed him.

"What do you think it is?" Edward asked Emmett.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked back toward the house. I suddenly had a bad feeling. I couldn't say it was a premonition; we were just due for some bad luck. Rosalie and I both stood at the same time and headed for the door.

Carlisle had his head in his hands and Esme was wrapped around him speaking in his ear.

"Mom," Rosalie called.

Esme didn't respond. My heart dropped into my stomach and I reached for Edward.

Carlisle finally looked at us. His eyes said it all. Something awful had happened.

Edward took a step toward him and stopped. "Alice," he said as he slowly sunk into a chair.

I was quickly becoming hysterical. "What?" I looked at everyone trying to get someone to speak. "What," I screamed.

"Alice went to Italy." Carlisle choked on the words. "She offered herself to save us."

"No," I cried and instinctively put my hands on my stomach. Rosalie's eyes followed my hands and then grew wide in understanding.

"We have to leave here," Carlisle said in a panic. "Pack as quickly as you can and we have to separate."

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

Everyone started moving quickly, closing everything up and throwing things into bags. I reached out to stop Edward from his frenzied packing.

"Where's Jasper, Edward? Tell me what's going on."

"We have to get out of here Bella; I will fill you in later. Just grab what you need."

The only thing that meant anything to me was my marriage license and Edward had already grabbed our personal files. I threw a few clothes in my suitcase and we headed to the boat.

Everyone was so distraught and I hated being left in the dark, but I didn't want to add to the heavy sadness, so I sat quietly. When we reached the port a car and a driver was waiting. I noticed Carlisle hand the man a large wad of cash when he dropped us off at the airport.

Carlisle, Edward and Emmett went to different counters purchasing tickets to various locations, then huddled together talking privately out of ear shot of me and Rose. When they came back we all stood in a circle emotionally distraught. Rosalie and I began to cry.

"Be strong, for Alice," Carlisle demanded. "We will figure this out and we will be together soon. Edward, Emmett, take care of your family, be the men we raised you to be."

He kissed us quickly and took Esme's hand and pulled her away.

I turned to Edward feeling totally exposed and completely lost. His eyes were unreadable and I figured he was trying to remain brave. He slapped Emmett on the back and kissed Rose on the cheek. Without saying a word we all separated.

He didn't say anything to me and I noticed we were boarding a flight for Chicago. We sat in first class and had the row to ourselves. When the plane took off he seemed to relax.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked him.

He put on the best smile he could manage. "Home." I only nodded but I had no idea what he was talking about. I suddenly felt nauseous and I didn't know if it was due to the emotional turmoil or if my pregnancy was kicking in at the most inopportune time.

I spent the entire flight gnawing on crackers and trying to get the plane to stop spinning. I slept off and on but never really got into a deep sleep. I could tell Edward was frustrated but he was doing a good job of remaining calm.

When we landed at O'Hare we caught a cab and Edward gave the driver an address. I looked at the huge city passing by until we finally pulled onto a quaint, tree lined road. The cab stopped in front of a stately manor with a large sprawling front lawn. It was old, but perfectly restored.

Edward grabbed our bags and paid the driver. I followed him around to the back of the house where he opened a box attached to the trim and removed a key.

He unlocked the back door and put our bags inside before turning to me. He lifted me off my feet and carried me through the doorway, "Welcome home Mrs. Cullen, and Junior," he smiled at my stomach.

"This is our house?" My eyes were bugging out.

"This is my family home; I was raised here. It passed to me when my parents died. I've kept it in perfect condition and rented it over the years."

Edward finally began to breakdown as he spoke. He had been trying so hard to be practical and brave, the vampire he used to be. Walking into his childhood home as a human was his breaking point.

His body began to shake, so I pulled him tightly to me. His head sank into my neck and loud sobs broke from his mouth as he let his fear and sorrow spill out. I rocked him back and forth making empty promises. "We'll be okay. Everything will work out, as long as we're together, everything will be fine."

It seemed like an hour before he finally lifted his head and took a steadying breath. I stared into his incredible eyes searching for reassurance myself. He smiled softly and kissed me; pouring so much love into his kiss I couldn't help but have faith.

"Take a look around, Mrs. Cullen. This is your home now."

It was the perfect distraction from the anxiety inside me. I began wandering around the huge home. It seemed lifeless. It needed children and noise to make it real. I found the perfect room for the nursery right off the master bedroom. Edward said it had been his father's office.

He watched me walk around oohing and aahing over everything with a smile on his face. Most of the furniture was perfect for a grand estate, but some of it would have to go.

"What do we tell the neighbors?" I asked as I came back to reality.

"I'm a descendent of the Masens and the house has been passed through my family. It is pretty much true."

He kissed my head and told me to follow him. We walked from the house to a large garage where he punched in a code and the doors began rising. It was full of cars.

"Pick one," he gestured with his hand.

I walked closer to look at them. "Edward." I laughed at the idiocy of the whole thing. "These are really expensive cars."

He nodded in agreement. "I guess I should tell you we are pretty wealthy." He was smiling smugly.

"Yeah, the private island kind of gave that away."

"No, the island is Carlisle's. He is wealthy too, but this is ours, yours and mine…._we _are pretty wealthy."

I stared at him in disbelief and he just laughed at me. "Here, try this one," he pointed towards a gold Mercedes sports car.

"No, not good for a car seat." I was already thinking in terms of a baby.

"You are so right, love, how about this one." He pointed at a Lexus SUV. I walked closer like it was the Holy Grail. I never imagined I would ever be able to afford something like this.

"It's just a vehicle, Bella," he laughed.

"The payments must be huge, I'm afraid I'll wreck it."

He continued to laugh and wrapped his arm around my waist. "It's paid for, love. I don't make payments. When I tell you we are wealthy I'm talking about millions."

I couldn't even process what he was saying. I couldn't be one of those rich society women; I liked tennis shoes and t-shirts. Rosalie and Alice could be rich, I couldn't.

He escorted me to an Aston Martin Vanquish and opened the passenger door. "This is mine; let me show you around the neighborhood."

He drove like he was still a vampire and I had to keep yelling at him to slow down.

We stopped at a corner market and got some food. I was too tired to go shopping for other supplies…like clothes and household items.

We returned home and put the groceries away. I knew I needed to question Edward about what was going on but I needed to clean up first. I drew a bath and was soaking in peace when Edward walked in. He stood smiling at me with a huge grin on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"I never imagined this sight, having my wife in my home, expecting my child, and having my own heartbeat. This never seemed possible."

"Well, don't just stand there, come join me." I held out my hand for him.

He began removing his clothes and I noticed how thin he was becoming. I made a mental note to start feeding him more.

When he was situated behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist I leaned against his chest and finally felt like I was home.

"Can we talk now?" I asked softly.

"Mmm," he kissed my neck. "This is a perfect time."

"What happened to Alice and Jasper?"

"According to Carlisle, Alice gave herself up to the Volturi. She and Jasper were staying with our cousins when she got a vision of them coming after us. She offered herself as an alternative. Jasper is leading them on a chase as they try to find us."

"Why are they trying to find us, if Alice made a deal?"

"They don't make deals, Bella. Alice is trying to work from the inside. She is pretending, just as they are." 

"Will they kill her?'

"No, her powers are too valuable to them." He sounded sure.

"What can we do?"

"_You_ can take care of yourself and grow a healthy happy baby."

"Edward, we can't sit back and do nothing, even though Alice and Jasper didn't want to be part of the family anymore. We can't just forget about them."

I felt him tense up behind me. "Love, Alice and Jasper would never give up on being part of the family. They left because Alice perceived a danger. They left for our good, not theirs."

I sat up quickly. "Then we can't just give up on them, we have to do something!"

Something suddenly dawned on me. "Edward," I gasped. "They won't be able to see me. Their powers won't work on me. I'm the answer to getting Alice back."

To say Edward freaked out would be putting it mildly. It was the first time I saw his anger as a human. He jumped from the tub and harshly wrapped a towel around his waist.

"I forbid you to do anything that puts you or my baby at risk."

I stood and stared at him like he had turned into an alien. "You _forbid_ me?" I chuckled mockingly. "This isn't 1918 Edward, and they are my family, too."

He pointed his finger right in my face, "Stop this right now, Bella, I'm not kidding."

I slapped his hand out of my way. "Don't you ever speak to me like I'm a child again. I don't care how long you've lived on this earth; it doesn't give you the right to demean me."

His eyes flashed in anger. "Then stop acting like a child. You don't understand this world Bella, I do. This was _MY_ world for almost a century, so don't pull the hurt feelings routine with me."

He ran his hands through his hair and paced back and forth a few times. I was suddenly aware I was standing naked in a tub of water. I pulled the plug with my foot and climbed over the side and grabbed a towel. Edward had stopped pacing and turned to me. 

"Bella, you have no idea what these vampires are capable of. They won't care that you're pregnant or that you love Alice, they would rip her apart right in front of you. They would make you watch them burn her just for their amusement. You would be brutally raped and if you somehow managed to survive they would cut our child from your womb before letting you die."

I felt a shudder run down my spine and my bluster was quickly fading.

"But also realize," he continued more subdued. "It would be my death, too, as well as the entire family. We would avenge you, Bella, just as they would expect. The best thing we can do for Alice is to give her time. She has eternity to figure something out and she would expect us to give it to her."

I crumbled and Edward pulled me into his arms. "I'm sorry I acted so barbaric. I didn't mean to offend you."

I couldn't respond. I felt so guilty for coming into Edward's life and tearing everyone apart. "Where did Rosalie and Emmett go?" I finally asked.

"I can't tell you, love. It is safer if you don't know."

"Do you think someone is going to try to torture that information out of me?"

"No, but I think the temptation to contact them would be too much. And that would be dangerous if we are being watched."

I became part of an amazing family and now we were all alone.

We fell into a domestic routine. Edward began working at a clinic for the indigent and was finding his work as a doctor very rewarding. I was redecorating the house more in line with my tastes and had made friends with most of the neighbors. The highlight of my day was the art class I was taking.

Mostly, we were focusing on preparing for when our baby would arrive. We chose not to know the sex and picked a name for both a girl and a boy.

I awoke one night to find Edward gone. I searched the house and finally found him staring out the front picture window watching snow lightly falling. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his back.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He pulled my arm to bring me in front of him and smiled lovingly at me.

"I know this can't be easy, Edward," I sighed.

"I wouldn't change a thing," he assured me.

"That still doesn't make it any less difficult. I understand, so you can talk to me about it."

He looked over my head and out the window again. "All those nights I spent watching you sleep, wishing I could sleep next to you; now it just seems like such a waste of time."

"The sleeping," he quickly added. "Not the watching."

At that moment I gasped and pulled back from him. He instantly looked concerned so I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach. He could feel the fluttering of our baby kicking for the first time and his expression changed to one of joy.

"I'm going to miss your ability to stay awake all night when this kid arrives," I laughed.

"I will gladly stay awake all night for our child," he informed me.

"I'm holding you to it." I said with a smile. "Edward?"

"Hmm"

"Have you heard from Esme or Carlisle?"

"No love, I haven't."

"Will you promise to tell me, if you do?"

"Yes, I promise to tell you," he sighed.

"Can I ask one more thing?"

"You can ask me anything, love."

"Why don't you ever play the piano anymore?"

He sighed loudly and turned to look at the grand piano sitting off of the family room. "It's just too painful…someday."

I hugged him tightly, pressing my stomach into him. I couldn't help but agree. As much as I longed to hear Edward's sweet melodies, it would bring back images of Esme I didn't want to remember right now.

"Come on; let's go to bed if you plan on having energy for the gym bright and early."

Edward smiled and let me lead him back to our room. He was determined to keep his body in shape and enjoyed hitting the gym. It was funny for me to watch him run. He was actually a little uncoordinated. I finally felt more like an equal with my amazing husband. When spring came he ran in the neighborhood. He didn't like feeling stuck inside all the time. I walked on a treadmill in the house. I hated the cold Chicago wind and missed the heat of Arizona.

I was sitting in my OB/GYN's office irritated that I was already half an hour past my scheduled appointment time when my cell phone rang. I knew it was Edward apologizing for missing the appointment.

"Hello," I answered, while trying to juggle my purse on my expanding stomach.

"Bella?" a hushed voice came across the phone.

"Jasper," I whispered back as I dropped my purse.

"I need your help." He sounded desperate.

"Anything, where are you?"

"I can't let you tell Edward. Will it be a problem?" His voice was strained and I could tell he expected me to argue.

"No, tell me what to do."


	24. Chapter 24

_**My Real Purpose**_

_**24**_

I had my back pressed tightly against the cold rock wall; my shallow breathing sounding too loud in the cavernous hallway. I wished I didn't have such a huge bulge sticking out in front of me, but there was nothing I could do about that. I felt I could protect my baby better while I still carried it. After the birth he or she would be a major target. This way they had to take us both.

Jasper assured me the Volturi could not see me coming or know what I was thinking. The only way he could drop off their radar too was if he teamed up with me. Once we joined forces his future went dark.

It was so hot in Italy and my energy level fell quickly. The heat did help me determine who was a vampire by the long robes they wore despite the warmth. The entire village square was decorated with banners and flags in honor of the city's celebration.

It had been two weeks since I snuck off to join Jasper and began donating vials of my blood. We had put drops in every form of drink we could get our hands on. The entire town had been given what was essentially poisonous to the vampires. When many began leaving due to fevers we started holding off. We needed those attending the celebration to be immune.

The immunity wouldn't stop the Volturi from killing people but it would stop them from drinking their blood. If our plan worked we would get everyone out alive, especially Alice.

I had to develop a poker face, something I was never good at. I kept Edward in my thoughts as I steeled myself for the charade. I tried not to think about how much I had hurt him by leaving without a word.

After Jasper's call I had quickly packed a bag and went straight to the airport. I knew if I waited for nightfall and had to look into Edward's beautiful eyes I would never be able to leave. I left a note but all I could think to write was, "I'm sorry, I love you with my whole heart."

Carlisle had found a way to make my blood a lot more concentrated. Just a small amount would cause almost instantaneous change. We gave the humans drops of my actual blood, but the strongest stuff was going to be used to trick the Volturi. Jasper knew Edward would never go along with the plan, so he had to get me away before Carlisle could tell him what was going on.

By the time I landed in Italy Jasper had to spend most of the first hour putting me back together. I was distraught, scared, and feeling so guilty. He finally convinced me to calm down for the sake of my child. If I didn't know how much Jasper loved Edward I would have gotten right back on a returning flight. I knew in my heart if there was any way to avoid hurting Edward, Jasper would have found it.

I froze as I heard the guard approaching. The beginning of the festivities had started and the Volturi would spend the entire day drinking from the tourists who descended on the small city.

I listened as the large rock door opened just around the corner from where I stood. People were filing in while marveling at the ancient ruins deep beneath the city. I quickly joined the group, acting like I had been part of the crowd all along.

My eyes went straight to those gathered on the dais in robes, pretending to be part of an acting troop. The tourist had spread out to get a better view of the performance. A small girl in a robe caught my eye. When she turned to face the crowd I had to dig my fingernails into my palms to keep from calling out to Alice.

She scanned the crowd and showed no indication that she recognized me. My heart was pounding out of my chest which was essentially the same as pounding a kettle drum announcing my arrival. I had to stop drawing attention to myself. I focused on Edward. I remembered lying in his arms as he would hum me to sleep. I remembered the feeling of him rubbing soothing cream on my stretching skin. I felt myself start to relax.

A man stood and introduced himself to the crowd as Aro, ancient ruler of Volterra. Everyone clapped and smiled at the authenticity of his acting. I instinctively backed up. He looked kind, but I had heard too many stories of his cruelty from Jasper.

The way Aro smiled at the crowd made my stomach turn. He was evil incarnate and I knew he wasn't looking at the humans adoringly. They were nothing but a meal to this creature and his pretense otherwise sickened me.

My face was absentmindedly formed into a scowl and caught the attention of a small blonde girl in a robe. She seemed particularly interested in me and began making her way to my side of the room. It was the only time I noticed Alice look in my direction. I knew she was warning me and I felt a sense of panic.

I tried not to show my fear, but due to my traitorous heartbeat the charade wasn't going to last much longer, so I took a deep breath and turned to stare directly at the small blonde. Her lips pulled back slightly to intimidate me, so I tried to sneer at her. I think it came off more as a hysterical laugh, but I had tried.

The large stone door closed and we were now surrounded by people in robes. I moved to the center of the crowd and began looking desperately for the familiar face I was hoping to see.

The small blond, who was still watching me with her eyes, suddenly let out a hiss and the room became very quiet. Everyone followed her gaze to stare in my direction, even the frightened tourists. I stepped out from the middle of the group and looked at Aro when I spoke.

"The only way you will survive the day is with my help." I tried to sound brave and was surprised by my own calm. I actually felt a jolt of pride when Aro looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

He smiled as if I had a simple mind and motioned for me to step closer. I reached in my pocket and held up a vial of blood. "Everyone in this room has been given some of this."

"What is that, child?" he said with a sickening sweet voice.

"I'm not a child you evil son-of-a-bitch." Hisses erupted throughout the room and Aro stopped smiling.

I kept my eyes locked with his and imagined other vampires, especially the small blond, ready to attack. The image of Edward tried to break through my mind but I pushed it back. I had to be resolute to pull this off.

"Then you know you have only moments to live," he spat at me. His head lowered and his eyes took on a frightening stare as they turned from blood red to black.

"No, Aro." He ruffled at my casual use of his name. "Unless you listen to me you are the one with only moments to live."

The humans began forming into tight groups hugging each other while they tried to figure out what was going on. The vampires in robes were fidgety, waiting for the order to respond to the human who dared to speak to their ruler in such a manner.

"Suppose you enlighten me." He sat down and tried to act unconcerned, but I could tell he was livid underneath his calm exterior.

I held the vial out in front of me and I saw through my peripheral vision the small blond take a step towards me. I snapped my head around to look at her. I knew she didn't have Aro's permission to attack or I would have been dead already.

"Jane," Aro rebuked. "Be a good girl and have a seat."

"Yes, Jane, be a good girl," I repeated. Her eyes were blazing with hatred and I smiled mockingly at her.

While keeping my eyes locked on Jane I spoke to Aro, "None of your powers will work on me," I informed him.

"I'm sure you won't mind if I put that to a test, do you dear?" Aro asked.

It was Jane's turn to smile mockingly at me.

"As long as none of you come near us you can try anything you want," I shrugged.

He nodded his head to Jane and she gave me a deadly smile. I stood stoically and gave her my undivided attention. She stood absolutely still, looking like a statue made of stone. I had to watch carefully but I could see her eyes flash emotion every few seconds. At first it was pride, but that changed to anger, and finally the one I was waiting for… _Fear._

I turned back to Aro and I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable.

"Are we done? Are you ready to listen now? Oh, if baby Jane here makes one wrong move you are all dead, so I advise you to let me finish completely explaining."

Jane hissed at me but I ignored her. My eyes strayed to Alice and I could tell she was trying to reign in her fear. I was sure it was not fear for her, but fear for me.

"Proceed," he finally mumbled.

"First of all, let these people go."

I spoke the next part as a whisper since I knew he could hear me; everyone in a robe would be able to hear me. "They have no idea what you are and will think it is just part of the tour."

"And you?" he asked.

Again in a whisper I added, "I'm staying right here."

Aro raised his hand and continued the ruse. "It seems you people have a champion, enjoy the remainder of the festivities."

The crowd began to clap and cheer even though they had no idea what had just gone on. The large stone door was opened and they filed out chattering happily.

When the last person left and the door closed again a man dressed in a robe stepped forward and dropped his hood. My heart jumped for joy. I hadn't noticed him before and I was suddenly brimming with confidence. I smiled wildly at him as he winked. It was Jasper.

I turned back to Aro feeling somewhat relieved. At least I managed to save the humans; my life, Jasper's and Alice's would be much more difficult. "You have all been poisoned," I started to explain.

He laughed loudly and raised his eyebrows, "Really?"

"Well, I guess you can't technically call it poisoned, more like changed." That word struck a chord with him and his smile quickly faded.

"See, I was attacked by a vampire," I pulled my hair back so he could see the scar on my neck. "But the funniest thing happened."

Aro eyed me as if he was waiting for the punch line of a joke, "Who was this _vampire_ who had no effect on you?"

No effect; how could he think Edward had no effect on me? He was my reason for living, the love of my life, how did that constitute no effect? My brow furrowed and I felt my focus wane a little. I remembered Edward saying Esme was Carlisle's Achilles heel. It all made sense now.

"Go on," he leaned forward in anticipation.

"That vampire who, as you say, had no effect on me is now a human; he's my husband, Edward Cullen." 

Growls and hisses filled the room, quicker than I could see Aro grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her to him. "You said they didn't change the girl."

She never faltered in her courageous calm. "They didn't change her, as you can see Master." I heard Jasper growl softly.

My heart began beating faster as I watched this evil thing with his hands on Alice. I couldn't fall apart now and I had to stop my mind from hearing Edward's words…_They would burn her in front of you for their own amusement._

Aro looked at me incredulously. "How can this be?"

My mind quickly refocused as I began playing my part again. "Sorry, guess I'm kind of immune." I shrugged like it was no big deal. "See, you can't even kill me," I bluffed. "I'm actually already dead."

He stared at my large stomach and his mouth turned up at the edges. "I hear your heart beat as well as that of your unborn."

"It still doesn't take away the fact that I shot myself in the head and was sent back on a mission." I heard Jasper chuckle next to me.

"What mission?" Aro demanded as his body language relaxed. He was certain I was some deranged girl the Cullens had foolishly put their trust in. He was already making plans how to best use me to his advantage against the Cullen coven.

"To rid the world of you blood sucking scourge." I waved my arm loosely around the room.

He laughed loudly again. "Are you so delusional you believe yourself to be a vampire slayer? You are watching too much television, dear." His head tilted slightly trying to convey pity as he smiled disingenuously.

I saw Alice point with her eyes toward a vampire at the end of the large stage. I saw he was beginning to sweat. "Aro, I think one of your boys hasn't been following orders." I nodded toward the vampire.

"Alec?" he asked. Jane moved to examine her brother. I couldn't see the difference in his skin, but again, they could. It was standard for the Volturi to fast before the celebration but Alec must have bitten an immune tourist.

"Alec, tisk, tisk, tisk, you've been sneaking into the humans again," I chided him. I was actually beginning to feel much better now I had a visual to offer them as proof.

"What's wrong with him?" Jane screamed at me.

"He's changing; you might want to watch closely baby sis, since it will be happening to you, too."

"I will kill you, you pathetic human," she screamed at me.

I had to hold my tongue. I wanted to scream back at her. I wanted to dare her to try it. But I needed more time, so I turned my back on her and faced only Aro.

"Explain," Aro demanded as he stood in rage.

"You have all had some of my blood put into your goblets before we entered the room," I said with confidence.

Jasper knew the routine of making a toast before the first group of tourists was led in. I had prayed they hadn't strayed from tradition. I had to make them believe they had all drank something that would change them, when actually only those who had drank from immune tourist were beginning to change.

Aro grabbed his cup and threw it across the room. "How did you accomplish this?"

"Doesn't matter," I flipped my hand to dismiss his comment. "I have an antidote."

I smiled an evil smile. "Do you want to negotiate?"

I noticed another member of the guard beginning to sweat. I nodded towards him, "Looks like we don't have much time."

"What are your terms?"

"First of all, you have to let those who want to change continue to change." I knew I hit a nerve. What fun would it be to rule the vampire world if there was no one to rule? I also knew he would agree, but never follow through.

"Second, I want you to sit down." He was surprised by that demand but he obeyed. "You have to understand that I cannot be killed and I am the only one who knows where the antidote is, do you understand that?"

He nodded suspiciously. I could see his mind working and there was no way he was going to allow me to live.

"Alice," I called. She stepped from the platform and walked to Jasper's side. "I want them to leave. If you hurt them I will not tell you where the cure is."

The room hissed again and more began to sweat. Aro was very nervous and was ready to agree to anything.

The door opened and Jasper led Alice out. She looked back at me with a look of gratitude mixed with remorse. I wanted to run to her and hug her tightly. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her and that I still thought of her as my sister. But I couldn't, I wasn't done with my purpose. I shivered slightly as I felt my bravery walk out the door with them.

"Now, let those who want to become human leave," I said, trying to refocus.

Aro's eyes flashed with anger as he looked around the room. Some of those in robes wouldn't meet his gaze. I could tell at least a few wanted to leave.

"They are going to be human anyway; you might as well let them leave."

He nodded and the heavy door opened again. Five left, including three that were already sweating.

"How do we know you will tell us where the cure is? What if you lie to us?" Aro asked through clenched teeth. He was angry at the sight of losing some of his guard and wanted to rectify things quickly.

"After I tell you where it is I will wait for you to retrieve it and use it, then I will leave, because you can't hurt me," I reiterated, hoping he didn't hear my heartbeat speed up.

He simply nodded again and sat back down.

"Outside in the hall around the corner is a cooler. The cure is mixed with Polar Bear blood. You must drink it."

He nodded to a muscular man in a robe. He flew from the room and was back in a few seconds. I saw Aro's hands were shaking as he opened the cooler. He poured some blood into a cup and drank it down quickly. He made sure to save himself first before handing the bag to the two men sitting next to him.

I noticed some of the guard around the room moving nervously. They had wanted to turn human but didn't have the guts to leave with the others. Now that Aro had the cure they were sure the traitors would be hunted down.

I waited patiently for everyone to drink from their cup and then began backing towards the door.

"Stop," Aro demanded, just as I figured he would.

"Just because you can't be killed doesn't mean we can't keep you as a pet."

Anger filled me at the thought of being chained in a cell under the city. "You are going to be very sick soon, Aro, when the cure begins to purge the poison from your system, so I don't think you are in any position to threaten me."

He lurched forward suddenly and placed his hand on the table for support. I simply sat on the stone floor and acted like I was waiting. I was hoping he didn't order me killed right now while they still had the strength, but he seemed to buy the story I was immortal.

Around the room they began falling in pain. I had to reassure them to keep them believing. "The cure is strong; it has to be to save you. I'm sure century old vampires can take a little pain."

The moans began to quiet somewhat, but I could see many of the vampires beginning to break out into a sweat and stare at each other in panic. I stood to leave but Aro commanded me to sit again.

"I don't think so." I tried to remain calm. I wasn't scared but I was angry. My hand moved to my stomach, "I'm hungry and seeing as I'm eating for two I really have to be going."

A robed man stepped in front of the door and then doubled over in pain. The stone opening suddenly flew wide; I was waiting for Jasper and Alice to come running in, but I was shocked when Edward ran through the door first. He was quickly followed by Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice.

I ran to Edward and fell into his arms shaking from the fear I had tried to hold off. Aro ordered everyone to attack but they were not strong enough to go up against the four vampires in our family.

Emmett and Edward surrounded me and pulled me from the room just as the Denali's joined the fight. I was dragged by both arms from the depths of Volterra into the bright sunlight. The celebrations were continuing without the humans noticing a thing.

We ran down a long alley and as we passed an open door I saw dozens of robed people lying on the ground in pain. I assumed the Denali's were spreading the "cure" while making toasts with fellow bloodsuckers.

Edward helped me into a car and Emmett quickly kissed my cheek before we sped away. I was crying from joy at seeing Edward and also from relief that the whole plan had worked.

Edward kept trying to touch me but had to use two hands to maneuver the winding roads. I finally scooted onto the middle console and leaned on his shoulder so we were touching and he wouldn't wreck. We drove straight to the airport.

"I want to wait for the others," I cried.

"No, we have to stay separated," he said as he pulled me through the customs line. "We aren't out of danger until the power struggle is over. There are others of their kind."

I pulled back and stopped letting him continue to drag me forward, how could it not be over? We had put our lives in danger to get Alice back and we managed to bring down the Volturi, how could it not be over?

"What are you talking about, it's over," I demanded.

He pushed his palms into his eyes and I noticed how exhausted he looked. I knew it was cruel to take off with Jasper and make him worry, but only now could I see the emotional damage I had caused on his face. He looked years older and I could tell he hadn't eaten properly. The dark circles he used to have under his eyes when he was a vampire had returned.

"Please, let me get you out of here and I will explain everything," His words sent an awful feeling of déjà vu through me.

"What about the others? What if something happens to them? Can't we just see them before we go?"

"We have this all worked out Bella, we have to follow the plan."

"What plan?" I demanded. I was suddenly angry. I had just pulled off the biggest coup of the vampire world and he was still keeping me in the dark about things. "Jasper didn't tell me any plan for after we got away."

I could see the anger rising in his face. "Maybe Jasper should have been a little more careful with _my_ wife while trying to rescue his." His jaw tightened and his hands rolled into fists. I was suddenly worried I had destroyed yet another relationship in Edwards's life.

"Can we just get on the plane and I will tell you everything?" he begged.

I moved like a zombie. My feet were moving but I was just a shell. I couldn't think, or understand simple words. I found our seats in first class and collapsed into them. My entire body started to shake as the events of the day began to register in my brain.

Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me and we both fell instantly to sleep.

I woke up when some turbulence forced the captain to ask everyone to remain in their seats. I stretched my sore, tense muscles and was relieved when I felt the baby kicking. I picked up Edward's limp hand and placed it on my belly.

He turned his head towards me without opening his eyes and smiled softly. I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it over and over again. He opened his eyes and his smile grew.

"I'm sorry," I offered as tears filled my eyes. "How angry are you?"

He stared at me for a minute and then cleared his throat. "Bella, I lived alone way too long. I don't ever want to be alone again and I don't think you realize what it would do to me to lose you."

I nodded and opened my mouth but he interrupted me. "And as much as I love you, I love our child that much too. How could I ever go on if I lost you both?"

I held his hand tightly in mine. "Edward, there was nobody else who could have done what I just did. It _had_ to be me. I know I scared you, but I love Alice like a sister and I couldn't turn my back on her."

"We could have found another way," he insisted.

"No Edward, we couldn't. You would have never agreed to any plan which put me in that room with the Volturi, and that was the only way it was going to work."

I noticed a shudder run through him. He leaned his head back for a minute before he spoke. "Everyone will expect us to try to take over." He turned to look at me. "There are many other strong covens who will want to assume leadership. That makes our family targets."

"So is that why we have to stay separate?"

"Yes, we will also have to watch for former vampires wanting revenge. We can't lead them to each other."

"Where's Rosalie? I didn't see her today."

Edward stole a quick glance around him and then leaned in closer to me. "They live in California."

I nodded and felt more tears fill my eyes. I missed her; as much as she had terrified me I now missed her.

"Are you and Jasper going to be okay?" I asked hesitantly.

He took another deep breath before he answered. "Jasper and I have a lot of history, and I love Alice as a sister."

I was watching him, expecting more of an explanation but soon realized that was all he was going to say on the subject. I hoped with time he could forgive Jasper for asking me to deceive him and for putting me and our baby in danger.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Time Marches On**_

_**25**_

"Bella," Edward yelled as he walked through the back door. He was home early and that was very unusual. I instantly felt myself tense in fear.

"I'm in the laundry room," I hollered. I relaxed when I saw he was excited about something. He stood in the doorway smiling from ear to ear with his hand behind his back.

"What do you have, Edward?"

"We're going on vacation," he answered.

"Where and when?" I wasn't surprised because Edward loved to travel and was constantly taking us somewhere.

"Tomorrow," he said as his grin widened.

"No, we're not!" I went back to sorting the laundry.

"Yes, yes we are," he insisted.

"Edward," I glared at him in frustration, "Elizabeth has a class party on Friday and Masen has a tournament this weekend. We are not going anywhere." I tried to make my tone sound final but Edward was obstinate when he got something in his head.

He held out a fax paper, still smiling, and began waving it in my face. I grabbed it out of his hand as my anger was beginning to build. There was no place so important that I would disappoint our kids and make them miss their commitments.

I gave Edward one last scowl and then looked at the fax in my hand. I felt my legs give out and Edward quickly caught me before I hit the ground, as we went down together clinging to each other in tears. I couldn't speak and just held tightly to Edward praying it wasn't a joke or a dream.

"What are you doing?" a sweet voice asked from the doorway.

"Mommy was just telling me how much she loves me," Edward answered as he kissed me in earnest.

"Gross, can I go to Blake's house?"

"No son, you have to go pack your clothes, only shorts and swimsuits, we're going on vacation."

I finally found my voice and turned to Edward laughing. "Go help Masen, you know he won't pack shirts or underwear since you told him _only _shorts and swimsuits."

Edward kissed me again and I noticed how his eyes lit up. "We're going home, love." 

"We're going home," I repeated.

I couldn't sleep that night and my mind wandered over the years after we took down the Volturi. Time had passed quickly once Masen was born. We still missed our family but we focused all of our attention on our son and then welcomed a daughter four years later.

I remembered the night Edward began playing the piano again. I was making dinner and Edward was watching a documentary on the civil war. I wasn't sure if the music was coming from the television or from our house. It was so perfect and also haunting.

I walked to the doorway and saw Edward playing with his eyes closed. I could tell by the poignant jazz piece where his thoughts were. I never understood his relationship with Jasper and I felt like I was intruding. I quietly made my way back to the kitchen. Edward played the piano regularly after that night.

I assumed having a doctor as a husband would come in handy when our children had their typical childhood accidents, but Edward was useless.

One day when Masen was playing he tripped and hit his head on the edge of our coffee table. Edward turned as pale as a vampire and had to put his head between his legs.

"I can't tolerate seeing my children in pain," he confessed. "Take him to the ER," he instructed as he took deep breaths.

After returning, four stitches later, we lay in bed that night talking about Carlisle. It had been awhile since we let ourselves give in to our grief.

"How did Carlisle handle everything?" he mused. "Not only was he our father as a vampire coven, but he was also emotionally our father. We depended on him for everything."

I let the tears freely fall. "Because he loved you all so much, you gave him so much joy."

"He must have been terrified all the time. I know when I look at Masen and Elizabeth I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders." He turned onto his side to face me. "And he loved you too, you know."

I giggled and snuggled closer to Edward. "Well, maybe Elizabeth will begin to see the future and Masen will start reading minds to take away some of the pressure. And I know he loved me, just as much as I loved him."

Edward mouthed silently. "I love you."

I snuggled closer and ran my hand through his hair. "I love you, too. What do you think they are all doing right at this moment?" I wondered.

He closed his eyes and a big smile broke across his face. "Let me see, Alice is most likely shopping…"

"That one was too easy," I interrupted.

"Jasper is sitting on top of the highest peak in the Himalayas offering advice to those seeking enlightenment," he professed.

"Much better," I laughed.

"Carlisle is trying to develop a cure for the common cold, using your blood."

"Gross." I smacked his shoulder.

"And Esme is making pashmina's to sell in bulk on the internet."

"I would know her craftsmanship anywhere," I answered.

"Emmett is probably looking for a good divorce attorney…"

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, that was not funny!" I glared at him.

His smile widened as he pulled me on top of him. "And Edward is getting lucky with Bella."

"You must be psychic," I teased right before my lips crashed onto his.

I stepped from the boat onto the all too familiar dock. My legs were shaking badly as I walked. Edward took my hand and squeezed it hard. I could see the tears he was blinking back. He picked up Elizabeth with his other arm as I took Masen's hand and we headed toward the house.

Carlisle stepped out first and I flew up the steps into his arms. I kissed him over and over again and marveled at the tears running down his soft, warm, face.

Esme opened the door and I heard Edward choke out a sob before rushing into her arms. Elizabeth was trying to squirm her way out of Edward's hold and away from the crying and kissing.

"Who do we have here?" Carlisle asked. 

I wiped the tears from my face and put my arm around Masen. "This is our oldest child Masen, he is 10 years old." Carlisle shook his hand and turned to Elizabeth. She moved her body behind mine as we all laughed.

"She is a little shy, Elizabeth, say Hello."

"Hello," a soft whisper came from behind me.

"She's six," I explained.

I didn't quite know how to introduce Carlisle and Esme to my children. I wanted to call them Grandpa and Grandma because that was how I saw them, but they were way too young to pull that off.

After a long hug between Carlisle and Edward we walked into the house and I saw two little boys who looked identical sitting in front of the television.

"Seth and Sean, come meet family," Esme called to them.

I squealed in delight and hugged them both tightly. "How old are you?" I asked.

"Eight," they answered in unison.

I turned back to Esme and sobbed all over her shoulder. I wanted to ask if the others would be coming but I felt greedy. It was more than I had expected when we received the fax from Carlisle asking us to come visit.

The kids quickly warmed up to each other and played as the adults sat on the veranda catching up. When I heard a familiar booming voice I jumped from my chair and ran into the house just as Emmett and Rosalie walked in.

Rose and I ran at each other and crashed into a screaming mesh of tears. I felt like Alice as I jumped up and down in Rosalie's arms. She finally pulled away to look at me. "You look exactly the same Bella."

"You look….." I wanted to say fat, Rosalie was fat and I found that hysterically funny…. "So happy."

She pretended to smack my arm. "I look like a mom and that is all I ever wanted to look like."

I pulled her to me again and she whispered in my ear. "I am happy, Bella, I am very happy."

I was aware of an awful lot of noise going on around us and it took a moment to register the house was full of kids.

"Are these all yours?"

"Only six of them," she laughed.

Emmett came walking in from the veranda with Edward tossed over his shoulder. He was still huge, but most of it was a beer gut instead of the intense muscles he used to have.

"Boys, come say hi to Uncle Edward… Cullen style."

A parade of young boys lunged at Edward and piled on top of him. "Do you have any girls?" I asked in shock.

"One, Lucy's five….and in six months we're expecting another girl."

I hugged her again and felt tired just thinking about having seven kids.

Emmett laughed as his boys wrestled with Edward. "Let me introduce my guys," he said with pride. "The oldest is Emmett Junior, of course."

"Of course," I agreed with a laugh.

"Next we have Chase Carlisle." I noticed Carlisle smile with pride. "Then we have Brady Edward, Corbin Jasper, and finally little Theodore Bear."

I gasped. "No, Rose, please… tell me you didn't let him name your son Teddy Bear?"

"Yes, I did. The Bear stands for Bella, Esme, Alice and Rosalie," she answered defensively.

"I'm calling social services!" I announced.

Carlisle hugged and kissed Rosalie and then handed her off to Esme. They didn't speak; they didn't have to, they just hugged each other as the tears fell down their faces.

Carlisle tossed Emmett keys to the other house. He assured them it had been added onto since we left eleven years ago, as had the main house. He pointed out some golf carts they could use to get to the bungalow; although with that many kids they would have to take several trips.

I was somewhat relieved that Edward and I would not be staying at our old house. I didn't think I could stay composed in front of my children if we returned to the place where our nightmare began. The place held good memories, especially next to the kitchen table, but also sad ones. I knew Edward was happy to be human again, but I also knew there were things about being a vampire he missed.

We all headed outside to see Emmett and Rosalie off to their rooms when another boat pulled up. We rushed to the front of the house to see Alice and Jasper, sparkling in the bright sun as they walked down the dock.

I felt my heart sink. They had chosen not to make the change. Were we still in danger? Would we end up running again, but this time dragging our children with us?

We met them on the front porch and everyone was a lot more subdued as we all hugged and kissed. Alice was as bubbly as ever and insisted on hearing all the kids' names. Then she turned to Rosalie, "Are those Italian shoes?" she asked suspiciously. We all laughed and Esme invited us inside.

When everyone walked through the door Jasper pulled my arm keeping me outside. He led me to the far end of the porch before speaking.

"I didn't get to say thank you." He had the same southern drawl that melted my heart. I threw my arms around his cold, hard, neck.

"I love you, Jasper. Everything I have I owe to you."

He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. It wouldn't seem like much to most people, but I realized the restraint it took for Japer to have his teeth so close to me.

"I love you too, Bella, I would be alone if it wasn't for you."

Jasper looked up at the screen door and noticed Edward standing there. He smiled and nodded for Edward to join him. I was nervous as they stood on the porch in a silent hug. Edward had only seen Jasper for a couple of angry minutes in the last eleven years.

"Edward, my brother," Jasper said softly.

For the first time Edward looked older than Jasper. They stared at each other silently, noticing the difference time can make. Edward put his hands on the sides of Jasper's face and leaned in until their foreheads met.

I saw a lone tear fall from my husband's eyes. "I have so much to say and I don't know where to start," he whispered.

Jasper put his arm around Edward and led him off the porch. I watched as they walked toward the beach and out of sight, locked arm in arm as they talked. My heart swelled and I knew in that moment they would be fine.

Over the years I had tried to discuss the subject of Jasper, but Edward would never talk about it. I didn't know if he was harboring a grudge or just missing him. He never asked about the two weeks I had spent in Italy working with Jasper, either. My deepest fear was that Edward would never be able to forgive him.

I turned around to find Alice standing behind me.

"You were amazing you know," she said.

"I think the word would be terrified!"

"I finally understand it all. The whole reason I'm a vampire. The reason it was important not to drink human blood. I used to think it was all you, but now I see it was all of us. "

I smiled at her because it all made sense to me now, too. It took a love so strong it could transcend the bonds of death to rid the earth from the evil that had grown. It took Elizabeth's love for Edward.

She needed someone who could love her son as a vampire _and_ as a human to pull it off. She needed me to be so disconnected I would find my way to her. She had lured me to the forest that night so many years ago.

But I was only part of the solution. The Cullen family was the rest. They were special, too. Alice's visions could be led by Elizabeth over the years, compelling her to see her way to drinking animal blood and finding the Cullens.

And Jasper's love for Edward would drive him to wipe out his own kind in order to protect the man he was inexplicably drawn to; the only two vampires on the earth without any chance of succumbing to the temptation of power.

Carlisle and Esme were chosen for their strong ethical values. They were the only two people Elizabeth would trust to love and raise her son.

Rosalie and Emmett were just as valuable. Rosalie's drive to return to her human life would keep the family open to that possibility. Emmett's simplicity and love for any kind of life would help to counter Edward's inclination to wallowing in despair.

"I wish it was over," I said sadly.

"It will be some day," she said. "Come on, Bella; let's not waste a moment away from our family."

We went into the house where Alice began filling everyone in on the state of leadership among the vampires. The blood supply has been so fully saturated with my immunities that vampires who did not end up changed were forced to hunt animals. Very few remained but Alice and Jasper were determined to stay unchanged until the race died out completely. They held the key to the blood supply and were vigilant in making sure it spread.

The funny thing was the children never seemed to question Alice's supper strength or Jasper's amazing speed. Even their sparkling skin didn't seem out of the ordinary to them. Once they saw how much their aunt and uncle were loved they followed right along.

Rose and I were resting in a hammock as our girls played together in the sand. We were laying end-to-end with our hands locked between us.

"Where do you live?" I was relieved to finally discuss such things with my sister.

"Santa Rosa, California. We started an auto repair franchise and it took off. It keeps Emmett pretty busy, so he doesn't complain about all my time being spent on the kids. I could sure use my old strength," she sighed.

"Your daughter is beautiful," I observed.

"Shhh," she cut me off. "She is talented, and smart, and tough as nails."

I laughed at Rose, but understood her desire to make Lucy see all of her qualities not just her beauty. "Just like her mother," I added.

"Do you think Alice is happy?" I asked.

We both looked over to the veranda where Carlisle was in deep conversation with Alice. He looked mesmerized as she spoke, his eyes still held the look of a proud father.

Rosalie looked sad but shook her head yes. "Alice doesn't remember being human, she spent a lot of time in an institution, so I think being a vampire has been the only happiness she has ever known. And Jasper will support her in anything, just as Emmett did for me."

"Have you heard anything about Tanya?" I asked with sudden apprehension.

"Yeah, she has been married four times…just can't seem to understand the whole monogamy concept." Rose laughed shaking her head. "She looks awful, her beauty faded quickly. She still likes to drink her dinner, if you know what I mean."

"She still drinks animal blood?" I was horrified.

"No, Bella….she's an alcoholic."

I looked over at Edward and I suddenly felt sorry for Tanya. He was still too thin, but when he met my gaze and gave me a heart stopping smile I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest woman alive.

"Did you hear what I said?" Rose was asking.

I turned back to her and shook my head. "Sorry, I was a little distracted."

"I said," she huffed. "That I know this because she showed up at my door looking for Edward."

"Ed…what….you didn't tell her did you?"

"No, Emmett covered really well. I didn't want to be so gracious, but I guess I kind of felt sorry for her."

"How lucky are we Rosalie? We have such amazing men. Do you think being vampires helped them?"

"I think it made them appreciate being human, I know it did for me. How's Edward doing?"

I smiled and felt myself blush, "I love him so much. He still drives too fast, but he has adjusted quite well, of course birthdays are a huge deal in our family."

She nodded in agreement. "Does he still have the Vanquish?"

"Stop right there," I held my hand up. "I am not getting into a car discussion with you."

"Hey, Eddie," she yelled to where Emmett and Edward were playing with the kids in the water. "Do you still have the Vanquish?"

"Call me Eddie again and I will run you down with it and yes, I still have it." He headed over to talk with her, so I jumped off the hammock and made my get-a-way.

I walked into the kitchen to see Esme starting lunch, "Let me help," I offered. She turned to give me a wink and handed me a watermelon to cut.

I stared at her as I cut the pieces and put them in a bowl. She was so beautiful and still had that motherly quality about her that made you feel like you were loved. "I missed you so much," I finally said when I couldn't contain myself any longer.

"You kids have no idea how much we ached for you. We consider Seth and Sean our seventh and eighth children." She reached for a towel to dry her eyes.

I laughed hardily. "I'm sure that makes Rosalie feel better."

Esme stopped and turned to look out the window. "It does my heart good to see her fulfill her greatest desire. I watched her mourn for a child for too many years to count."

I put my knife down and walked up behind Esme and put my arms around her shoulders. "You have always been the best mother. I see so much of you in Edward; he carries you and Carlisle with him in everything he does."

She placed her hands on my arms and gave me a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, I had hoped they wouldn't forget us."

We were standing there looking at our now huge family as they played and bonded with one another. Alice came running into the kitchen. "I planned a party for tonight, catered food, and fireworks, the whole nine yards."

Esme and I looked at each other and shook our heads as we doubled over laughing.

"Some things never change," I added.

That evening a boat arrived to set up a food buffet and place a barge in the water for the firework display. I grabbed Edward's arm and pointed to the muscle-bound man captaining the boat. Jake's face broke into a huge smile as we made our way towards him.

I hugged him tightly before he put out his hand for Edward to shake. "How are you both?"

"We're great; it is so wonderful to see you." I purposely looked at his hand for a ring.

He caught my glance and held up his hand. "Yep, I married Leah finally."

"Do you have any kids?" I asked hopefully.

"We're expecting our first at Christmas."

"Congratulations." Edward and I responded at the same time.

"Are any of these kids running around here yours?"

"All of them," Edward responded. "Bella is very fertile."

I saw Jake's eyes widen in shock so I quickly elbowed Edward in the stomach. "Only two of them are ours. He's trying to be funny and obviously failing."

Jake and Edward laughed hardily.

Carlisle came to meet us and shook Jake's hand. "How's your father, Jake?"

"He died two years ago. I've taken over the family business."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Carlisle seemed genuinely sad.

We walked with Jake toward the house as a crew set up for the party. Rosalie stepped out onto the porch and glared at him. I wasn't sure how she knew it was Jake but she obviously figured it out.

Jake immediately put his hands in the air and laughed. "I'm not doing anything and I'm keeping my shirt on." He looked around as if looking for someone. "Where's the spooking guy that stares at me from afar?"

I met Rose's gaze and we both laughed at the thought of Jasper standing by a tree looking exactly like he did eleven years ago watching Jake's every move. I was sure both Jasper and Alice would remain out of sight until the humans moved to the barge for the fireworks.

We chatted with Jake until the food was ready and said our goodbyes. He made us promise to come to the mainland and see him again before we left. It felt so good to be able to greet an old friend without fear. I wished Jasper and Alice could do the same.

After the fireworks we all sat around a bonfire. I was in a low lounge chair as Elizabeth laid between my legs fighting sleep the best she could. Rose was sitting in a chair next to me holding Teddy asleep in her arms, as Lucy curled up between her legs just like Elizabeth. Alice was on my other side holding little Corbin as he bounced on her lap.

Carlisle came out of the house carrying a guitar and we all smiled hopefully. He sat on a blanket next to Esme and began playing softly. Emmet was lying across a blanket with four of his boys using his large frame for a pillow. Edward and Jasper came and sat down in the sand between Alice and me. Masen stayed in a hammock with the twins.

Softly Carlisle began singing a sweet melody of a song from long ago. It sounded like an Irish love song. When he finished he handed the guitar to Jasper. Jasper sang 'What a Wonderful World' in his clear, perfect vampire voice. I felt the tears running down my face.

Jasper passed the guitar to Edward and I noticed how his hand lingered on Edward's shoulder. I reached out and placed mine on top of his. I was so happy to see things were good between them again. I was actually relieved to see Jasper still felt a pull towards Edward.

Edward warmed up on the guitar for awhile and then began playing 'He ain't Heavy, He's my Brother.' His voice was so filled with emotion that I could honestly say it was the best he had ever sounded. I noticed Emmett swallowing hard and trying to contain his emotion.

When Edward finished Emmett jumped up without taking the guitar. "What's wrong with you all; this is supposed to be a party. Come on boys lets show them how to do this Cullen style."

His four older boys jumped up and Emmett began beat boxing before breaking into a very cheeky version of 'Baby Got Back." His boys sang right along as if it was a family tradition, while they shook their backsides to the crowd.

I was laughing hysterically, but also very relieved Elizabeth and Lucy had fallen asleep. Rosalie just rolled her eyes and bounced lightly to the beat. The love at that moment was so overwhelming it was hard to tell if everyone's tears were from laughing or just being together.

For our final day on the island we hired a nanny service to watch the kids as the adults took one last boat ride before heading home. It was wonderful being together again and we felt like nothing had changed. We were one big happy family and words like human and vampire didn't mean anything to us anymore.

"Who wants to go skiing?" Carlisle asked as he held up a ski.

"Not Bella, she's afraid of an enema," Rosalie joked.

"We could play Rose's favorite game and stare in a mirror all day," Alice quipped.

"Or, we could listen to Alice talk and talk and talk and talk," Edward teased until Alice splashed water up at him.

"We could check Edward's pockets for panties," Emmett bellowed as Jasper laughed.

I dutifully flipped them off. "We could always watch Emmett try to arm wrestle Jasper," I smirked.

"All of you stop this right now." Esme stood in the middle of the boat to chastise us. "I didn't raise a bunch of hoodlums and you are not going to act like children when you are finally adults. Now, who wants to ski?"

We all hung our heads, embarrassed for bickering like children. It was quiet until Jasper stood. We all looked up expecting him to take the ski from Carlisle but instead he stepped towards Esme.

Then, cool, calm, tranquil, Jasper, always the perfect southern gentleman, pulled Esme into his strong arms and tossed her high into the air and right into the water.

_**Life is sweet.**_


	26. Chapter 26

Epilogue

Edward lived to the age of seventy eight as a human. He watched his son, Masen, finish medical school and become a anesthesiologist then marry the neighbor girl he had a crush on since he was fourteen. They stayed in the Chicago area and we got to visit with our three grandchildren often.

Edward was a mess when he walked Elizabeth down the aisle for her wedding. I had to remind him he married me when I was eighteen and Elizabeth was twenty-two. He still saw his little girl as exactly that….a little girl.

We decided to tell the children about Edwards past life the weekend before the wedding.

Edward really wanted Alice and Jasper to be there and the kids were adults now and refused to accept our feeble attempts to keep them in the dark. Masen thought it was the coolest thing in the world, but Elizabeth was a little freaked out over the whole thing.

I did notice how she managed to steer clear of both Alice and Jasper at the wedding; maybe she was just a nervous bride and I was reading too much into it.

When the wedding march began I had tears streaming down my face. Elizabeth looked so much like her name sake and I was overcome with emotion. Edward was as handsome as ever and I loved the small amount of grey filtering through his hair.

He was holding on to Elizabeth so tightly and I could tell he was fighting tears. When he got halfway down the aisle his entire demeanor changed. He relaxed and a huge smile broke across his face. I instantly sought out Jasper and he winked at me knowingly.

During the reception we gave an honest effort to talk with all our guests but kept finding ourselves back at the table with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice. It just felt so wonderful to be together again.

When the reception was over we all went back to our house and stayed up all night talking. Edward played the piano but he couldn't compete with Jasper's quick, fluid movements over the keys. When the sun began to rise the humans in the family began to fade and wandered off one by one to sleep.

I headed off to bed leaving Edward and Jasper alone to talk. When I got to the top of the stairs I turned to look back at the two men. Edward looked so happy and I was grateful that his 'other' life included brothers.

That vision was what filled my mind this morning as I awaited Jasper's arrival at the funeral home. Next to Masen and Elizabeth, I knew Edward's death would be hardest on Jasper. The door opened and Alice walked through first. I couldn't help but gasp at her beauty. My older, weak, eyes almost couldn't contain the beauty of both of them.

Jasper walked in looking stoic, standing straight like the military man he was. He came over to hug me and it was then I could feel the trembling of his body. I reached my thin wrinkled hand up to his face and he leaned into my palm and sighed.

"Jasper, you know he loved you with all his heart," I assured him.

"Yes, Darlin, I know that."

I nodded toward the door that held Edward's cold, dead, body and Jasper walked through, closing the door behind him.

"Will he be okay?" I asked Alice.

"I think so," she smiled at me. "I will do everything I can to make sure he is."

I walked over and put my arm around her waist. "It was an aortic aneurysm. There was nothing anybody could do."

She sighed, "Jasper won't see it that way."

I knew she was talking about Edward remaining a vampire and living forever. "It was what Edward wanted. Elizabeth was waiting for him," I told her to ease her mind.

Carlisle and Esme walked in at that point and I could tell they still felt like Edward was their son. It isn't natural for kids to outlive their parents….even if their parents were only a few years older than themselves.

Esme hugged me tightly as she cried on my shoulder. Carlisle hugged Alice and held onto her as if he was afraid to let go. We all walked together into the room to see Edward's body.

Jasper was sitting next to the casket with his arms draped over the side holding Edward in them. He had venom sliding down his cheeks and quickly brushed it away when we entered. Alice went to his side and put her tiny hand on his shoulder.

Jasper looked at me with such pain in his eyes that I didn't think my poor old heart could take it. "It's still here," he whispered.

"What is, Jasper?" I asked.

"The pull, I still feel it."

Tears fell from my eyes in relief. I knew in my heart at that moment that someday Edward and Jasper would be together in heaven. Jasper would make the change and when his tired, worn, body gave out Edward would be there pulling him towards the next life.

We had two funerals, one for family and friends, and one for just us….the family who knew Edward as a vampire and then as a human. Emmett spoke so eloquently about his brother who, as he put it, was always wound a little too tight. He talked about Edward's control and his desire to always do the right thing.

Rosalie brought a smile to our faces when she talked about Edward's rejection of her and how hard she tried to make him miserable in retaliation. Carlisle couldn't make it through his planned talk. Memories of his first son were too painful to share and he only managed to reiterate how much he loved Edward.

Alice shared how difficult it was to have special powers and how well Edward handled himself; always allowing others to have their privacy as best he could. Esme spoke of Edward's change when he met me. As a mother she had worried about him but finally saw him truly happy.

Jasper was the last to speak. He stood quietly for a moment and then looked directly at me. "I can't imagine how you feel, Bella. I am finding this almost unbearable. But, when I look into your eyes I still see Edward. You two were so completely compatible that you merged into one person. I can't imagine Bella without Edward, just as I can't imagine Edward without you. I am sure he is waiting anxiously for you to join him, and most likely driving everyone around him crazy."

We all laughed in agreement and then Jasper let his grief go. He sobbed openly so I went to him and pulled him into my arms.

"We brought down the Volturi together," I whispered in his ear. "Surely we can conquer life without Edward, for just a bit."

Jasper hugged me tightly and whispered back. "I'm sure we can darlin. I'm just not sure I want to."

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Maybe it's time you and Alice make the change," I suggested.

He blew out a long breath and said, "I think you're right."

The human Jasper and Alice lived with me in the Masen family home. We told everyone they were my great niece and nephew caring for me in my elderly years. I began to really see them that way. Alice ran a successful clothing line and Jasper wrote biographies of famous heroes, many he knew personally.

I developed pneumonia the year Alice was expecting her first baby. I was lying in my bed under an oxygen tent when she came bounding into the room to tell me it was a girl. Masen was acting as my doctor and I noticed when he pulled Alice aside and spoke to her how much her eyes saddened.

She left the room and returned with Jasper.

"Promise me you won't be sad," I whispered with much difficulty.

"May I name my baby Bella?" Alice said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I would love that," I managed through struggled breaths.

Jasper lifted up the oxygen tent and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "You tell Edward we miss him and we will see you both soon. I love you, Darlin."

I managed to hang on long enough for Elizabeth to come and passed quietly surrounded by those I loved most in the world.

I was once again immersed in amazing light. I couldn't open my eyes for very long but I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. I didn't need to see who it was. I would know that hug anywhere.

"Welcome, love."

"Edward, I missed you so much," I cried with joy. He held me tightly for what seemed like an eternity but also seemed way to short when he pulled away.

I had adjusted to the light finally and opened my eyes to see Elizabeth Masen standing next to Edward. She looked exactly the same as when I saw her all those years ago, and Edward looked young and healthy, and as beautiful as ever.

I fell into her arms thanking her profusely for leading me to her son. She hugged me back and called me her daughter.

Edward took my hand and said, "Bella, I would like you to meet my father." I had not noticed him standing there before, but suddenly he was right there, next to Edward. I hugged him tightly and felt like I had known him my entire life.

I was amazed at the family we had grown into. We had Edward's parents, our earthly family and our posterity. It seemed like only yesterday Edward and I were alone on Isle Esme trying to figure out our way in the world. Now we had five grandchildren and fourteen great grandchildren and two great, great grandchildren.

I wrapped my arms around Edward, ready to be led away when he turned to me and smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Go ahead and ask me," he grinned.

"Ask what?"

"If we can wait for the others."

I giggled and asked him, "Can we wait for the others?"

"Yes, love. They will be here soon."

THE END


End file.
